Finally I'm Free

“Alexa, Kitten wakey wakey.”

I crack open my eyes to see Brian sitting on our coffee table with a smirk on his face.

“What do you want?” I groaned out before burying my face into Lilly’s soft hair.

“We are two hours late, we have to leave.”

“Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because I called Matt and said that the twins needed a nap.” Brian smirked again felling proud of himself. I shake my head and lean up to kiss him. Bri runs a hand threw my probably messy and knotty blue hair before breaking apart our kiss.

“How messy is my hair?”

“Not messy at all. Really to me it looks perfect.” Brian smiles at me before taking a still sleeping Lilly from my arms. He cradles her small body in his arms before placing a kiss on her forehead.

“You really make a great dad.” Brian looks at me in the eye and I could see all of the love he had for me and our children.

I stand up and walk towards the hallway mirror. Yes we have a freaking mirror in the hall; Brian wanted it to make sure he always looked good.

I saw that he was right my hair wasn’t messy or sticking up in places. It was straight with a slight wave. Brian hands me the beanie that fell off of my head while I was asleep. I fixed everything before heading upstairs.

“Where are you going?” I turn on one of the steps to look down at Brian who was pulling a coat onto our sleeping daughter.

“To do my make-up.”

“Why you look great without it?” I smile down at him and he raises an eyebrow at me, daring me to say something bad about myself.

“If you say so, Bri but if I look like a zombie im blaming you.” I walk down the stairs and looked for Jimmy. I finally saw him sleeping in Brian’s arm chair in the living room. I walk over and picked him up.

“You don’t look like a zombie, you like a fucking hot ass mom.” I shake my head at him.

“So im a MILF?” Brian put Lilly down on the couch before walking over me, where I was trying to place a coat onto Jimmy. I felt Brian’s arms wrap themselves around me.

“You are a MILF, since you’re a mom and I fuck you.” I felt him place a kiss on my neck before helping me with Jimmy.

He takes our son from me and walks out to the BMW. I grab Lilly from the couch and walk outside, that’s when I noticed that Brian took off my boots. I hand him Lilly before running back into the living room to pull my boots back on before grabbing the two pair of sunglasses for me and Bri.

I climb into the passenger seat while Bri packs his guitar case, the diaper bag and a bag full of their toys into the trunk. I look for my bag to get out the snacks I packed for them but I couldn’t find my bag. Brian opens his door and hands me my bag. I lean over and peck his cheek before making sure I have everything we all need. I nod my head at Brian and he starts the car. I plug in Brian’s IPhone and put on Guns N’ Roses’ Sweet Child of Mine.

I felt Brian take my hand in his and lace our fingers together. He brings our hands up and kisses my knuckles. I smile at him and watch his profile as he drives.

Brian really didn’t change at all in the past 3 years. His hair is still his dark brown locks. No gray hair in sight. He cut them shorter but not so short. The come to about the bottom of his ears now. He still has his nose pierced and had the hoop in today. He was actually thinking about getting his eyebrow done but doesn’t know for sure. He was also talking about another tattoo. I rolled my eyes remembering that talk.

We were laying in bed cuddling with each other. Brian was running his fingers up and down my back underneath his shirt that I robbed from him for the night. I was drawing circles on his chest and giggled every time he tensed.

“I was thinking about getting another tattoo.” I look up at him confused.

“Bri you have a tattoo on every part on your body.”

“I want to take the HANER tattoo off.”

“Why everyone likes it?” I knew that he hated it. He says that it was immature and the design was sloppy.

“You know I hate and so do you.” I smile up at him and kiss him on the lips.

“If it’s on your body I like it but if you don’t want, then get it removed.” I shrugged, if that’s what he really wants then I would be right next to him holding his hand, like he does for me.

The next day he got it removed but it’s been almost a year since it was gone and he got nothing new. I knew he wanted it to be special but he won’t even tell me what it is he wants. He said he is working with Kat Von D on it. I let it go telling myself that he wants it to be a surprise and I will let him have his fun.

But thinking of Kat Von D.

