Scream in the Dark

I fumbled with my zipper, Christy coming to the rescue, "You know, without me I don't know what you'd do."

I turned around, my dress swishing, "I'd die." I said, tears in my eyes. I pulled her in for a hug, "Honestly, I don't know what I'd do either."

She wiped at the tears, "You'll ruin your makeup! Stop!" She giggled, pulling me back into a hug.

I laughed, my nerves making me shake, "I'm sorry. I'm just.. overwhelmed."

"You're not gonna be a runaway bride, are you?" She teased, waving a manicured finger at me.

I smiled, resting a hand on my pregnant stomach, "I don't think so."

~*~

The music started, everyone stood as I made my way down the aisle arm-in-arm with Vic. He smiled at me, sadness laced in his gaze. I kissed his cheek, mumbling a thank you, and walked over to join Tony. He gave me a huge smiled, tears already forming in his eyes.

"You look.. just beautiful." He said, touching my cheek, "Beautiful.."

The pastor cleared his throat, "My friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of committed marital love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite Antonio Perry and Elise Sosbe marriage.

"The commitment that the two of you are about to make is the most important commitment that two people can make, you are about to create something new, the marriage relationship, an entity that never ends. As you stand here today, are you now prepared to begin this commitment to one another?" He looked between the two of us.

I smiled, looking over at Tone, "Of course."

He took my hand, "Absolutely."

The pastor nodded, continuing with the standard lines. "Anotonio Perry, will you have this woman, in all her faults and imperfections, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

I looked up through my eyelashes at him, my heart hammering. He smiled, wiping tears from his cheeks, "I-I will."

"Will you love and comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

Tony nodded, not able to speak anymore. I smiled reassuringly up at him, squeezing his hand tightly.

Pastor John looked at me, "And do you, Elise Sosbe, promise to love and cherish this man, to keep him, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

He nodded, motioning for the ring barer to bring the rings. I smiled at Tony again, letting go of his hand. The pastor continued, saying the lines Tony needed to say.

Tony took the ring from the pillow, grabbing my hand and looking me in the eye and repeated after him, "I, Tony Perry take you Elise Sosbe to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward," He stopped, furrowing his brow, "What was the next part?" Some people laughed, but I was focused on Tony and only Tony.

The pastor smiled, "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we bother shall live." He repeated.

Tony nodded, "For better or worse, for richer or poorer, whether you're sick or healthy, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live." He said, sliding the silver band onto my finger.

I didn't think I could smile any wider than I was, but I was wrong. I repeated after pastor John, my vows a bit different than his. Tony bit his lip, lacing his fingers with mine.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, Tony and Elise Perry," He said, turning to Tony, "You may now kiss the bride."

He pulled me to him, our lips crashing together. Leia, who was standing next to us, made a noise of disgust before bursting into giggles. I pulled back, biting his lip, and picked Lee up. She laughed, pounding on my back, "Momma, put me down!"

I sat her on my hip, barely able to do so because of my protruding belly, "Aren't you happy for momma?" I asked.

She nodded, playing with her dress, "I am happy! Now Tone-Tone is my poppa!" She said, looking excitedly at Tony.

He laughed, pulling us both into hugs, "I've always been your poppa, Lee." He said, kissing the side of her head.

She put her hand in the air, "Well, yeah. But now you're my real poppa!"

I smiled, resting my forehead on hers, "Do you wanna go see your real poppa today?"

She gave me a quizzical look that was very mature for a four year old, "I thought he was gone in the place where old people go."

I chuckled at her innocence, "He is, baby, but we can still visit him." I looked over at Tony, hoping he'd be okay with this.

He smiled, nodding, "I think you should take Lee and Vic and go see him."

I felt tears well up, "Come on, Leia, help momma get into regular clothes."

~*~

"This is daddy?" Leia asked, her voice low.

I nodded, pointing at the headstone that had his name on it, "He's right there."

She plopped down in front of it, tracing the letters, "Wow, daddy. I wish you could've seen momma in her dress, she was the most prettiest girl I've ever seen. Well, except for Hermione." She said, Hermione sounding like Hermy, "I can't wait until I'm old and go where the old people go so I can see you, daddy. Momma says you're real fun. Do you know about Harry Potter?"

