Finally I'm Free

*Brian’s pov*

I look down at my daughter’s tear-stained face and sigh.

How did it come to this? I wasn’t supposed to deal with one of her heart breaks when she’s 3. I never wanted this to happen. Why did I believe that Matt would always be there? He gets distracted sometimes and forgets important things.

I broke free from my thoughts when I felt a small hand land on my shoulder. I look back to see the love of my life with tears falling from her beautiful eyes. I bring her closer to me and hug her close. I look over her head to our sleeping daughter.

“Everything is going to be okay, right Bri?” I look into her brownish blue eyes and sigh heavily. I don’t like lying to her but I nod my head anyway. Nothing is going to be okay. Everything is going to be different from now on.



*Matt’s pov*

I sit in my living room alone. I finally told Rose to go to bed.

I love Rose with my whole heart but since she got pregnant, she got clingy. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to wallow in self-pity.

How did I not see the pain in her eyes? How could I just ignore Lilly, my god-daughter, my niece? That little girl always brightened my day but I just kept hurting her. When did I become that heartless that I would just ignore a sweet innocent baby girl?

Im probably going to lose my two best friends, all because im an idiot. That all there is to it, im a fucking idiot.

The band right now is on the back burner.

Jimmy and Brian aren’t talking to me.

Zacky is ignoring my texts and calls.

Johnny would only look at me in pity and disgust.

Leana called and curse me out. Oh and she wants me nowhere near Lilly or James anymore.

Jacoby called and told me to watch my back because Deni wants my head.

The Berries told me both of their girls want to kick my ass, mostly Theresa. This doesn’t really surprise me, since she has been like a mother to Alexa too.

Megan called me to give me some advice on what to say to both Jimmy and Brian.

Rose was calling Jordan trying to get her on “our side”.

But that’s the thing I don’t want there to be sides. I want shit to go back to normal.



*Jimmy’s pov*

“Grandpa watch me!” I smile as I watch my grandson bang on my drums. I swear him, his mother and his sister are the only 3 besides me who would ever touch my drums, not even Leana is allowed and I love her.

“Im watching Jim-Jam.” Yea I had to give that kid one of my nicknames. He really does remind me of myself, I love it.

That’s what I always wanted to do with Alexa. I wanted to sit here and watch as my baby girl try and out drum her daddy. I wanted to call her every cute pet name I could think of. I wanted to hold her in my arms and watch over her as she slept.

But I couldn’t do that because of that bitch, Sammi. Why did I ever fuck her, I would never know. But I did and I have a beautiful daughter to show for it.

I was 13 when I got Sammi pregnant. They guys said I had like magic sperm or something. I watched over her, making sure my child was okay. Yea I was 13 but I wanted that baby to call me daddy and love me, like I already loved them. When she gave birth and I held Alexa in my arms for the first time, I felt like I was invincible. Like nothing could hurt me.

I went out the next day and bought her that huge stuffed duck. I thought it would be cute watching her carry something bigger then her around. When I got to the hospital Sammi and Alexa were gone. I was pissed; she took my daughter from me. The only girl I would ever truly love.

Even back then I was a player. I fucked girls, I dated them, I got sucked off by them and then threw their asses aside like yesterday’s trash.

Alexa would’ve been the only girl I would’ve said I love you to and mean it. I would’ve done everything and anything for my daughter. She was my life and she was taken from me.

I went home that day and I told Brian and Matt everything. We searched everywhere. I always took that duck with me whenever we went on tour. Zacky and Johnny thought I just had a sick thing for ducks but Matt and Bri knew the truth.

When Sammi came back home, she told me where I could find my daughter. I took Matt with me to New York and we found my 5 year old daughter.

She had my natural blonde hair and brownish blue eyes. I held my daughter in my arms and told her that no bad would ever come to her.

I watched as Matt looked down at the 5 year old with love and adoration in his eyes. On the way home a week later, he told me that he would always protect her. That he loved her like she was his own.

He said the same thing when he first held Lilly in his arms.

And he was the one to hurt her; he was the one who made tears come to her eyes.

He was the one who hurt my granddaughter.

I will never trust him again with her, EVER.

“Grandpa I don’t think im doing it right.” I smiled at Jimmy before walking over and placing him in my lap. I showed him where he had to hit and laughed when he cheered.

“Jimmy dinner.” I heard Leana’s sweet voice call down to us. I picked my grandson up and carried him up stairs.

