Write It Down

“Vanilla with caramel and chocolate bits.” Jack smiled as Alex asked him what kind of Ice cream he would prefer. After exchanging numbers almost immediately after the email was sent, Alex invited Jack to the local Ice cream shop,Swirly’s.
As Alex ordered their favorites, Jack took the time to look at the older boy’s lips. As he did he could almost feel them caressing his own. He got lost in Alex’s smile as he thanked the cashier and turned around with the ice cream. He had the slightest dimples in the corners of his cheeks that absolutely drove the younger boy crazy. Alex was perfect, and although it was somewhat intimidating, Jack positively adored every inch of him.

“So,” Alex said as he handed Jack his large waffle cone. “What have you been up to today?” Jack grinned as he bit into is frozen dairy treat.

“I went and spoke to my mother for a bit, then came straight home and emailed you.” He blushed as he realized how needy he sounded.
His embarrassment disappeared as soon as he noticed the blush reciprocated on Alex’s face. “Jack, I think we need to talk.” There was a reason Alex invited him here. Last night, and the kiss, the way they talk when they’re together, all these things needed to be addressed.

Jack looked at Alex and smiled, giving him permission to proceed with the conversation. “Last night…” He paused and looked at Jack’s face, noticing the sudden crumble in his spirit. “I think we should talk about it..”

Jack looked away, obviously sensing the worse. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked, taking another large chunk out of the frozen glop on his cone.

Alex immediately reassured him, “No, no, no. It was perfect. I just thought maybe we could just talk about it? Like, figure out exactly what it meant..”
Jack smiled again and grabbed Alex’s hand.

“I think it means I like you..” Jack swung their hands back and forth as he continued eating.
Alex wanted to tell him that he felt the same. Because, he really thought he did. But once again, it’s hard allowing yourself to get emotionally attached and letting your heart get matched with someone when your job is depends on it.
So, he settled with a simple response; a smile and a wink.
Jack, of course, took that as a, Yeah, I like you too…

And the hopeful look in his eye confirmed to Alex that maybe this was going to be harder than he thought. That maybe he couldn’t go through with any of it. That he should call it quits right then. But then he remembered how it felt to hug Jack close to him while they kissed. He remembered how it felt to feel his lips pressed tightly with his. And he also could feel how much he wanted to experience it again. How much he wanted to show the innocent boy next to him how perfect he really could be.

That’s when he realized he couldn’t stop his feelings now. He couldn’t just let Jack go. He was almost okay with that, too.

Jack knew there was something different about the way Alex was acting today, but he wrote it off as nerves. After the kiss they had, there was no way things could be the same.

They sat down at one of the tables and Jack pulled out a small notebook from his pocket. He wanted to tell Alex something, but he was waay to scared to actually say it.

He wrote down the message and closed the notebook, passing it across the table to Alex.

Alex looked curiously down at the solid colored notebook and quickly lifted it off of the table, opening it to the first page with Jack’s message.

So. What’s our story? he read.

He looked and Jack with even more curiosity than before as he just took another lick of his cone. He couldn’t talk about this. Not right now.

He proceeded avoiding eye contact with the boy across the table as he thought of a way to dodge the question. He didn’t even know the answer himself, really. How was he supposed to answer it?

“Write it down.” Jack whispered as he nudged the pen towards the boy opposite of him. Alex didn’t want to.
But he had to.

So, he took the pen in his hand and began replying:
I’m not sure I know the answer to that. He answered, honestly. In his mind, he gave himself a pat on the back for actually being truthful for once.

He handed the book back to Jack and watched as he read it. The other boy simply nodded and wrote below Alex’s answer.
I have time. We can figure it out.

Jack was nervous as he wrote it, but Alex was even more nervous as he read it. He knew they would never get a chance to figure it out, because by the time the article was written and he could POSSIBLY decide to pursue this thing he had going with Jack, (which he wanted more than anything in the world to do) Jack would know about everything and would hate him. Forever.

He wrote back.
Jack… We’ll see.

And when Jack read the… extremely unenthusiastic reaction from the boy he cared so much for, his face fell. He tried to hide his disappointment, but Alex was quick to catch on.
It almost broke the older boy’s heart to see Jack’s face.

Working for this paper, in this town, with such little rep was killing not only his career, but the people he cared about.

He felt the notebook being slid back to him with Jack’s reply.
I know, I’m ruining it. Just promise me, you’ll think about it?

Once again Alex’s heart ripped in two. Jack wasn’t ruining anything..
Alex was the one breaking this boy’s heart. And, his heart was crumbling along with him.

He couldn’t let Jack think he was doing anything wrong. Because all he has done since they met was make him feel good. To make everything feel right..

So, thinking about something other than his own personal success for once, Alex responded to Jack’s poorly scribbled note, with complete sincerity and love in his heart.

Jack, will you be my boyfriend?