Back to You

“I didn’t think that you would want to go somewhere public, so we’re just going back to my flat. Is that okay?” Liam asked Blair once they were settled in his car once more. He tapped his fingers nervously on the wheel as he awaited her reply.

Blair let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t want the press to catch them together and then dig into the past. That would end badly for everyone. “That’s fine. It’s better that way.”

Liam nodded in agreement and continued to tap his fingers. He was so nervous; he couldn’t even make light conversation. So the two rode in silence. Blair was playing with the ends of her hair, which caused Liam to smile.

She looked beautiful tonight. Her hair was wild, her face was makeup-less, her clothes were simple. Blair looked how she always looked. Liam loved that about her. She was so simple. It was a huge difference from Dani, who was always concerned with her looks. Blair always let people take her at face value, and that was a trait that he always admired.

Blair felt his sideways glances. They came every few seconds. It never lasted long, but it happened a lot. Her cheeks were bright pink the whole ride. His gaze always had a strange effect on her.

Liam opened Blair’s door for her when they arrived at the building. Her simple “thank you” was the only words uttered between the two in the last ten minutes. But surprisingly to both of them, the silence that had settled between them was not awkward.

On their ride in the lift, Liam took Blair’s hand in his. He didn’t lace their fingers; he just wrapped his hand around hers. He didn’t intend it to be an intimate gesture. But the second their palms met, he didn’t think he’d ever been closer to her. No kiss, no sex, no other contact had ever made him feel so whole.

He entire body was buzzing when the doors to the lift opened and he lead her to his door again. Without releasing her hand, he slipped the key in the lock and pushed it open. He reluctantly dropped her hand when they stepped inside.

Blair took off her coat slowly and looked around the apartment. It looked cleaner than usual. This made her smile. Liam had cleaned up for her. Everything was spotless and there was not one thing out of place.

“Come on. I made you dinner.” He put a hand on the small of her back and nudged her toward the kitchen area. Blair sighed at the feeling of his warm touch. It was always so perfect when he touched her.

Blair laughed out loud when they entered the kitchen. Sitting on the counter was a chocolate cake. It was her favorite food. She and Liam would always eat cake when she didn’t want to eat dinner. “You remembered!” She giggled, running a finger through the frosting.

“I remember everything.” He said seriously, meeting her gaze with an intensity that made her knees weak. “And who could forget your love for cake? Its all you ever ate.” He chuckled, lightening the mood.

“It was not!” She said defensively. “I ate other things…” She trailed off, remembering her eating habits when she was in school. Blair ate junk food all the time. Liam always teased her about it because he was so health conscious.

“Of course. Like pizza and jellybeans.” He pointed out, and turned to grab some plates.

“Duh. The main food groups.” She giggled again. Blair was slightly embarrassed that she kept giggling all the time. The only person that had ever had that effect on her was Liam. “I can assure you though, I don’t eat like I did when I was 16.”

“Gotten older and wiser?” Liam asked her as he took a knife through the cake and placing a slice on her plate.

“No.” She looked down at the cake for a moment. “Just…since I had Jordie…my body just isn’t the same…” Liam stopped, looking at Blair, his mouth agape. He hadn’t even considered that there were side effects for Blair after she had Jordie.

“Oh. Um.” He said awkwardly, looking down at his old plate.

“Its okay, Liam.” She placed a hand on top of his. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He shook his head, handing her a fork. He motioned to the small dining room table, indicating that she should go sit. She did and he followed behind her slowly. Once they were settled and had taken a couple bites of their cake, Liam finally spoke up.

“The more time I spend with you, the more I feel like a total jackass.” He admitted, keeping his eyes on his plate.

“How do you mean?” Blair replied, looking at him. She only saw the top of his head but she didn’t look away.

“You were a single mother. You were 16. You can’t even eat your favorite foods anymore and I just walked away. I let you do it all by yourself. As of leaving you with a child was bad enough, I always said I would be there for you. And I wasn’t. You had to deal with the judgment, insecurity, and loneliness all by yourself. And I-I just went on as if nothing ever happened…” He was silenced when he felt her hand on his once again.

“I told you to. Liam-all I’ve ever wanted for you was for you to have everything you’ve dreamed of. You had been dreaming of singing since before you knew me. I didn’t want to be the reason you regretted anything. I did it because I wanted the best for you. So please, don’t hate yourself. You did what I wanted.” She smiled sadly at him when he finally looked into her eyes.

