Thank You

Austin paced back and forth in the dressing room, his phone dangling from his hand. He had squeezed it with such force that he was amazed he hadn’t broken it.

“Woah, what’s wrong with you?” he heard Jessica ask as she passed him, reaching for her bag. He picked it up and handed it to her, a bottle of pills plummeting to the ground. He didn’t pay any attention to them as he reached down to pick them up and hand them over to her.

“Nothing,” he sighed, tossing his phone onto the couch. “I just,” he paused, wondering if he wanted to share his personal life. They had only been on tour for a little over a week and they were slowly getting to know each other, but he didn’t want to bore her with his trivial bullshit. The look on her face was what urged him to continue, like she was genuinely interested in what was bothering him. “Taylor. We had a fight and I, ugh I don’t know. I can’t call her and apologize because I’m not sorry.”

“Care to elaborate?” she asked, taking a seat on the arm of the couch.

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head, letting out an exasperated sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair forcefully. “She just likes to push me sometimes, see how far it takes before I break. It didn’t take long this time.”

“Sounds… shit, I don’t even know,” she shrugged, her brows knitting as she thought to herself. “You guys’ll work it out,” she informed him, patting his back.

“Maybe.”

“Well, call me if you need someone to whine to. I’m gonna go explore.”

“Want company?”

“Uh, no,” she said with a small smile. He didn’t know whether to be offended or not. “I mean, I’m just going to do boring touristy things.”

“I like boring touristy things,” he offered.

“It’s okay, Austin. I don’t need a babysitter.” He laughed and grabbed his phone again, waving her off as she escaped the room. He wished she would have let him tag along; maybe he could put his mind at ease. His phone started vibrating in his hand and he glanced at the screen, Taylor’s face flashing before him. He picked at the hole in his jeans, debating on whether he was calm enough to answer the phone. He let voicemail pick up and wasn’t surprised when she didn’t leave one. A few seconds later his phone rang again and he accepted the call, placing the phone to his ear, remaining silent. If he opened his mouth, he feared nothing good would come out.

“Austin?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry, okay? I just,” she paused, and he pictured her sitting in her apartment, pacing back and forth. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You can’t sit there and tell me that I’m imagining this. I have been on tour for a few weeks now and every time I call you, you’re with him.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, Austin. Like I told you before.”

“I’ve never had a reason to doubt you before, Taylor. So why does it feel like all of a sudden you’re pulling away? We talk almost every day, but about what? Nothing that matters. A quick hello, how’s the weather? That’s not a relationship.”

“Don’t do this,” she sighed pleadingly.

“Shit. I didn’t even want a relationship in the first place. Somehow you weaseled your way in.”

“Weaseled my way in?” she asked, her voice rising slightly.

“Fuck. That sounded bad.”

“Yeah, you think?”

“You’re my girlfriend, Taylor. It’s been so long since I’ve had a relationship. I’ve never done the long distance thing. Even if it’s only for a few weeks, it’s still fucking hard. I just don’t want you to tell me that I’m being a paranoid idiot, okay? I want you to tell me that you love me and everything is going to be fine.”

“Well, you are being a paranoid idiot, but everything IS going to be fine. Eric’s been my friend for as long as he’s been yours. We just like to hang out. That’s it.”

He felt it, there in his gut, that even though she was telling him what he wanted to hear, she was lying. She was lying not only to him, but herself. Eric had liked her since before she and Austin started dating. If he didn’t get home soon, he may lose her.

“You have to trust me,” she pleaded. “I mean, you’re on tour and I trust you. All of those girls throwing themselves at you while wearing minimal clothing, that’s an image I struggle to get out of my head every night when I lay down in bed and think about you.”

“Not that again, Tay,” he groaned. “I have never given you any reason to doubt me.”

“Neither have I!” she scoffed.

They argued back and forth for a while before he hung up and turned his phone off all together. He wasn’t in the mood. He grabbed his cigarettes and lighter from the table and set off, trying to catch up with Jessica. She obviously didn’t want him to go but he needed someone to talk to, and she was going to be that person, whether she liked it or not. He passed some of the guys and waved them off when they tried to talk to him. He didn’t stop walking until he ran into Joel, who had been trying to talk to him all day.

“Austin,” he shouted, and Austin cursed under his breath, knowing that he couldn’t escape this one.

“Yeah?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Jessica.”

“What about her?”

“Do you know anything about her?”

Austin let out a groan and reached for his cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it up. He let the smoke cloud his lungs and felt at ease when he finally exhaled, letting some of his stress float away.

“Look, I don’t know what you’ve got against her, but she’s a nice girl. So, I think you should just back off.” He watched as Joel’s jaw ticked, an eerie smile forming.

“Alright. I’ll back off.” He said, throwing his hands up for emphasis. “I’ll let you figure this one out all on your own.”

Austin shook his head and pushed his way past Joel, on a mission now to find Jessica and unload all of his stress on her. He felt like she would listen and probably have some good advice. She was a female, after all. The only problem with his plan was that he had no idea where she went. How many touristy things could she do here? He didn’t even know where they were. He finished his cigarette and threw the butt on the ground, stomping on it as he looked around. He adjusted his beanie, starting to walk in whichever direction looked more appealing. He wandered around for hours, finally deciding to turn around and head back towards the venue. His head wasn’t the best place to be at the moment and walking alone forced him to face his thoughts. He was happy with Taylor, and she seemed pretty happy the last time he checked. Maybe it was a dick move to ask her about her relationship with Halvo. He was one of his best friends and he knew he would never do that to him. Taylor would never do that to him either. He suddenly felt like an asshole and wanted to call Taylor, but he left his phone in the dressing room. He was about to turn around, but a certain blonde caught his eyes. Gone was the bubbly girl he was used to seeing. It hit him then that he couldn’t remember the last time she was her bubbly self. Maybe he didn’t pay attention earlier, but as she got closer, he could see the dark circles under her eyes, the slow steps her legs were making seemed like it took all of the energy she had. She forced a smile as she approached him, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, he noticed, as he looked her over. She looked tired, yet she slept more than anybody else he knew. She clutched her bag close to her body as she stopped in front of him. He noticed how her clothes practically swallowed her body whole. He wondered why it took so long for him to notice these things, not that he was a particularly observant person. Maybe he was stuck in his own world too often.

