Red.

Five years later…

London’s weather was beautiful today. It reminded me of Florida during the springtime with the warm sun hitting the concrete, the cool wind blowing softly and many white puffy clouds filling the sky. I didn’t need a coat or jeans; I was able to dress like it was summer, even though it was only the month of March. I made my way out of the small Starbuck’s café after finishing my frappuccino I had purchased an hour ago. I kept thinking about what my toast to Eleanor and Louis’ would be. El made me her maid of honor and it scared me to be honest. I didn’t know what to say and I’ve never been good talking in front of a big crowd, but I knew I had to do it for her.

In four days, Eleanor Calder will finally be Eleanor Tomlinson and I couldn’t be any happier for her. They’re finally getting married after being together for a total of seven years and engaged for three. El had moved out a year after Harry and I had broken up, living in the north-eastern side London with Louis. Honestly, I was glad because it meant that I wouldn’t have to face Harry that often, even though I do miss seeing him all the time. Not seeing Harry made it easier for me to move on.

I saw a small crowd of people following a man as he made his way to the coffee shop and my curiosity got the best of me; it was Harry. He was wearing a simple white shirt that clung onto his defined body in the wind and a pair of dark skinny jeans that hung low on his hips with a pair of white converse that looked just like my own. He looked good. He was a little bit taller now, maybe an inch or two taller and he looked older with his hair cut shorter. The curls were still there but they didn’t hide his green eyes like they used too or sweep across his forehead. He was a little more filled out now too, more muscle. His face was still shaven clean, giving him that boyish look even though we were both long past our teenage years.

My eyes tore away from his body when I felt his eyes on me. I hadn’t changed much so I knew he remembered me, but I had hope I could’ve gone unnoticed. “Kaylin?” I heard his slow, deep voice call out to me bringing a flood of old emotions pouring into my mind. I looked up from the concrete and met his emerald eyes; they were dull, not the glimmering green color I used to know. I gave him a smile and nodded. We met each other halfway and he continued to stare at me. “I can’t believe this…” He let out a low chuckle. “You look great,” he told me, his eyes lightening up a little.

“So do you. I’m liking the new hair,” I complimented, resisting the temptation to reach up and run my fingers through his short curls.

“Thanks,” he responded with a small smile, making the dimples crease into his cheeks a little. “How have you been? You’re graduated now aren’t you?” I nodded, tugging at the hem of my tank. I hadn’t noticed until now that my palms were clammy.

“Yeah, I have an internship at the veterinarian’s office downtown now. What about you? How’s the band doing?” I watched his features fall a little and his eyes turn immediately to sadness.

“We broke up. Louis’s getting married soon and Niall missed his home too much so we decided it was best to move on with our lives,” he informed me sadly.

“I’m sorry, that must’ve been hard.” He shrugged his shoulders and his eyes looked away from my gaze.

“It was bound to happen at some point. At least now I can finally settle down and live somewhat normally…” His head turned back to the small crowd of women standing a little ways away. I let out a small laugh.

“You’ll never be normal, Harry. You never were,” I told him with a small smile. His eyes met mine once again and we stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. I broke his gaze with a small smile, looking at the females behind him. “Well, uh, I better go. I have to go home and get Lilly to the vet. It was nice seeing you again Harry.” I noticed a light pink color tint his cheeks as he nodded, dropping his eyes to the ground.

“Oh, of course. It’s always nice seeing you too Kaylin. I’ll, er, see you around, yeah?” I gave him a small nod and turned on my heel. Before I could begin walking, his question stopped me, surprising me. “Why are you still here in London?” I turned around to look at him. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I thought you would want to return to the states after you graduated.” I observe his slightly confused features, watching his eyebrows furrow, creating the wrinkles between them.

“I fell in love here, I couldn’t just leave,” I told him honestly. He didn’t say anything but I watched his eyes brighten up a little before I gave him a shy smile and turned, walking away. I couldn’t fight the smile that was growing on my lips and I also couldn’t stop myself from turning back around again to look at him. He was watching me, and it made my heart flutter uncontrollably like it did just five years ago. A small smirk was planted on his lips as he lifted his hand and gave me a small wave. I stopped in the middle in the sidewalk, people walking around me and lifted my hands to cup my mouth. “Do you want to get coffee tomorrow?” I shouted out over the noisy people and I saw his eyebrows rise with amusement. He nodded quickly and I smiled, pointing to the Starbuck’s and raised two fingers in the air indicating what time. He gave me a thumbs up and I bit my lip softly before turning to finally leave.
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I pulled nervously at my scrubs as I made my way from the counter across the small shop to the table where Harry was occupying. I slid into the booth across from him and he gave me an amused smirk. “Oh, shut it. I didn’t have time to change before I came here,” I retorted jokingly, taking a sip of my green tea.

