Red.

The dim light cascaded through the beige color curtains, making me squint my eyes and a burning sensation coursing through the small pupils of my eyes. Even in the smallest of light, my eyes never appreciated the brightness in the morning. I lifted my head off the pillow, looking over at the small figure beside me, my eyes taking in her appearance. She looked so peaceful with her eyes shut softly and her lips parted but only to allow her to breathe. She didn’t drool or snore; she also didn’t breathe heavily either. She didn’t shift positions every five minutes and sometimes she didn’t even show signs that she was dreaming, except for the occasional small smile or soft sigh. She was a quiet sleeper unlike me.

My eyes drifted back up to her parted lips, memorizing each crease and smooth spot. She had unbelievably soft pink lips and they made me want to kiss her constantly. I was her first kiss, but it didn’t seem that way. When we kissed, if felt like she had years of experience under her belt that she wasn’t telling me about. I knew I had missed the way she felt when I touched her, but last night made me realize how I missed the way I felt when she would touch me. She sent me over the edge with her nails scraping at my chest or when she would just softly touch my tattoos like she was admiring them. Every single one of her touches left each of my nerve endings tingling.

My eyes flashed back up to her eyes when I noticed her body stirring and her piercing blue eyes peeking through her heavy eyelids. “Were you watching me sleep?” She mumbled out, closing her eyes again; the dim light affecting her as it did me. I let a small frown spread on my lips.

“I thought you had class this morning?” I asked her, ignoring her previous question. I heard her let out a small groan and propping up on her elbows, making the white sheet slip dangerously low down her chest.

“I did but I was too tired to go,” she told me, pulling the sheet back up to cover herself. I leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed the closest shirt on the floor, which happened to be mine and handed it to her. She mumbled out a thank you and pulled it over her head.

“Look about last ni–“

“Do you want breakfast?” She asked quickly with wide eyes, cutting me off. She began moving to get off the bed but I caught her wrist, pulling her back down. “Harry, please don’t.” She pleaded quietly.

“No, we need to figure this out before things get messy between us, Kay.” I watched her chest rise and fall as she sighed heavily.

“Things are already messy, Harry. Last night shouldn’t have even happened.” She twisted her wrist free from my tight grip and ran her hand through her disheveled locks.

“Well, we can talk about it and fix things, you know. We can try to be a couple again.” She shook her head, looking over at me.

“Harry, I don’t know if I can do that again. I don’t know if I can trust you to not break my heart again and leave me like you did.”

“No, Kaylin, please.” I begged, sitting up quickly. “Can we please try? I’m sorry that I broke your trust and that I ripped your heart apart but I’m miserable without you. I need you.”

“I can’t and I won’t. I gave you everything, Harry, and you left me with nothing. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment and pain again. I was finally starting to move on after spending six months moping and asking myself what I did to deserve the pain you put me though, then you come back and use your stupid charm to pull me back in. You’ve made it quite impossible to actually move on with life.” Her small speech hit me like a load of bricks. “I just think we’re better off not being together, Harry. I don’t ever want to feel the way I did just months ago. I need to focus on school again, I lost track of myself when I was with you and after you left. I can’t have any more distractions, none whatsoever.” I stared at her with wide eyes. It was like I was watching her cut open my chest, yank out my heart and rip it to shreds. I slowly began shaking my head muttering out multiple no’s, my eyebrows furrowing in pain.

“No, Kaylin. I know I hurt you but, please, can I gain your trust back again? I can promise to never hurt you again,” I pleaded but she shook her head, letting out a groan.

“No!” She yelled out frustrated and throwing her hands up in the air, making me flinch back a little. She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. Her hands dropped from her face and I saw her blue eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry,” she breathed out softly. “I can’t, I don’t love you.” I watched tears pour out of her eyes slowly and I felt mine burn, the tears threatening to fall. She just told me last night she loved me and now, she doesn’t. What happened? I didn’t understand how one’s feelings could change over night. “You should leave, Harry. The longer you stay, the harder you’ll make everything,” she barely whispered out, keeping her eyes fixated on the black and white floral design comforter.

My body moved on its own as my arms pulled my clothes on. I felt like I was in a daze, like none of this was actually real, just a terrifying nightmare. But when I turned to look back at her, I knew it was all real and I suddenly felt numb. I couldn’t feel anything, any sadness or anger. She had told me last night she loved me, but maybe she was lying. Maybe she never really loved me and maybe she regretted everything that happened last night. Even thinking that didn’t bring any pain to my body. The tears that were threatening to fall earlier never did. It was like they never even formed and it was all in my imagination.

Before I left her room, I turned around at the door and looked at her. Her head lifted up and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she watched me stand there stiffly. “I love you, Kaylin. I will always love you no matter what.” I watched her eyebrows soften and her lips part slightly. “I guess I know how you felt now.” I paused as her eyes ran over my face. “I hope everything goes well for you in life. You deserve it,” I said softly.

Even if you did rip my heart apart.

I walked out of the small room and made my way to the door, walking out for the very last time.