“Bri, I want a new tattoo.” I already had 4 tattoos.

My first one from when Johnny took me.

My second was my dad’s deathbat; I got it about 4 years ago. It is on the inside on my right wrist.

My third was a purple rose with the word Love underneath it on my left leg. I told everyone but Daddy, that I got it for because I love purple roses. The real reason that only Daddy knows is that roses are my favorite flower, purple is Brian’s favorite color and I put love under it to always remember our love. I got it when we got into a huge fight and I thought that we weren’t going to get over it.

My fourth was three blue little butterflies and stars on my right foot. The three butterflies were for my three Grandmothers that had passed away. Two of them were from my adopted family and the last one was Momma’s mom that dies from cancer 2 years ago. I got that as a memory tattoo since they are all free and butterflies show new life from the old. For Christians it’s a statement, 'born again' we become a 'new creation.'

“What do you want this time?” Bri looks at me quickly before looking back at the road.

“Something for the twins.” I turn in my seat to look back at my still sleeping children.

“Like what, Kitten?”

“I don’t know.” I pout and look at Brian, who laughs and kisses my hand again.

“One day when we can get a babysitter we will drive up to LA and talk to Kat, okay?” I nodded my head and sat back listening to Ville Valos voice flow from the speakers.

Ville’s music isn’t the kind that Bri usually listen to but I got him into it a little bit. I mean me and Brian have been together for almost 5 years already, we are gonna have the similar likes after a while.

I opened my eyes again once I felt Bri pull the car into a spot in front of the studio. I saw that only Jimmy is up and is quietly waiting for someone to let him out. I smile back at him and he puts his arms out for me. I get out of the car and stop Bri from getting Jimmy out. He looks confused but that quickly changes when Jimmy calls out for me. I bend down and unbuckle Jimmy. He slides off of the car seat before standing on the floor, he lifts his arms up in the air signaling to me what he wants. I lift him out carefully so he doesn’t hit his head on the car. I place him on my hip and giggle as he cuddles up to me. I take my bag and the diaper bag from Bri and walk into the building. I hear him follow me with Lilly in his arms and the toys bag on his shoulder with his guitar case in his other hand. Lilly was sleeping peacefully in her father’s arms.

“Hey there’s my missing child!” I smile up at Daddy who jumps up from his seat on the floor to hug me and Jimmy.

“Grandpa!” Jimmy launches his little body into my father’s arms. I watch as Daddy lifts his grandson in the air before catching him. I smile at Jimmy’s sweet laugher before my father ran off with him.

I sit next to Johnny and kiss his cheek as a hello.

“How are you today, Miss Mommy?”

“Im good, no problems yet.” I smile at the small bassist that I almost got with. I actually wouldn’t mind being with Johnny. He was the sweet, romantic man that Brian was talking about last night. But that’s not what I want. I want my rough, crazy, loud, sometimes sweet Brian.

“Oh you just jinxed yourself.” I smiled softly at Rose before going back talking to Johnny. It’s not that I don’t like Rose, I love her. She is one of my best friends but Momma was right, she complains too much about her pregnancy. I know sometimes you would get some pain filled days during the pregnancy but the way she is going, it’s like an everyday thing for her.

“Mommy?”

I looked down to see my little princess rubbing her eyes before sticking her arms out. I placed my sleepy daughter on my lap and place a sweet kiss on her forehead. She smiled sleepily up at Johnny before cuddling up in my arms and watched as Matt sang. Brian thought that it’s cute that she has a crush on Matt but im worried a little because once Matt’s daughter is born, she might feel like she was replaced in Matt’s heart. Hell she might think she was replaced in everyone’s heart.

Lilly was always the apple of every guy in the bands eyes but now that we know that Rose is having a girl, Lilly has been kinda distant from the guys besides Daddy and Brian. I could always see the sadness in her eyes every time someone mentions Rose’s baby. Lilly doesn’t like being the center of attention; she’s just used to being it. Matt always brought her little presents whenever he came but he was been giving her less and less, sometimes he would come over a whole week without bringing her something. I would watch her with tears in my eyes every time she runs out of the room when Matt just walks past her. Matt has always been like a second dad to her and now he is kinda ignoring her. I don’t blame Matt at all but you just can’t promise a 3 year old something and you never bring it. She tries to get his attention but it never last too long, it always ends up on Rose and the baby so she runs away from him.