“I was ready to choose you, Blair. You were way more important than my singing. Jordie is so much more important than any of it. I’m just sorry it took me two years to realize that.”

“We’ve already been through this. We forgave each other for the past. Let’s just move on, okay?” She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Liam nodded, not saying anything. Their cake had been forgotten as they studied each other in the harsh light of Liam’s flat.

“Are you done? I have something to show you.” He asked after a few minutes. When she nodded he stood quickly, leaving the plates on the table. Blair stood as well, waiting for him to tell her where they were going.

He held his hand out and Blair took in quickly. They walked through the flat slowly. Liam stopped at a closed door. She assumed it was his bedroom. Blair couldn’t stop the scoff from leaving her lips.

Liam laughed at her reaction. “Just wait.” He told her, pushing the door open. His room wasn’t as clean as the rest of the flat. He flipped the light on and tugged her inside. There were clothes littered on the floor and his shelves were cluttered. “Sorry about the mess.” He said, leading her to the side of the bed.

She raised her eyebrow as she watched his every move. She had no idea what he was up to. He left her side and went back to the door, closing it softly. “Lie down.” He commanded from his spot by the door.

“Why?” She asked hesitantly. He knew what she was thinking which made him smirk.

“Just do it. Trust me.” He said softly, watching her from across the room. She sighed and complied. Kicking off her shoes, she crawled onto his bed and lay on her back. Her fingers clasped together and rested on her stomach. She waited for Liam to do something.

The bedroom light turned off and she was enveloped in blackness. “Liam, what the-“ She started, and then stopped when she looked at the ceiling. A small chuckle slipped out as she gazed up.

The ceiling was covered in plastic glow in the dark stars. They were different sizes and they were scattered haphazardly. There were so many, they illuminated the room just enough that she could make out Liam’s figure approaching her. The mattress shifted as he climbed on the bed and settled next to her.

“I couldn’t take you outside. And we live in the city, so there isn’t much to see anyway. I put these up sometimes. Stars make me think of you.” He said softly, looking up at the glowing ceiling.

“Stars make me think of you too. Out first date is one of my favorite memories.” She said in a voice that matched his tone.

His hand found hers and he laced their fingers together. It was a loose clasp that connected them. Their breathing was slow and relaxed as they stared into the strange green lights.

“Did you think of me a lot?” Blair asked him, turning her head so she could look at him. “Before I came to London, I mean?”

“Everyday.” He told her easily.

“Because of Jordie?”

“Well, yes. But I thought of you. About how in love with you I was. Still am. Always will be.” He lifted her hand to his lips and placed soft kisses on her knuckles.

“How do you know?” She sounded sad. Liam couldn’t decide why.

“What do you mean how do I know?”

“How do you know you still love me? That you always will?” She bit her lip and sighed, frustrated that she didn’t know the answers to these impossible questions.

Liam shrugged, and flattened her palm out on his chest, right over his heart. It was beating at a rapid pace. “Because of the way you make me feel. I can’t put it into words, Blair. There aren’t words. Everyday we were apart I loved you more. Every time I look at Jordie I fall deeper and deeper. I won’t ever stop.”

He heard her sniffle and looked over at her. Tears were pooling in her eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment. “How can you love me when I can’t love you back?” Her voice was hoarse thanks to her crying.

Liam sat up and leaned over her. He didn’t want to get to close, so it was a little weird to hover her in such an intimate setting. He cupped her cheek and brushed away her stray tears with his thumb. “I don’t need you too. Not yet. I know you’ll come back to me.”

Blair smiled weakly and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His warm breath tickled her lips as they stayed like that for a moment. “Kiss me.” She whispered. Just like the first time, Liam obliged.

Their lips touched together. They had kissed so many times in their relationship, but this one felt like the first. The unsure scared teenagers came back. It was just like her first kiss when she was 15. The butterflies, the fear it was all the same. Blair’s mind was reeling as Liam’s familiar lips moved against hers firmly but hesitantly.

“Mmmm. I love you.” Liam whispered against her lips once they pulled apart. He rolled off her and flipped onto his back once more. Blair scooted closer and tucked into his side. She placed her head on his toned chest. Her ear was right over his beating heart. It was still going crazy, and she smiled.

She may not know about love just yet, but Blair knew that there wasn’t anyone else in the world for her but Liam.