Write It Down

NEW MESSAGE
From: alex.gaskarth@thebaltimoreledger.com
To: jacksetsyouonfire@yahoo.com
Subject: Tonight?
Barakat.
I got tickets to see this really great band tonight. Would you like to accompany me to their show? I wouldn’t want to go with anyone else.
Please consider. I’ll email details later.
-Alexander

Jack smiled as he replied with a simple “I would love to, Gaskarth.”
Going out with Alex tonight was exactly what he needed. Jack needed to take a break from his hectic life, and Alex always made him feel better.

“Jack, honey, I’m leaving.” He heard his mother say. She came over every Friday night for dinner, and this was no exception. “Do you need any help with anything before I go?” she smiled. She looked so tired, Jack knew that she had been working all week. And more than likely would be working non stop cleaning the house when she got home.

“No mom. I think I’m good.” Jack smiled. “You sure you’ll be okay? I’m going out tomorrow, but if you need help with anything I’ll say home.” He got up and walked over to his tired, overworked mother.

“No, no, silly. I’ll be fine. You go out and have some fun. Where are you going?” She smiled, obviously trying to take the focus off herself.
Jack caught the distraction. But he chose to ignore it as he answered.

“I’m going to a concert with my friend. He bought tickets and asked me to go.” Jack couldn’t help but smile as he thought of Alex. It had been almost a week since the last time they saw eachother and he felt himself getting more excited about it as he shared the details with his mother.

“Oh really?” She winked. “When can I meet this frienddd?”
Jack rolled his eyes at her.

“Its not like that, mom.” He smiled as he gave her a big hug. “He’s just a friend, really.” He laughed into her milk chocolate brown hair.

“Is that so? Since when did you find yourself one of those?” She laughed back at her son.
Jack being attracted to both sexes never bothered his mom. It never bothered any one really. Jack always took it back to the fact that no one really paid attention to him.

No one except his mom.

And evidently she noticed too.
Jack loves his mother.
But he really hated when she thought it necessary to talk about the past.

“Mom.. don’t do this.” Jack let his mother out of his embrace and walked towards the table in his makeshift dining room. (It was really just the corner of his kitchen with a table shoved in it.)

Ms. Barakat walked over to her son, sitting in his lap lovingly. “Son, I don’t know what I just threw up your ass, but you’re gunna have to take it out and start smiling more! Now, go hang out with this friend tomorrow, tell me all about it later?” She grinned as she rubbed her fingers playfully through Jacks black and blonde hair. “Remind me to make you a hair appointment, too. We HAVE to do something about this hair of yours..”

Jack laughed. “I like my hair…”

“Moms are always right Jacky Bear. Remember that.” She winked. “You never told me who this friend is, either.”

“Alex Gaskarth. He writes the “Ask Morrie” column over at the Baltimore Ledger.” Jack told her.

“Does he really??? I love the “Ask Morrie” column!! He’s really good.” She smiled as she stood up and made her way to the door. “Well, I’m off. You have fun tomorrow!”

He watched his mother walk out to her 2009 Honda Civic.

He never felt so bad about making friends until now.
Since when did you get one of those? His mother’s statement rang through his ears. It wasn’t like she wasn’t right, though. He had never had friends. No one to go back and tell his mother about. But now he did. He had Alex.

Alexander William Gaskarth.

---

Alex read through the email of details the next day once more.
-7 pm.
-No friends.
-Dinner after, his treat.
-Great time to get to know eachother better.

Okay.
That works.
He pressed send and hoped this night went well.
He wasn’t bringing his journal, no he was only bringing himself and his personality. This night wasn’t for the article.
This night was for Jack.

All for Jack..

---

“So who are we going to see?” Jack asked.

Alex smiled as he turned the key in the ignition, starting his car. “Rocky Loves Emily. They aren’t very famous, but I heard they have an amazing live show.” He smiled. “They’re supposed to be like The Maine, but I haven’t really heard them before now.” He laughed.

“Sounds good to me, it’ll be the first time for the both of us.” Jack smiled.

Alex smiled to himself as he pulled out of Jack’s tiny driveway.

It took only 10 minutes to get to the venue. And, to be completely honest, they were both surprised with the amount of people that were there. There was a line with at least 200 hundred people waiting patiently to get into the show.
Alex felt himself getting a little disappointed. With the large amount of people here, he wouldn’t get to talk to Jack much. And that’s what this night was for.
Jack, on the other hand, was ecstatic. In his mind, the bigger the crowd, the better the experience.

“I know one of the security guards. We can get in through the back and avoid the line.” Alex said as he grabbed Jack’s hand and pulled him towards the back of the venue.

Jack looked down at their intertwined fingers and smiled. But didn’t say anything.
He didn’t want to ruin it.

“GASKARTH!” He heard a deep, but also soft voice say. “Hey man, its been months since I’ve seen you here!”

“Been busy with work. How are ya?” Alex smiled as he wrapped the man in a big bear hug.

“I’ve been great, who’s this?” The man asked smiling at Jack.
Alex looked down at their hands and quickly released his grip. Blushing he said, “This is Jack. He’s one of my readers. We’ve been hanging out a lot recently. Jack, this is my friend Zack. We went to High School together.” Zack reached out and grabbed Jack’s hand.

“Nice to meet you, Jack.” Zack smiled. “You guys trying to get in the show? You got tickets?” Alex nodded in reply. “Awesome. I heard these guys are really good. And that they’re fucking popular in the teen crowd.”

