A Ballad of Love and Hate

It had been two weeks into Ryan’s decision to quit swimming. I had been doing everything. Withholding sex, over using sex, promising to live in Florida, promising everything but he still did not want to swim.

I wasn’t alone in getting Ryan back into swimming. He was the dominant face of the game now and everyone knew it. His coaches, his manager, PR, everyone kept sitting me down to talk to him, to think of ways to convince him. We all knew what the reasoning was.

Ryan didn’t want our relationship to fall apart like it did last time with how intense he was being. He didn’t want to be married with me, come back from a big event to see I had left. I knew he was feeling insecure and unsure that I would be able to handle his hectic job schedule. But the thing was, I had grown up so much in those years. I made a life of my own in the midst of it and learned what it meant to be busy and live my dream job just as he was doing.

“Ry, come on, don’t you miss being in the water, doing all that racing, beating people,” I teased as I got ready for bed. Ryan sat on the bed in his boxers and turned off the TV. I laid next to him in one of his t-shirts.

“Noah, I really like having time to just be with you, that’s better than anything else,” Ryan smiled pulling me down next to him.

“But swimming, Ry, being in the water, letting the water run off your chiseled abs, wearing that tight jammer with that super serious look on your face as you pull your goggles down over your eyes,” I sat straddled Ryan’s waist, feeling up his abs, lusting after how sexy he looked when he was in racing mode.

“Noah, I still can go swimming and have all of that, it’s just not going to dictate my life anymore,” he laughed, rubbing his hands up and down my back under the shirt I was wearing.

“But you miss the water, you miss racing and working your ass off. And you really don’t get that much more time with me, I’m all over the place designing. Come on, think of all the kids that admire you, adore you, are inspired to swim by you swimming,” I said, slowly bending down to kiss his neck.

“I like having time to work your ass off more,” he smirked. I rolled my eyes and got off of him.

“Ryan, I promise you, more than I ever have before that you will have me and swimming. You can have both. I know before we fought and things got horrible but look at us! We’ve grown up, that same thing isn’t going to happen again, and now that my line has taken off, I’m not doing grunt work, I’m running my own stuff, I can be with you more, here,” I explained.

“Noah, I just don’t know,” his sighed.

“Look a grand prix is coming up, a perfect opportunity for you to remember that you love winning and racing and being all prideful getting all those medals,” I said to him, pushing the subject. He smiled and looked at me.

“You really aren’t going to let this go?” He asked. I shook my head no.

“Okay, Noah, I’ll swim my events at the Prix but if I hate it, I’m done,” he stated seriously. I sat up and kissed him roughly on the lips.

I was happy that he listened to me.

I woke up early the next morning as Ryan got up for the first time in two weeks to start training. I changed out of his t-shirt and into a button up of his and some short plaid pajama shorts and made him a pre-training smoothie that I knew he loved. I filled his water bottles with water and Gatorade and set them next to his smoothie. Ryan came downstairs with his training bag and goggles around his neck.

“Well look who’s up early,” he grinned, pulling me into a kiss. I giggled and pulled away.

“I made you your smoothie for pre training and gatorade and water filled bottles. I’ll be by after you’re done with practice with peanut butter and bananas and to take you to breakfast,” I grinned. Ryan rolled his eyes and kissed me once more.

“Noah, sleep, I know you support this swim move, I love you for doing all this but I know you need to sleep,” Ryan chuckled a little. I yawned and pulled out two bananas and a to-go thing of peanut butter.

“Eat this when you’re done and come back home to cuddle with me,” I smiled. Ryan unbuttoned his shirt I was wearing a little to have a look at my breasts. He bit his bottom lip a little and kissed each of my breasts.

“Just have that ready for me, that’s all the breakfast I need,” he grinned.

Of course, at 5am, Ryan would be the one turned on.

“Get out, you’re late,” I pushed Ryan out the kitchen and towards the door.

“You love me babe, and I love you too,” he yelled from his car.

“I only love you for your body, Ry, why else am I making you swim,” I joked with him, blowing him a kiss goodbye. Ryan rolled his eyes jokingly and pulled out of the driveway to head to practice.

I secured the door and alarm system (Ryan insisted if I was alone I secure the house) and crawled back in bed exhausted.

I hope he had a good practice.

A few hours later, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and kiss my neck. I turned from my slumber and saw Ryan was back.

“How was it?” I asked groggily.

“The same as always, but intense, I think I will like the Grand Prix,” he sighed. I smiled lazily and cuddled into him.

“See? I knew you wanted to be back in the water, you just needed my approval,” I yawned.

“You’re really going to be okay with my hectic schedule? Even as my wife?” He asked, wanting to be 100% that I could really handle it.

