Can You Save Me From Myself.

“No”

“No? You don’t want to marry me?” Brian looks down at me shocked. I stare up at him with tear-filled eyes.

“I don’t know if im ready for that Brian and I don’t want to say yes only to hurt you if I realize im not ready. Im just so confused Bri.”

Brian wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest.

“I understand, Kitten. Im not mad at you. It’s understandable, im happy you told me the truth. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.” I nod my head and hold Brian’s shirt tightly in my fist.

“You still love me right?” I whispered to him scared that maybe he fell out of love with me when I answered.

“I will always love you, Kitten.” I felt Brian’s hand underneath my chin pushing my head up towards him. He kisses me on the lips lovingly. “Ready to go home?” I nod my head with my eyes still close.

Brian pulls back into traffic and hold my left hand again. I feel him once in a while kiss my left hand.

I didn’t even know I fell asleep till I felt Brian pick my body up from the car. He walks into our house with our 3 dogs following after him. He lays me down on our bed and changes in into one of his shirts. I curl myself up against his pillow and go back to sleep.



I wake up 2 hours later to an empty house. Not even my dogs are here. I walk around trying to find some kind of life but there is none. I start feeling scared and alone.

I don’t like this feeling.

It reminds me of how I felt when he left.

I stop in front of Brian’s studio in our basement. I walk in and automatically I spot the huge picture of Jimmy. Tears fall from my eyes as I walk in front of the hanging picture.

In the back of my mind I knew Brian would be pissed if I do this but at the moment I didn’t care. I pulled Jimmy’s picture down and threw it against the wall. I smile as the picture crashes to the floor with glass shards surrounding it. I stand there smiling looking down at the broken picture. But I still feel the pain.
The pain that is in my broken heart. I feel it through my whole body. I want that pain to stop. I don’t want to be hurt by him anymore.

I frown and look down at the picture again. I walk towards it not stopping when pieces of broken glass dig into the bottom of my feet. I get down to my knees and lean my ass on my bleeding feet. I feel pieces of glass dig themselves into my knees and calves.

I grab the picture and take it out of the broken frame.

I stare at my father’s smiling face and the pain in my chest grows. He looks so happy when I wasn’t in his life. I only caused him pain. That’s all I do is cause everyone pain. I mean look what I did to Brian earlier.

I know he said that he still loved me and would never hate me but I know better. I know that he does hate me even if it was a little bit. I never wanted to hurt the man I love. Brian is the only man that would stand by my side and I broke his heart some.

I didn’t realize I was crying till I saw tear fall onto my father’s picture.

I get angry looking at his smiling face. I grab the top of the picture with both hands and rip the picture in half. I kept ripping and crying till there was nothing left of the picture besides tiny little broken pieces, just like my heart.

I feel the pain grow even more and I start to claw at my chest. I feel my nails breaking and ripping the skin over my heart. I stare down at my bloody hands and nails. I smile thinking the pain is gone. But I was wrong.

I lie down on the floor and curl into myself. I feel glass embed themselves into my side. I sob loudly and take off the black felt case on my right hand and wrist. I slam my right hand into the glass over and over again till I can’t feel it anymore.

I feel numb but my heart still hurts. I grab the biggest piece of glass I could find and slash anywhere on my body I could reach with my broken right hand.

I lay in a puddle of my own blood that is mixed with pieces of glass and my father’s picture.

My father.

He told me if I ever needed him he would be there. But where is he now. Where is he as his daughter bleeds to her death?

I knew once he left he would never come back.

In the distance I heard Brian come into the house with the dogs. I hear him calling my name.

I want to answer but I can’t move my body. It’s like im stuck in between the living and the dead. I know im probably gonna die and im okay with that. I want to be rid of this pain. I can’t live with this pain any longer.

Brian comes running down the steps to the basement and slams open the door of the studio. I look up at him and with tears flowing down my cheeks mixing with my blood. I whisper the one thing I always wanted him to know.

“I love you, Bri.”

Brian comes running towards me and lifts my head off of the floor. I heard his voice but I can’t make out the words. I smile when I finally falling in to welcoming blackness.