She continued to have a conversation with his headstone, only stopping to trace the letters on it. I looked over at Vic, tears streaming down my face.

He wiped them off, "Is this the first time you brought her here?"

I nodded, sitting down on the ground and watching Leia, "I wanted her to be able to kind of understand what this means." I said, gesturing around the cemetery.

He nodded, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "I miss him."

A sob burst out of my chest. He pulled me closer to him, rubbing my back, "I can't believe it's been almost five years." I whispered when I'd calmed down.

He nodded, picking at the grass, "I can't believe it either."

I looked over at him, studying his features, "Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked him.

He looked startled, "Tell you what?"

I rolled my eyes, "You know what, Victor."

"I-I don't." He said unconvincingly.

I lifted his chin up, "Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt about me?"

He pulled his chin away, "Because there's nothing to tell."

I sighed, rubbing my swollen ankles, "At one point I felt the same, you know."

He looked up, "Really?" He whispered.

I shrugged, "Yeah. I mean, I think it was more lust than anything, but if you would've told me.." I shrugged again.

"Damn it," He said, "Damn it all."

I almost laughed, pulling him into my side, "Vicky," I started playing with his hair, "I love you. You know that. I always will, like I always will Mikey. But that's it, it doesn't go any deeper than that."

He sat up, fixing his hair under his beanie, "I-"

I cut him off, laying a hand over my stomach, "You need to hear this just as much as I need to say it." He sighed, nodding for me to continue, "I am not in love with you, Vic. I will never be in love with you."

A look of pain filled his features.

"I do not want you like you want me. I never will. I'm sorry because you're a wonderful guy and you deserve to be blissfully happy, but I can't give that to you. I love Tony, I'm in love with him. I'm carrying his child. Hell, I just got married to the guy!" I said, throwing my hand up so he could see the ring.

He nodded, wiping angrily at the tears on his face, "I understand."

I placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm not telling you this to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry, Vic, but you need to move on. Do what Mike never could, and get your life back."

He sighed, nodding, "You're right. I need to do this for Mikey."

"And you." I said.

He looked over at Leia, "One thing though."

I closed my eyes; I was afraid this was going to happen. "What?"

He turned back to me, his face vulnerable, "Can I kiss you?"

My heart skipped a beat, Tony flashing through my mind, "I don't kn-"

He cut me off, "You don't need to kiss me back. I just.. I need to know."

I nodded, pulling my jacket tighter around me. "Okay. One kiss."

He smiled triumphantly, placing a hand on the back of my neck and pulling my lips to his. The kiss was soft; sweet. There wasn't a spark there, but there was something. Friendship, maybe. He pulled back, a melancholic smile on his face, "Thank you."

I nodded, lacing my fingers with his and walking back over to Leia.

"And we can play dolls, and watch movies, and drink cocoa. Momma doesn't like it when there's not enough chocolate." She giggled, "But I just like drinkin' it with her. Popp- Tony likes cocoa too. I think you and Tony would be best friends.."

I sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, "Are you having fun?" I asked.

She blushed, "Yeah. I like talking to daddy. But I told him about the cocoa, and the bad words you say when you get hurt." She said, looking down like she was ashamed.

I laughed, kissing her cheeks, "It's okay, Lee. You gotta tell him everything so he doesn't miss anything."

She giggled, "Can I tell him about Luke?"

I rolled my eyes, "You guys are impossible!"

She put an arm over my shoulder, moving my arm around her waist, "Momma's gonna have another baby, and me and poppa Tone think it's gonna be a Luke, but momma thinks it's gonna be a Juliette."

"After my mom." I whispered at the grave.

Leia rolled her eyes, "It's Luke, momma. Like Leia and Luke on Star Wars."

I shook my head, "He's corrupted you."

She started tracing Mike's name again, "How come daddy had to go to where the old people go?" She asked.

I ruffled her hair, pulling her closer to me, "I don't know, sweety."