“Ryan, yes, of course, look at how much you put up with me? I have to do the same in return,” I smiled widely, wanting to promise him that I can handle this now.

“I have so much to do before the Grand Prix. And I have to taper at the end of last week, losing some training time,” Ryan sighed being stressed out.

“You’ll get it, Ry, you always do,” I promised and encouraged. Ryan nuzzled his head into my neck

“Can we make a no swim talk rule in bed? I want this to be the place of no work only pleasurable business,” he mumbled on my skin. I sighed and nodded, drifting back to sleep as Ryan kissed me.

I know he would need my support big time these next two weeks.

[Ryan]

It came down to the race time. Noah had been so supportive of me. I hated that I let my insecurities show to her. I was always the strong and sure Ryan to her but once I realized that this was more than for real with her, I needed to be vulnerable with her.

I needed to share my emotions.

We packed up and went to Austin together. Noah should have been in New York for a fashion thing but she promised me her iPad and phone would suffice. She was on her iPad the whole plane ride which frustrated me but I was glad she was here nonetheless.

When we arrived in Austin, Noah and I made our way to the hotel in my rental and she continued to work.

"So are you going to work the whole weekend?" I questioned in our room, she hadn't put the thing down since we boarded the plane in florida. Noah looked up at me and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Ry, there are huge order issues and I have to straighten it out. I swear in ten minutes ill be done," she swore. But I didn't believe her.

I unpacked our stuff and went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.

I was nervous. More nervous than usual. I hadn't trained all that hard for this. I hadn't had the focus and I certainly ate enough crap to fill our suite with. And Noah for some reason was making me angry.

She was here. That part is better than before. But she wasn't, she was glued to her iPad and hadn't spoken more than a few words to me. I needed her like she promised.

But I refused to sound needy. I couldn't be that guy.

All the more, it felt like it was becoming clear, we would need to move to New York and swimming would have to end.

I came out of the bathroom and Noah put her iPad down and patted for me to sit next to her on the bed.

She removed her flowy dress and was left in a lacy see through top and matching underwear.

"Babe, I'm so sorry I was distracted," she pouted as her hands came to my face.

I felt like our roles from years before had changed. Sighing, I let Noah remove my shirt and I took her breasts in my hands, firmly squeezing them.

"You're not distracted now are you?" I asked her in a whisper.

"Only by the space left between the two of us," she grinned, pressing her body into mine. My hands wondered down her thigh and I began pressing my thumbs in her hip bone causing a gasp.

"I can't have sex this weekend," I reminded her, knowing the coaches rules and knowing that I could not break my mentality mode and time of rest.

"I know. But you can still have your way a little," she giggled pulling off my shorts.

I was turned on by Noah's push at me. I was turned on at how forward she was being.

Noah unhooked her bra and threw it on the ground, revealing to me her two perfect and perky C cup breasts. I took them back in my hands and gripped them both firmly, pinching her reddened and hardened nipples roughly as she hissed out.

I bent my head down into the crook of her neck as I nibbled and kissed her, never letting off her breasts, loving her unsteady breathing and moans from my work.

Slowly I kissed my way to her lips and slowly moved one hand down to her sexy underwear and dipped a finger inside of her.

I felt her tongue vibrate on mine as she moaned out, liking where my other hand was.

I teased her at her folds, taking her warmth and wetness in as I slowly inserted my finger deep inside her and began to play around.

Noah pulled away and tilted her head back.

"Fuck, Ryan. Gosh. I love it when you do this to me," she panted. I grinned, loving when Noah would let herself down and talk dirty and tell me just what she wanted with no class.

I pinched her nipple again and shoved another finger inside her, roughly rubbing her walls.

"Damn, baby you're so wet," I moaned out. Noah inhaled roughly as I explored her more with my hand.

"Why don't you go down on me a little more and ill show you how wet I can be?" She said roughly. I laid her down, never letting my fingers leave and kissed my way down.

I loved going down on Noah. Especially in this mood. She would always please herself on top to turn me on even more. It would also make her going down on me mind blowing.

I pushed her underwear to the side and licked my lips. Slowly, I shoved my tongue inside of her and heard her moan. I sucked away at her juices and explored everywhere my tongue would let me.

I looked up and saw Noah was pinching her nipples, turning me on more and more. I pulled my boxers off and stroked myself slowly and I licked around inside of her.

Soon, Noah screamed out and I tasted more And more of her. I pulled out and continued to stoke myself and she continued to squeeze her breasts.

"Damn baby, you taste so sweet and you're a sexy turn on right now," I smirked. Noah pullede down and shoved her tongue in my mouth, tasting what I just tasted. I continued to stroke myself out as she replaced my hand with hers.