I don’t know why she is distancing herself from Zacky or Johnny but she is. Maybe she thinks they are gonna do what Matt is doing to her now, I don’t know but it’s really confusing and hurting them. Johnny would always play Barbie or tea party with her while Zacky would watch all of her princess movies but know she only does that with her father and grandfather. The only two guys she knows would show her love no matter what.

I kiss my daughter on her head as she turns her head away from the sound booth when Matt looks towards her. She gets off of my lap and walks towards her father, who was in the middle of a solo. She pulls on his pants leg and looks up at him with tears in her brown eyes. Brian tells Fred that he needs a break. Fred looks down at my daughter before he nods his head.

Fred has been working with the guys since their cd Waking the Fallen. Fred is a good man. He knows all about what’s going on with Lilly and the guys since Zacky and Johnny would complain that their niece is ignoring them because of Matt. Fred is the only man because the 3 she is related to she is nice too and would play with. She knows that Fred already has a family of his own, so she is not worried about him leaving her. she can see that isn’t going to ignore her all the time when one of his kids is here or even his wife. Fred tries his hardest to make Lilly happy but also trust the Zacky and Johnny won’t leave her. she listens to Fred and would sit with one of them but that’s it.

Matt really fucked with my daughters head and I can see Brian is gonna snap soon.

Matt comes out of the sound booth and walks past Lilly. She looks up at him practically begging him without words to look at her but he doesn’t. she looks down at her hands and let the tears finally run down her cheeks. Brian tries to get her attention on him but she pushes herself off of his lap and runs out of the room. I pushed Johnny to follow her because I saw that this is Brian’s breaking point. I quickly tell Fred to get Daddy and Zacky before grabbing Brian.

“Bri don’t do this, it’s just gonna hurt her even more.” Brian shakes his head and gently pushes my hands away from him. He walks over to Matt and pushes him away from Rose, who screams for no reason. I roll my eyes at her dramatics and grab Brian’s arm.

“What the fuck man?” Matt yells after he catches himself.

“What the fuck with me? What the fuck with you? You’re the one with the fucking problem.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Brian? I have no fucking problem.”

“So you just break apart a 3 year olds heart all the time?” Brian gets in the face of Matt who pushes him away.

“What are you talking about?” Matt really looked confused and it was pissing Brian off even more

“Matt, you really fucked with Lilly’s head. she doesn’t trust any man beside me, Brian and Fred. She can’t even look at Zacky or Johnny without a scared look in her eyes. You ignore her and push her aside when you promised her you would always be by her side. I understand your gonna be a father but your also an uncle. Lilly can’t even look at you without crying. if you can’t be an uncle for her, then I want you to stay the fuck away from my granddaughter.” Daddy walks out with Jimmy in his arms. Zacky comes over and helps me pulls Brian out of the building.

“Zacky go get our stuff please, we need to leave.” Zacky nods before him and Fred get our stuff. I wrap my arms around Brian and hold him close to me. I sigh happily when I felt his arms crush me to him. I felt his chin on the top of my head and his breath blow on my hair. Daddy, Johnny and the twins are nowhere to be found but im not all that worried. I trust my kids with them.

Zacky comes out with the three bags and Brian case. I help him put everything away while Brian chain smokes his Marlboros. I knew all of this shit is stressing him out. He has to choose between his daughter and his best friend. Matt has been his friend since they were 18. They have been through a lot together but this one really takes the cake. Brian doesn’t feel comfortable being near Matt when he is unintentionally hurting his baby girl. Brian was talking about leaving the band for a little bit with Daddy and Dad agrees and was going to do it with Brian. I can’t let Avenged Sevenfold break up. I can’t let 5 brothers break apart because of this.

