Louie.

I used to think about my mom a lot when I first came here. It didn’t help that whenever I’d argue with my dad those first couple days, he’d bring her up and put all the blame on her. That all of my issues were because of her, that she didn’t do this or that like she should have.

I wasn’t fond of her, but I couldn’t help but get angry at him for talking about her like that. My dad left us when I was young. He left us and now I see where he’s been all this time.

In these perfect cookie-cutter houses with five kids of his own.

I don’t want to think about how that happened.

He walked out on me and now he wanted to point fingers.

It makes perfect fucking sense.

I thought I was done thinking about her, I thought it was all over.

But of course I can’t win.

And this morning while I’m laying in bed I can’t stop myself from replaying all those times she yelled at me. All those times she got mad at things I did that I couldn’t help. All those words that cut so deep.

The tension of the muscles in my throat hurts so much and threat of waterworks is present.

The knock at my door reminds me to stay in control. And so I put on my best emotionless face and see who it is, and I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

I wish avoiding Rockwell was easy, in factI’m pretty sure doing so use to be effortless.

Rockwell used to walk into our house unannounced and head up to Lorrain’s room without saying anything to me. And I was okay with that, but now he always tries to talk to me and lingers in my doorway. Like a total creeper.

It catches me off guard and I never know what to say. It makes me feel like I’m seriously beginning to lack social skills.

Then again I really haven’t spoken to my friends in about a week, or anyone outside these walls aside from its occupants.

I’ve been trapped inside me head.For such a long time.

I am stuck.

And I’m damn fucking fine with things being that way. I don’t like these people.

I don’t like how Rockwell looks at me, like he’s judging meor looking into my soul

So this time when he stands in my doorway I just give him a blank stare.

He gives a half-attempted wave and a head nod before heading to Lorraine’s room.

Pleasejust stay away