“Are you okay?” he asked, suddenly concerned.

“I’m fine,” she answered with a nod. “Just walked too far and I’m tired. That’s all.” Her eyes shifted past him and then to the ground.

“Want to go get some lunch?” he asked, hopeful that she said yes, which she did. All he could think of was that she had to have an eating disorder of some kind. That’s why he barely saw her eat, and when she did, it wasn’t much. They didn’t walk very far until they reached a Chipotle, something he had been craving for a while.

“Ah, thank god,” she said as she passed him while he held the door open from him. “We don’t have one of these in Savannah. I usually have to get some while I’m in Alabama.”

“Really? That would blow,” he laughed, watching as she ordered and consumed the most he had ever seen her eat. He sat back and watched in amazement, trying to figure out if he should rule out an eating disorder. He’d have to keep his eye on her a while longer before he could fully decide. He seemed to remember her saying that she loved food and anything pertaining to food when they were locked in that grocery store in Alabama those few years ago. But that was it; it was a few years ago. A lot could have changed in that time frame.

“You okay?” she asked, taking a sip of her water. He nodded and decided he would solve this mystery in the upcoming weeks, filing it away in his brain for later. “Taylor related things?”

He had forgotten all about his problem earlier. His concern for the girl sitting in front of him had demanded his concentration.

“Oh, yeah, Taylor related things.” He decided to tell her about everything, listening when she gave him some insight, but he wasn’t listening to anything she was saying. He was too focused on her appearance.

“I just think that you should call her and tell her that you were a jackass idiot and that you’re sorry and that you love her and want her to have your babies or whatever,” she finished, a smile playing at her lips.

“I’ll do that,” he grinned and then cleared his throat. “Listen, I don’t know if this is necessary, but are you sure you’re okay?”

She suddenly froze, looking self conscious. “Why do you keep asking me that?”

“I don know, you look a little tired.”

“That’s the polite way of telling someone they look like shit,” she groaned, grabbing her trash and disposing of it, trying to avoid Austin’s subtle attempt at a confrontation. He exited the building behind her, watching as she pulled her sunglasses out of her bag and perching them on the bridge of her nose to block out the harsh sun.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he continued.

“Look, Austin. I know that we’ve become friends and all that jazz, but you really don’t need to worry about me. You’re worse than my mother.” He bit his lip and looked her over, debating on whether or not to drop it.

“What’s going on?”

“Jesus! Nothing! I’m just tired, and if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to the venue and sleep.”

“You promise that’s all that it is?”

“Yes, dad. I promise.”

“Alright, I’ll drop it, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, falling into step with her as they made their way back to the venue. Not a single word was spoken between the two for the rest of the night. After the show was over, he found her laying in the van, passed out with a bottle of Jack Daniels hanging from her fingers. He grabbed the bottle and tossed it, listening for the shatter of glass. He wasn’t going to enable her anymore. He sat down on the floor of the van, his legs hanging out of the open door, smoking a cigarette. He knew the guys would bitch, but he didn’t care right now. His eyes traveled to the sleeping blonde, who had done nothing but force herself into a world of unconsciousness since she’d joined the tour. She barely touched her camera anymore, which confused Austin to no end. It was what she was passionate about, but she let it take the back seat. He felt his phone ring in his pocket, and he knew it was Taylor. He would call her back later. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Jess, who stirred and opened her eyes, smiling when she found Austin leaning over her.

“Hi,” she croaked out.

“Hey,” he whispered, pushing her bangs out of her face with his fingertips.

“You know, you’re really sexy when you’re taking care of me,” she informed him, slipping her hands out from under the blankets and tugging on his shirt, pulling him closer to her.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled, standing his ground.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” she asked, sitting up a bit to attach her lips to the base of his neck. He closed his eyes and took a sharp intake of breath. He remembered the things those lips did all those years ago.

“Shit,” he groaned, pushing her away gently. “What are you doing?” he asked again. Her playful mood turned sour a few seconds later. She frowned and then scoffed at him. She didn’t get rejected often. She also wasn’t in her right mind.

“I’m…I-”

“Don’t worry about it Jess, just sleep it off,” he instructed, slamming the van door behind him. As soon as he was out of view, he used the wall of the building to hold him up. He lit a cigarette and slid to the ground.

He was getting himself into a world of trouble. He spent the whole day thinking about Jessica and what could possibly be wrong with her. She didn’t leave his mind for a single second. Not even when he was on stage. His phone rang again and he ignored it, again.

Jess more than likely wouldn’t remember this tomorrow, but he would. He would remember how her lips felt against his skin, how his breath hitched and how alive she made him feel in those few seconds. Then he thought about it. He hadn’t had any contact like that since he left Arizona weeks ago.

He shook his head and dialed Taylor’s number. Her voice would bring him back to reality. He loved her and he didn’t need to start questioning that now.