“I didn’t say anything,” Harry said smartly with a grin.

“You were thinking about it though.” He just shrugged and leaned forward, looking at me intently. “What?” I asked softly, dropping my eyes from his gaze to my drink.

“Nothing, I was just wondering where you live and stuff since Louis and Eleanor moved in together like three years ago. Do you live by yourself now?” I nodded, averting my eyes elsewhere before landing on his face again.

“Yeah, when she moved out I just decided to find a flat for myself. I didn’t want to room with anyone at school. I live closer to the city now though; it’s a five-minute walk to the vet’s office. What about you? Where do you live now?”

“I live in Hampstead. I bought a house there a few years ago.” He told me, sitting back and crossing his arms. My eyes moved down his body to his arms, watching the muscles bulge slightly.

“A house? Doesn’t it get lonely?” I asked him, lifting my eyes back up to his. He shrugged and I noticed his left cheek cave in slightly as he chewed on it like he was holding back. “So, um, any girls in your life?” I asked with a small smile.

“Really? We shouldn’t talk about our dating life, but in case you’re seriously wondering, no. At least not anything serious.” He told me, a hint of bitterness filling his eyes. I nodded and leaned forward placing my chin in the palm of my hand, and looked out the glass window, sighing softly. It was silent except for the soft chatter and the banging of the equipment from behind the counter. “Are you seeing anyone?” I heard Harry asked me hesitantly and I looked over at him.

“Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’ and keeping my eyes focused on my cup. I didn’t want to get into details about my non-existent love life. Sure, I had a few one-night stands I wasn’t very proud of, but he didn’t need to know that. He also didn’t need to know that I only thought of him when I was with other men or that I was still hopelessly in love with him. I never left satisfied, just only even more frustrated.

“Why’d you do it, Kay?” My head flew up quickly, my eyes wide with surprise. That was the last question I thought he’d ever ask. I felt sick all the sudden, my stomach twisting unpleasantly. I swallowed back the vomit that was threatening to come up and I took a long sip of my tea. I knew I could tell him the truth, but did I want too? Could I tell him that I let my fear of getting too close and then ending up heart broken, get in the way? That I was too scared to admit that I was wrong?

“Honestly…” I paused while he waited patiently for me to continue. “I was scared. I was scared that I would end up heart broken again. But the moment you walked out that door, I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life, Harry. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to call you or walk by your building, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually admit that I was wrong.” I fell silent after my confession, waiting for Harry to yell, scream or to just say something.

“Are you going to Louis and El’s wedding?” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and nodded slowly.

“Of course, I am.” Did he not hear a word I just said?

“I’m the best man, El told me you were her maid of honor. How’s that going?” He asked quietly, looking away from my eyes.

“It’s fine, Harry. Did you not hear a word I just said?”

“I heard you.” He lifted his eyes back to mine and I could see the pain in his eyes. “I just…” His eyes squinted a little as he observed my face. “I don’t understand. Did you even love me?” My heart began racing in my chest, making my cheeks flush lightly. Did I love him? Of course, I did and I still do. I am still hopelessly and completely in love with him.

“Yes, I did. I only said I didn’t because I wanted you to leave, I knew you wouldn’t leave if I had told you otherwise, Harry.” I was about to continue when my phone started vibrating against the table. I looked at the screen and saw Eleanor’s text asking to meet her at the dress shop. “I have to go, Harry. I’m sorry but Eleanor needs me. I’ll see you at the wedding, yeah?” He nodded and stood up with me. I looked into his eyes and gave him a small smile, “I never stopped loving you Harry. I don’t think I ever will…” I admitted thoughtfully to him before turning and walking out of the shop.

I couldn’t help but to look back at Harry once I had reached the door and I didn’t regret it because when I did, he was sitting back down, looking with his phone with a huge grin on his face. I smiled to myself before feeling my phone vibrate in my hand and I looked at the screen. My heart fluttering as I read the words in the text.

I never stopped loving you either. You are everything to me, Kaylin. See you Saturday morning, love.