I walked back into the studio and pushed Zacky aside when he tried to stop me. I walk up to Matt and stop in front of him with my arms crossed. Matt looks up at me from his seat on the floor with tears in his eyes.

“I didn’t know I was doing that, Alexa. You have to believe me. I would never hurt that little girl. I love her too much.”

“Don’t tell me that, Matt. You have to tell that to my heartbroken baby girl. Oh and talk to Brian and Dad.”

“Why would he need to talk to those assholes?”

I turn sharply and glared down at Rose. She whimpers and cowers away from me.

“Those two assholes want to leave the band.”

“What?” Zacky, Matt and Fred look at me shocked.

“Yea they don’t want to be in a band with someone who is making someone in their family uncomfortable. Matt, I really understand that you are busy and happy with your baby coming soon but you really were an uncle first. She looked towards you when Brian wasn’t near her. when she was scared she always called out for you and Brian. Not just her father but you, her uncle. Her favorite uncle. You helped her up every time she fell. You always stood by her side when she was scared. But now when she looks for you, you’re not by her side. When she calls out when she’s scared only Brian comes running. When she falls, Brian is the only one who picks her up. She loves her father but she loves you as well. Yes she needs Brian but Matt when Brian isn’t here who can she look towards when it’s always you and your not there. Matt, you’re her second father. she needs you just as much as she needs Brian. I want you to remember that and think very carefully on what you’re going to say to the three of them.”

I bend down and kiss Matt’s cheek before walking out to my upset family.

Lilly is in Brian’s arms, not crying anymore but you can see that she was. Brian is looking down at Lilly with a sad look on his face. Jimmy is looking up at his dad and sister trying to figure out what happened. Daddy is leaning against Brian’s car with his arms crossed and a scowl on his usually happy face. Johnny is leaning on the wall of the studio looking down clearly upset, probably because of Lilly not wanting him. Zacky follows me out and looks at Lilly with a lost expression.

Zacky always thought of Lilly as not only as his niece but his daughter as well. Zacky was the one who stepped up when Matt stepped down. Zacky stayed at our house for 3 weeks when Lilly would wake up in the middle of the night screaming out for Matt. I watched as Zacky became her new best friend but every time Megan is with him, Lilly would go back into her shell scared that Megan would take Zacky away. Lilly doesn’t fully trust Zacky but its pretty close. When Matt started ignoring her more and more, the more she pushed Zacky away.

I walked over to the car and picked Jimmy up.

“Ready to go, babe?” Brian nodded and placed Lilly in her car seat. She cried out and called out for Brian not to leave her. he sighs deeply and crawls into the backseat in the middle of the two seats. Lilly crawls out of her seat and into Bri’s lap. She grips his shirt tightly in between her little fist refusing to let her father go.

Zacky takes out her car seat and puts it in his car so Brian is squished. I place Jimmy in his seat and buckle him in. I place a kiss on my sons’ forehead and get in the driver’s seat while Daddy gets in the passenger seat.

I drive to the house with Zacky and Johnny following in their cars.

I don’t know how my family has gotten this torn apart but it did.

I pull into the driveway and watch as Brian carried Lilly into the house. I unbuckle Jimmy and watch as he grabbed his grandfather’s hand. Zacky and Johnny help me with everything before following everyone. I sit on the porch and take out my cell. I dial her number and wait for her to answer.

“Hello?”

“Momma something is really wrong.”

And that was when I finally broke. The tears that I tried keeping in finally broke free.

“Im on my way, sweetie.”

20 minutes later Momma’s car pulls up. She runs out of the car and up to me. I explain to her what happened and she holds me to her.

“No Baby, the band isn’t going to break up. Your father and Brian love it too much.”

“But momma they were saying that its family or music. Family as in just blood, no outsiders.”

Momma doesn’t say anything, she just hugged me tighter.

She knew, she knew that this can be the end of Avenged Sevenfold and there was nothing we can do about it. Right now the ball is in Matt’s court and it’s his decision if he wants to be the bigger man or not.