Without You, There is No Me

The date is fantastic, amazing really. He takes me to a small venue where local bands perform. They all kind of suck and he agrees so he grabs my hand and we leave and walk around town.

“Thanks for the amazing date.” I smiled.

“No problem, can I interest you in another?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“We could just hang out somewhere. I don’t know whatever you’d like.” He suggests.

“Just hanging out sounds good,”

“I should get you home so your parents don’t kill me.”

“They’d kill me first, so you’re good.” He chuckles at my response. We walk to my house and he hugs me tightly.

“Isn’t this the part where you ask to come in? I don’t do this a whole lot. I’m not used to dates.” I joke.

“I’m not either, but I care about you a lot so I’m not going to even try that yet.” He smiles as he releases me. He kisses me carefully and says goodbye.

I watch as he walks away towards his house and I smile and think to myself 'this, this is what love is.'

~

After skipping school for nearly a week, I have to go back. It’s Monday and I have enough school work to keep me occupied for a month straight. I get home and start on my schoolwork and just as I really get concentrated my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cat,” Vic replies,

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m bored.”

“I have a ton of homework.” I sigh.

“Want some help? I could drop by.”

“As awesome as that sounds, I would get in trouble. I can’t afford to get in anymore trouble.”

“Truth be told, neither can I.” he laughs.

“Go do some homework.”

“Pushy,” he says.

“Bye Vic.”

“Bye Cat.” I smile and hang up the phone.

~

That weekend Vic invites me over, he said he was home alone and that he was lonely. I knock on his front door gently and step back. I pulled awkwardly at my grey cardigan waiting for him to answer the door. He smiled as he opened it and greeted me happily.

“Hey,” I smiled back to him.

“Right so this is my house, it’s nothing fancy or anything.” He explained walking beside me. “This is the living room, kitchen, dining room. Let’s go upstairs to my room.”

I follow him and walk behind him up the stairs with a light grasp on his hand. The last time I was in his room I didn’t really see it, seeing as there was a larger issue. I looked around and smiled at the posters, so many bands everywhere. He had a stereo by his bed with tons of CD’s surrounding it. There were clothes on the floor and a guitar up against his wall.

“You play guitar?” I asked.

“Yeah, but not well though.” He shrugged.

“I’m sure you’re great.” I smiled. “Do you sing too?”

“I try to.”

“Play me something.” I say.

“What do you want to hear?”

“Something of yours, if you have any.” I smile to him.

He pulls out a black notebook from under his mattress, it’s torn and tattered and filled with papers hanging out of the side. I sit on his bed and cross my legs. He sits across from me with the acoustic guitar, turns to a page in his notebook, and tunes the guitar slightly.

“Ok, I wrote this recently I don’t know I think you may have inspired it. It’s just about feeling alone and I don’t want you to feel that. I called it Hold On Till May.” He says to me.

He starts to play a few chords before and I start to stare slightly. He plays so well and beautifully, it has me in a trance. He clears his throat and then he starts.

'She sits up high surrounded by the sun
One million branches and she loves every one
"Mom and dad, did you search for me?
I've been up here so long I'm going crazy"

And as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound
And as we own this night
I put your body to the test with mine
This love was out of control
3-2-1 where did it go?

Now don't be crazy
Yes now of course you can stay here.
Been in a touring band for going on ten years.
"Big deal," she said, "I guess you're official"
I only said it 'cause I know what it's like to feel

Burned out
It gets you down,
We've all been there sometimes
But tonight I'll make you feel beautiful once again

And as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound
And as we own this night
I put your body to the test with mine
This love was out of control
3-2-1 where did it go?

If I were you, I'd put that away
See, you're just wasted
And thinking about the past again
Darling you'll be okay

And she said,

"If you were me, you'd do the same
'Cause I can't take anymore
I'll draw the shades and close the door
Everything's not alright and I would rather..."

And as the sun went down we ended up on the ground
I heard the train shake the windows
You screamed over the sound
And as we own this night
I put your body to the test with mine
This love was out of control
Tell me where did it go?'

By the end of it I had never felt happier, he sang so beautifully and the fact that such a well written and amazing song was inspired by me made me feel amazing. I started to feel tears reach my eyes. He set the guitar down and looked at me.

I kept my head down slightly, trying not to cry. In the back of my mind I just said ‘fuck it’ and got up on my knees, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He wrapped his muscular arms around my middle and I started to cry.

“Thank you,” I cried into his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean for you to cry.” He said.

“No, no these are good tears. I think, I really have no idea.” I said pulling away slightly. He pulled me down so I was sitting in his lap, bridal style in a way. “But really thank you.”

“I care about you, I don’t want you to feel so lonely.” He kissed the top of my head. I wrapped my arms back around his neck.

“I’m okay when I’m with you though, so just don’t fuck me over.” I whispered.

“Never,” he said, and even though nothing else was said for a while, it was as if a silent promise had been made, a promise that said that everything would be okay as long as we were together. That everything would be okay in the end and that we would always have each other.

~