I Never Told a Lie, and That Makes Me a Liar

Two questions:
1. Why the hell am I up at 1:30 in the morning, much less driving on a freeway to I'm not even sure at this unholy hour?
2. What has Leila gotten herself into this time?

Here comes Zombie-Jess to the rescue. After all, "a friend in need is a friend indeed". Or was it "a friend with weed"? Either way.

I left right after I got the unusually vague message from her number, though I'm pretty sure she wasn't the one texting for several reasons. For starters, every other word was spelled wrong - something she would never send, no matter what state of coherence she was in - and secondly, she would never spell "come" as "cum". That's just tacky.

Regardless, I was on my way, blasting through the California freeways heading while trying to keep my eyes open toward what I felt was going to be a big mess. But hey, I'm always down for an adventure, especially with that crazy girl involved. This is going to cost her a lot of Starbucks runs, though.

I slowly pulled up to the address the text told me to go to and was floored. Who in their right mind would tell someone to meet up at a McDonald's in the middle of Arizona because of a "prblm" (I think that meant "problem", but text slang isn't my thing. It could mean "please return butter little miss" for all I know). The worst thing I could think of was that they had Coke instead of Pepsi. Big problem there.

I parked and headed inside, though I do use the word "parked" loosely because most people would call my efforts a mess at best. But hey, most of my car was in. Sorry, irrelevant.

It's been four years since I've been in a McDonald's and I was disgusted not only by the unappetizing food, but for the fact that Leila wasn't in there and worry, not stomach acid, was eating away at my stomach. I jogged out of the restaurant and scanned the parking lot, noticing two rather large black buses parked off on complete opposite sides of the large lot.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," I cursed under my breath while storming toward the middle of the parking lot to get a better view. She always talked about touring with a super hot band, but I couldn't believe she actually seemingly managed to make it happen - without inviting me! Come to think about it, she hadn't been texting much and never said what she was doing. I knew instantly that she was in one of those buses, but which one? And who the hell was she with?

I stealthily prowled over to the bus on the right, though my attempt at being covert probably was overly obnoxious and noticeable. Then I jogged over to the other bus, panting as I arrived I circled each bus and tried to peer in like an innocent bystander, but either the windows were too tall or too tinted. If only I was tall enough to be a model or have an x-ray vision super power. Unfortunately, I was born too ordinary.

I took a few steps back and thought of a strategy to lure Leila out without getting arrested. I could text her, but I still wasn't sure she had her phone. If she was kidnapped, I didn't want her oppressor to know a rescue mission was on the way. There needed to be another way. I would have to make a choice.

After a few agonizing seconds, I couldn't think of anything, so I just shrugged and marched up to the van on the right because it was closer and I was sweating like melting ice cream and panting like a dog who just ran a marathon. Oh well, nothing like being blunt.

When I reached the bus, I peered around, decided now was better than never, and began pounding on the door with all of my lack-of-might.

"LEILA, YOU BETTER COME OUT THIS INSTANT OR ELSE I'M GOING TO STUFF EGG MCMUFFINS DOWN YOUR BRA!"

When the door didn't open, I kept going.

"HURRY UP! I'M GETTING A SUNBURN! YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO PUT ALOE ALL OVER MY SWEATY BACK, AND I WON'T TAKE A SHOWER JUST TO MAKE YOU SUFFER! GET OU-OW-OH!"

I hit something soft in the middle of my last threat. Either the door turned into stale jello or the door was open. I cracked my eyes open and gasped when I saw who was standing there. Either I was crazy, which is debatable, or Zack Merrick from All Time Low was standing in the range of my fists' fury. And he looked angrier than my raw muscle power.

"Who the fuck are you?" he growled.

Whoa, what a warm welcome. I quickly decided to strategize and play ignorant.

"Who are YOU?" I shot back while moving to lean on the open door, trying to keep my uncaring cool facade up.

"Oh, you don't know who I am? Then why the fuck are you banging on my door, screaming, at seven in the fucking morning, calling out to my girl?!"

Whoa. I did not see this one coming. What has she been doing?! Scanning the angry bassist in front of me, I applauded her. She was not doing ugly. But in any event, Leila, you owe me big time.

"Uh, surprise?!" I squeaked.

"Wrong bus," he shouted while slamming the door in my face.

I sprinted to the other bus and as I got there, the door swung open and heavenly air conditioning streamed out. I stepped in and called out between heavy intakes of air:

"LEILA, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO!"