I Don't Wanna Feel a Thing Anymore.

11 Days Ago (huge jump I know I’m getting impatient)

Getting married took longer than we both wanted. We still weren’t actually married yet, seeing as it wasn’t legal in California. But we would be soon. We were looking at moving to New York, and other various places. We weren’t sure yet.

This particular Sunday, I was very tired. It’s funny how Sunday always gives you the same feeling, whether you’re 8 or 26. I rolled over, realizing Vic wasn’t there. He was such a morning person, always getting up to do his errands and stuff. But then I heard his voice, and I pretended to be asleep. I love when he woke me up. The door was open, and he was pacing back and forth in the hallway, talking on the phone.

“Mike, I don’t know… what if he won’t listen?” He said quietly. “Yeah, I know… but I can’t be positive he’ll listen to me. We have to be careful… We both have something to live for now. We can’t be that careless anymore…. I…. Mike, whatever.” What the fuck was he talking about? “Shut the hell up. Yeah, I love you too. Bye.” I slammed my eyes shut again as he hung up.

“Good morning!” He said cheerfully, practically jumping on top of me. I turned around to pull him close.

“How are you always so energetic in the morning?” I grumbled, earning a laugh.

“All because of you, Kell.” He kissed me, cuddling up next to me. This was a little more cheery than he was usually. Oh well, I wasn’t complaining. “So, do you want to go on a date tonight? I’ve been saving my money!” He asked, propping himself up on his elbow to look at me. I nodded excitedly.

“I’d love to!” I said, touching his cheek. He smiled and kissed my nose.

“Awesome! I have to go to work, but I’ll be back at six thirty.” He said, climbing out of bed to get dressed.

“Sounds great. I’m going back to sleep now, though.” I told him, pulling the covers back up over my face and making him giggle. God, that laugh would be the death of me.

“Hey Kell?” He ventured, causing me to peek over the comforter.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Vic. I’ll see you tonight.”

The day dragged by in anticipation for tonight. Vic’s sketchy conversation also had me on edge. I just cleaned the house and did the laundry, girl things. Valerie and Beau were both out, also. Beau and I had gotten a lot closer in the last months.

It was about three in the afternoon when my phone rang with an unknown number. I picked it up tentatively.

“Hello?”

“Kellin, is this you?” It was a girl on the other line. Her voice sounded vaguely familiar.

“Uh, yes.”

“It’s Harper.” Holy shit. My sister.

“Um, hi. What’s up?” This was turning into a very confusing day.

“Kellin, can you come to Michigan? Mom is sick. John left…” John was their stepfather. She sounded so stressed, on the verge of tears. I wasn’t aware that she even still lived in Michigan.

“How sick?” I asked, getting ready to hang up and call Vic.

“Dying.”

“Harper, I can’t pay for a plane ticket.” This wasn’t a lie.

“I will. Please, Kellin.” She sounded so desperate. I sighed in resignation.

“Fine. I’ll be there tonight. Text me the details.” She gave me the address of the hospital, and my other sister’s number. I was going for Harper, not my mother. I called Vic afterwards. I was worried, not only because we had plans, but because of his call with Mike, also. He picked up on the last ring, sounding confused.

“Hello?”

“Vic, Harper just called. Harper as in my sister that I haven’t talked to or seen in nine years. Apparently my mom is really sick, dying, she wants me to come out there… I agreed. She’s paying for it.” I realized how heartlessly I said the words. I couldn’t care less about my mom.

“Oh my god, Kellin. Go, please. Our date can wait. I love you. I’ll text you when I’m off work.” He said quickly.

“I may be on the plane, but I’ll call you. I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.” I said, putting more emotion into my voice when my words were directed at Vic. I got a text from Harper saying that my plane left at six, and a link to my printable boarding pass. I needed to get there early, because I had a bad history of missing planes. I left a quick note for Beau and Val, and put a sticky note that said ‘I love you’ on Vic’s pillow. I grabbed a duffel bag and shoved a few essential things in it, and got in the car to go back to Michigan.

I hated planes. They made me so fucking nervous. I hadn’t been on one in a very long time. The ride was only about two hours long, thankfully. I hated having my phone off. Not to mention the fact in that the year and a half Vic and I had been dating, we hadn’t been apart for more than a work day.

The second the plane landed, I turned my phone on. I had a voicemail from Harper around 45 minutes ago, and one from Vic about an hour and a half ago. I had expected Vic to be calling, so I checked my sister’s first. She was crying.

“Kellin, I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I’m sorry. Mom passed. Kellin, you know she wanted to see you. I’m sorry. If you want to come to the funeral, you can. Please do. I’m so sorry. Thank you.” I was in shock as the message ended with a click. I got off the plane in a daze. As much as I thought I didn’t care, it hit me hard. My mom was dead.

And then I remembered Vic’s message. That was not what I was expecting, either.

“Kellin, Kellin. I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed home. It’s not Mike’s fault, it’s not your fault. Don’t blame him. I love you, okay? I love you so fucking much. More than anyone in the whole world. I’m sorry. I’ll meet you there, someday, I promise. I’ll be waiting at the gates.” There was angry yelling in the background; a scream. “I love-“ Vic’s voice whispered before it cut off.

Oh my… what the fuck? I had no idea what to think. I listened to the message again. What the hell? What happened? I felt the tears starting to rise. I stood inside the airport door, unable to move. I finally called Beau. He answered on the first ring.

“Kellin.” He had been crying.

“Beau. What happened to Vic?” I struggled to keep my voice level. It came out raspy.

“Kellin. Come back now.” He said, hanging up on me. I walked up to the counter, letting my tears fall. I knew I had to play this well if I wanted to get a flight back to San Diego tonight. The flight attendant behind the counter seemed pretty, so I played on that.

“Can I help you sir?” She asked shakily. I looked up at her with my best puppy dog eyes.

“Yes, um, my sister just died, and I really need to get back to San Diego tonight.” My voice was so strained. A little lie never hurt, especially not in a crucial time like this. You never knew how people would react to finding out you were gay.

“Oh, sir, let me see what I can do.” She said quickly, pressing buttons on her computer. “Here, there’s a flight in a half an hour. Worry about the money later.” She printed my boarding pass and gave it to me, directing me to the right gate. “I’m sorry for your loss.” I nodded, thanking her and hurrying off to catch my flight.