I pulled away from her lips and panted into her neck, loving how even and fast she was with her hands.

Noah flipped us around and straddled me as she rubbed me out.

"Mm, baby, I'm gonna come," I said as I rubbed her hips. Noah got low and finished me out with her mouth, allowing me to come in her mouth. Noah rode me out and held onto me as she came up to lay by my side

"I'm sorry I got Caught up, I hope that makes up for it, " she smiled. I pulled her in and smacked her lightly on the ass.

"Now were even," I smirked. Noah rolled her eyes and got us under the blankets.

I pulled Noah into my arms, forgetting about the anger and frustration I had felt just moments before.

"I love you, Ryan. And tomorrow, you're going to do great things," Noah said lazily.

I hoped she was right.

The next morning was day one of the races. I had to get to the pool early. Noah was already awake, fixing her hair in some updo. She wore a gators shirt and a pair of orange colored shorts. I smiled as I rolled out of bed.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty, you have to be at the pool soon," she smiled, kissing me softly.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to throw my stuff on now and go," I said, grabbing my speedo and athletic clothes, throwing a change of clothes and my caps and goggles in my bag.

"We'll go together, I'm ready too," she smiled as she left me to change.

I quickly put on my stuff and came out to our suite to find Noah on the phone, talking firmly to someone. She shoved her iPad in her bag and looked up to hand me the keys. I looked at her, needing to leave and she nodded following me.

I really wanted to talk to her on our way to the pool but it seemed that wasn't going to happen.

"No, I ordered 650 of those for Bloomingdales, why are they only recieving limited stock?!" She snapped at the person on the phone. I rolledy eyes not caring.

"Oh I will gladly show you my invoice and plans," she continued to yell like this the whole way to the pool. I groaned and got out of the car and walked briskly away not waiting for Noah.

"Ryan Lochte!" I heard her yell. I paused and turned around. Noah was jogging to meet up with me. She held her phone away from her face.

"Give them hell out there. I love you," she smiled, reaching up to give me a kiss. I grinned slightly and held her tightly, thankful she stopped for a moment.

When it became time for my heats, I came out on deck and saw that Noah wasn't even paying attention, she was on that stupid iPad and her phone. I sighed heavily and tried to just focus on the races.

I was swimming the 200IM. My race. The race that set me apart. I looked over at Noah who still was not paying attention before I had to jump in. I rolled my eyes in my goggles and ignored what was going on in the stands.

I had a race to swim and I needed to swim hard. I swam all my strokes, focusing only on breathing and beating out everyone else. I roughly touched the wall and came up.

I qualified in first place. Breathing heavily, I smiled, realizing I had done it. I had swam hard though I took weeks before off. I looked up and saw Noah was still distracted.

I hopped out of the pool and ripped my cap off, breaking it in the midst and threw my goggles down, pissed she was missing everything.

I wanted to talk to her but I couldn't as I had the 200 back to qualify for in half an hour.

"Dude, you okay?" Conor asked.

"Yeah, my fiancé is just not here watching," I sighed. Conor looked up and saw Noah working away.

"Well you know, Noah, she'll pay attention when it's important," he encouraged. I nodded my head absently, going to the lockers to get a new cap.

Noah's mental absence was getting to me more and more. When it was time to swim the backstroke heat, I was pissed to find her still working and forcefully talking into her phone. I tried to push it out of my head but I couldn't.

She swore to me that she would be supportive. She promised to be here for me. She was the one who pushed me harder than anyone to swim this weekend and she was the one who wasn't fulfilling her promises.

Focus, Lochte, focus. I thought as I jumped in, grabbing the starting bars for the backstroke.

The buzzer went off and I grew more and more distracted and frustrated. Why couldn't she just pause? Years ago, she kept asking me to just pause and watch her shine, what's so different about now with me? Didn't she know how that felt?

I was losing sight of the race, not paying attention to what I needed to do. I came and touched the wall and realized something, I placed in dead last.

Everyone was looking over at me, knowing I had a bad race and didn't qualify for a final. I slowly hopped out of the water, not talking to anyone, not taking interviews. I put my shorts and shirt back on and removed my cap and goggles. I saw Noah make her way to the deck, finally off her phone and iPad.

"Ry, I'm so sorry sweetie," she tried to comfort me. I pulled at her bag and grabbed her iPad and phone. She looked at me confused.

Angrily, I threw her iPad forcefully into the cool down pool, watching it sink into the water. I took her phone and threw it in the pool as well. Noah looked at me shocked and confused.

"Ryan, why the hell would you do that?!" She screamed, everyone was looking at the two of us.

I said nothing to her. I simply walked away to the locker room.

So much for having it all.