I Won't Let Go

December 20th 2012

The morning air was brutal as it blew against my cheeks, burying my face deeper into my checked scarf I continued toward Alice’s. The London streets hummed with the sound of idling cars as they waited in the early morning rush hour to get to work. People were hurrying passed me as they talked into their phones busily, making appointments, taking coffee orders or just talking to a loved one. My tattered converses tapped on the icy pavement as my iPod as I walked slowly toward the café where I worked.

Last night’s advents were still fresh in my mind, my body was exhausted from all the crying I had done, my eyes hurt and my body ached. I was getting better, I was slowly moving on. I was helping Rita get ready for the arrival of her baby and starting to go out a little more.

That’s all changed now that he waltzed into my apartment uninvited. All I want to do now is cacoon myself in my blankets, and feel sorry for myself. I lifted my eyes when I heard laughter, my stomach dropped and I quickly let my hair fall in front of my face as I hurried toward work.

“Avery?” I continued on like I hadn’t heard her, “Avery.” I was pulled to a stop when she gently grabbed my arm, turning slightly I met a pair of dark eyes and a mane of auburn coloured curls.

“Hi Dani,” I greeted in a small voice forcing a smile across my face. “Sorry I didn’t hear you… was off in my own little world,” I lied. My heart rate quickened when the dancer was joined by two other girls: Perrie and Eleanor. “Hi girls,” my voice was quiet to hide my nervousness.

“Hey A,” they greeted in unison huge smiles spread across their faces. These three girls were beautiful there was no denying they suited the boys so well, especially El, she was a sweet girl and loved Louis, she was everything management wanted, pretty, skinny, good job, university student. I ticked the list off when I heard deep Bradford voice.

“Avery?” he asked slight surprise in his tone. Looking up I met his amber eyes and went to speak before he scooped me up into a tight hug. “Oh God is it good to see you,” he chuckled in my ear as he lifted me off the ground with ease.

“You to Zayn.” I smiled as he placed me back on the sidewalk and pulled away.

“How have you been?” he asked looking deeply into my eyes.

“Good,” I wasn’t exactly lying when I told him that.

“A…” I heard three voices chorus before they ran toward me and I was enveloped into a group hug. I missed these boys so much, they were the only one’s who knew how to give the best hugs. They were four of the five teenagers that could make me smile like an idiot over the smallest things.

I heard a tinkling laughter, “Lou…” I was suddenly brought back to reality, I was standing with these boys, it was only a matter of time before he showed up. Niall, Liam and Harry pulled away from me and I came face to face with him. “Look who we found,” El giggled. I noticed the way Louis stiffened slightly and his eyes widened slightly in shock.

“Hey Louis,” I greeted plastering a smile across my face even though it felt like I was being stabbed in the stomach repeatedly.

“Avery… hi,” he stuttered.

“Avery, you have to come to dinner with us tonight,” Zayn blurted suddenly I flicked my gaze over to him a smile was spread across his face and his arm was slung over Perrie’s shoulder.

“Yeah Niall,” agreed happily.

“I’ll see…” I began.

“What!” Harry exclaimed.

“It’s just for the past few week I’ve been helping Rita get ready for the baby.”

“Wait! Rita’s pregnant?” Louis gushed suddenly.
I nodded my head, “Yeah she’s due around Christmas. So I’ve just been staying with her.”

“What happened to the Dad?”

“Up and left when he found out.”

“That’s terrible,” Perrie gasped.

I shrugged my shoulders, “guy was a dick anyway.” I paused for a moment, “Anyway I have to go. Don’t wanna be late.” With that I turned and began to walk away.

“What about tonight?” Zayn called.

“I’ll let you know.” I turned calling back before continuing down the street and into the café. I hurried out the back and removed my coat and scarf taking a deep breath.

“Hey, are you alright?” turning I saw Amber, Rita’s replacement standing in the door way a worried look on her face. Amber has only been here for a few months, she was Alice’s granddaughter, and the two of us had already formed a friendship. She was a sweet girl all smiles and laughter.

“I’m okay,” I lied plastering a smile across my face and walking up to her as I tied my apron around my waist ready to get to work.



Five o’clock couldn’t have come any quicker, I was so happy to finish my shift. Tonight I was staying at Rita’s and I was excited, I loved spending time with her and her being pregnant was a bonus, I always got to feel it kick and move. However the downside was her weird cravings, which meant I had to get up at ridiculous times and go down to the shop just to get her a jar of pickles and chocolate. I quickly said goodbye to everyone before starting my hike to Rita’s apartment.



“Rita!” I called as I pushed the door open taking the key out of the lock and walking in.

“In here!” she called from the kitchen. Smiling I walked into the kitchen to find her stirring something in a large pot. Her ballooned stomach inches away from the knobs, I smiled and walked up to her and looked into the pot.

“What are you cooking?”

“I’m just melting chocolate?”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted fruit dipped in chocolate.”