Alex laughed. “Tonight should be fun then.” They walked in the doors as Zack unlocked them. Jack looked around. He had never been to a place like this before.

“There’s the band.” Zack said as he nodded his head to the right. “Singer’s the freakishly tall one. He’s really cool. I talked to him while they were setting up. Nice guy.”

Alex and Jack found their ways over to the merch tables as Zack turned around and walked back to his post in the back of the building.

“Want a shirt?” Alex asked Jack as girls started piling into the building, the show would be starting soon and Alex didn’t want all the good ones to be taken.

“I didn’t bring money.” Jack said. Cursing himself for leaving his wallet at home. These shirts looked really cool, and he’d actually like to have one.
Alex laughed. “Goober. I meant, do you want me to buy you a shirt?”

Jack blushed at Alex’s thoughtfulness. “I like the one that says Secrets don’t make friends.”

Alex cringed as Jack read the shirt.
How it applied to their situation. How Jack didn’t even know it applied to their situation. He almost didn’t buy it for him just for that.

But he did.
Oh the irony.

Evidently the only band playing WAS Rocky Loves Emily. No openers.

Which was fine. That meant that Alex had plenty of time to take Jack to get something to eat afterwards.
He kind of felt like it was his duty after being such a dick to him.
About lying and keeping all these secrets from him.

And he just kind of wanted to spend more time with Jack.

He looked over at Jack and smiled. They stayed towards the back of the crowd, not wanting to intrude in any of the girl’s obsessive behaviors.
These guys were definitely a fan favorite.

“Hey guys, we’re Rocky Love EMILY!” Alex looked up as the overly tall lead singer yelled into his microphone. The drummer started playing and Alex could feel the bass in his gut. “You’re lookin’ beautiful tonight, Baltimore. Sing to me BABIES!” He yelled as the whole band joined together and started playing a catchy, toe-tapping song.

“They’re fucking good!” Jack said as he grabbed Alex’s hand and started jumping up and down while the song picked up in pace.
Alex felt himself getting lost in the beat, the crowd, the music, the lyrics, and of course, Jack.

Then he heard the chorus…

Cause secrets don't make friends… “Oh yeah, sing along these lyrics are so IMPORTANT!” The lead singer yelled sarcastically as he himself began jumping up and down on stage with the words. And la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da oh. And everybody's singing it, La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Alex looked over at Jack. He looked so happy.
So carefree. For the first time since Alex met Jack, he looked like he was genuinely happy. Like nothing could take away this high as he sang along to the few lyrics he picked up during the performance.

Secrets don't make friends. They only leave you alone in the end..

“La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da whoa-oh-oh-oh!” Alex heard Jack screaming in his ear as he gripped his hand tighter.
Alex was giving him the night of his life.

He was giving him music, an experience like no other.

But, like they said..

Secrets don’t make friends.

---

“Alex! Where have you been? Dude, they’re amazing..!” Jack yelled over the music busting out of the speakers. Alex had been “in hiding” after he heard their first song. This night was supposed to be about making a new friend. And showing that new friend that he really was trying to get to know him. But no, that fucking article had to come back and bite him in the fucking ass. Of course. Once something starts bothering you, you never really can run away from it.
It’ll always be right in the back of Alex’s mind. And his conscience will always be practically screaming for him to stop.
To stop taking notes.
To stop writing in his fucking journal every night.
To stop lying to Jack.
To end the secrets.

But that wasn’t going to happen and he knew it wouldn’t. He was too wrapped up in his career and too fucking selfish to take in consideration Jack and how fucking terrible he was going to feel when he read his profile.

“Sorry man, I just needed a break from the crowd..” Alex said, staring at the shirt he bought Jack hanging on the wall that would haunt him every time Jack wore it.

Secrets don’t make friends..

Life was never easy for Alex Gaskarth…

---

Brandon, who they found out was the lead singer, looked out in the crowd during a slow, beautiful part in a song he called “Dream.”
“Guys, last summer I found myself deep in depression, and if it weren’t for my friends and my family I wouldn’t be here right now.” He paused and swayed to the slow beat of the drum. “I want all of you to hold your pinkies to the sky and promise me something. Promise me you will always be there for your friends and family no matter what because they need you more than anything in the world.” Alex watched as Jack held up his pinky with the rest of the crowd and smiled.

Jack would be there for Alex through anything and he knew that.

And he knew he could never be there for Jack like a real friend.

And that hurt him a lot.

Brandon started singing again. And once again, his lyrics pierced straight through Alex’s heart.
Am I the last one standing? Am I the only one searching? For more than a life spent dreaming. If who I wanna be, exists only in dreams.. I don’t wanna wake up.. I don’t wanna wake up…

At this point Alex felt his gut tighten and his eyes begin to water. What kind of person was he turning into? What was happening?

He knew in his heart what he wanted. He knew why he took Jack here and why he wanted to make sure he got to know him before it all went to shit.

Why he held his hand when they walked alone.
Why he didn’t want Zack to see.

He knew why.

And right now as he listened to this new band sing over his thoughts, he finally decided that enough was enough.

He was done pretending that Jack didn’t matter.
He was done.

“This song is so fucking beautiful, Alex!” Jack yelled as a tear finally escaped Alex’s eyes.
Jack looked over at him, noticing his “sudden” mood change. “Alex.. Alex are you okay?”

Alex looked at Jack. Like, really looked at Jack for the first time since the concert started. He had to smile at the innocent boy’s face as he mouthed, “Kiss me.”