“You wanted it, or because I am coming over?”

“No, because I wanted it,” I could tell she was lying by the way the corner of her lip quirked up. I sighed and shook my head at her.

“Liar, now move it, you go sit down and I will finish this.”

“I am capable of making melted chocolate, just because I am the size of a house doesn’t mean I can’t do anything,” she shot teasingly, “now go sit your arse down, you’ve been at work all day.”

“We so sound like a married couple.” I laughed, Rita giggled as she pulled the pot away from the stove onto a chopping board to keep it off the granite tops. Bending down a little she grabbed a glass bowl out of the cupboard beneath her and tipped the chocolate in it.

“If you wanna help, there’s fruit in the fridge on a tray get that out and we can start eating,” I giggled and walked over taking the plate out and placing it on the bench removing the cling wrap and picking up a strawberry.

We ate in silence for a few moments before Rita pipped up after swallowing a piece of chocolate-coated apple. “So, how was your morning?”

I groaned my lip curling in disgust, “shit.”

“Why what happened?” she asked as she grabbed another piece of fruit. I took a deep breath and looked up at her, she raised one of her brows quizzically as she dipped the piece of fruit in the warm liquid.

“Louis happened.”

“What’d he do?” she asked firmly becoming suddenly very motherly.

“Found him in my apartment last night.”

“What!’ she exclaimed as the piece of fruit dropped into the pot. “What was he doing in your apartment?”

“Professing his love for me.”

“Son of a Bitch!” she hissed, “Does he not realise how hard this is on not just him but you? Does he realise that what he is doing is cruel?” I shrugged my shoulders and flopped my head forward.

“I still love him Rita…” I looked up at her tears filling my eyes, her face softened and she walked around the island to stand beside me. “I love him so much, I know he loves me he freaking told me last night, but I don’t want to go through what happened with management again…” I choked at the memory and tears spilled from my eyes. “Eleanor loves him so much too. The two of them are perfect for each other in so many ways and maybe if we had broken up properly, not him being ripped away from me, I might be happy for the two…” I paused as a sob racked my body, “I had started to move on Rita, I honestly had started to let him go and I was starting to feel like myself again, I was smiling like I used to and then he just had to bring me crashing down again…” I went to continue but Rita had pulled me into a tight hug. My arms wound around her tightly and I buried my face into her shoulder as I let my cried come out.

“Come on, you, me and Mr Gosling have a date tonight.”

“Don’t forget Andy,” I gasped trying to smile.

“How can I forget him, the Amazing Spiderman and all.”
The two of us giggled before she grabbed my hand and led me into the lounge room where she flicked on the TV and grabbed our pile of emergency DVDs putting Spiderman in before hobbling back over and lowering herself onto the couch.

My phone dinged in my pocket and I quickly pulled it out. It was Zayn.

You coming tonight?

Quickly I hit reply.

No, sorry Rita needs me.

Okay it was a lie but I didn’t want to go out at the moment, I just wanted to watch pathetic romances and drool over two of the hottest male actors.

My phone dinged once more and my stomach dropped when I opened the message.

We’re coming to see you.

“No! No! No!” I exclaimed as I went to hit reply.

“What’s wrong?” Rita asked shocked at my outburst.

“Zayn, the guys there coming over…” I didn’t have a chance to do anything before the doorbell dinged. I screamed and jumped off the couch. “I-I-I don’t want to see them, I cant, I just…” I stumbled my breathing fast. Rita pulled herself up and grabbed me tightly.

“Breathe, everything will be fine… I can tell them to leave this is my apartment.” I took a deep breath and calmed myself down a little. “Good girl, now do you want to see them?” I shrugged my shoulders unable to say anything my mouth opening and closing like a fish. “How ‘bout this they can come in until it starts to get awkward?” she was whispering calmly.

I nodded my head slowly and she smiled before turning and waddling to her door, I collapsed on the couch and listened.

“Hey Rita,” it was Zayn.

“Hey boys, come in.”

Taking a deep breath I readied myself for this.

“Hi A,” I looked up and saw Zayn he was dressed nicely, jeans and a jacket, his black hair shaggy around his face and slight facial hair. He looked good.

“Hi Zayn,” I smiled getting off the couch and pulling him into a tight hug.

“They bought chocolate thank god, I melted all mine,” Rita huffed as she walked into the room and lowered down onto the couch again.

“That was you’re doing,” I pointed out pulling away from Zayn,

“You didn’t have to.”

“I was being a good host thank you,” she shot back. I giggled and sat down next to her cuddling up next to her, my eyes flicking to the side and I met his, quickly I diverted them and looked at the movie that was at the main menu.

“MY FAVOUORITE MOVIE!” Harry yelled like a three year old before jumping down and taking a seat next to both Rita and my feet. Rita and I shared a look before laughing and hitting play while everyone got comfortable.
Maybe tonight wouldn’t be too bad.