I saw that Johnny, Zacky and Jordan were already at the table. I placed Jimmy in his seat before sitting next to him. I smiled at my daughter when she and Brian walked down.

“Where’s Lilly?” Leana looked up for a second before going back dishing out dinner.

“She’s sleeping.” Brian’s voice was rough and kinda like a growl. I knew my best friend was still pissed at Matt. Bri caught my eye and he nodded towards the door.

“We will be right back.” I kissed Leana on the cheek before following Bri outside. I took the offered cigarette and took the lighter from Brian’s fingers.

“What are we going to do, Jim? My 3 year old daughter already has a broken heart. How the fuck did that happen?!” I watched as Brian paced and pulled at his hair. “I mean she was supposed to go through this stage when she is in her teens not when she is still a baby. It’s not fucking right.”

“Your right, it’s not right for a 3 year old to go through this but she is and we have to be right next to her. We have to be the men that she can go to when this happens, Bri. She is going to run to us but we have to help her. We can’t just go kick the guys’ ass. Remember Matt is one of our best friends, it’s hard on all of us right now.”

“If he was my best fucking friend then how can he fucking break my daughter’s heart like that?” I feel really bad right now for Brian. It really is hard watching your child go through any kind of pain.

“He didn’t know he was doing it Bri. Brian you know what it is like hearing that you’re going to be a dad for the first time. You were all excited weren’t you?”

“No I wasn’t because the woman I got pregnant was in a fucking coma, Jimmy!”

“Yes but after that, after all the shit with the hospital, when she came home. Alexa was probably all happy with a smile on her face and you’re telling me that you didn’t forget some important stuff because you wanted to make sure she was happy at all times?”

“No I did forget shit.” Brian’s face turned into a frown and I think it finally got threw his head that it wasn’t really Matt’s fault. I mean im still mad at him but you can’t really blame him that much. It’s his first time being a dad. I was like that and Brian too.

Getting Brian to understand was the easy part. The hard part is getting Lilly to understand.



*Matt’s pov*

I pulled onto Brian’s street and saw that he and Jimmy are outside smoking. I pull to a stop behind Johnny’s car and slowly get out.

They were looking at my car in wonder and when they saw it was me, Brian came at me. He swung at my face so hard I thought my nose broke. It didn’t but I did feel my jaw crack a little.

I look up at Brian when I didn’t feel him hit me a second time.

“I understand what happened.”

“So why the fuck did you hit him?!” Jimmy waved his arms in the arm while muttered that Bri is bipolar.

Brian look down at me with cold eyes.

“I may understand what happened but you did hurt my daughter.” I nodded seeing why Brian hit me.

I now remember why we always left Brian alone and let him do what he wanted. That man can still fucking punch. I thought that him being a father would soften him but I was wrong. If anything Alexa giving birth made Brian stronger. He was always the strong one out of all of us, though. Brian maybe smaller then me but he is stronger than me, mentally and emotionally. I always wore my feeling on my sleeve while Brian always had this shield, this façade. People saw me as the leader but really its Brian. Brian is the one who leads us because he is the one who is strong enough to be the leader. I may not show it but I really do look up and respect Brian, not only as a man but as a father.

“Im sorry I want to make things right between us. You guys are my best friends; I would never want to hurt you. I especially would never hurt Lilly purposely.”

Brian nods before helping me up off the ground. I dust myself off before looking at Brian.

“She’s asleep, all that crying tuckered her out.” I nodded looking down at my feet. I knew Brian wanted to make me feel guilty and I do.

“Bri come in and eat!” we looked up and towards the house. I smile a little when I see Alexa standing there with her hands on her hips. She glares at the three of us before pointing into the kitchen. The three of us walk into the house with our heads down. Brian leans over to me and looks over at his fiancé.

“Don’t you dare think im soft because of this; I can and will kick your ass if you dare mention this to anyone.” I nod my head quickly and mutter a quiet ‘never’ before sitting down at the table and dug into the food that Alexa placed in front of me.

I looked up to see Zacky looking at Brian confused.

“He understands what he did, I forgave him. Now eat your food Zacky.” Brian’s tone was so cold that not even Alexa spoke back to him.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Leana glaring at me over her glass of soda.

“Momma stop please, it’s done and it’s over with. You heard Brian.” I looked at Alexa who was looking at Leana. Leana sighed but nodded at Alexa’s words. I watched at Alexa walked over and sat in Brian’s lap. She leaned over and lightly slapped Jimmy’s small hand when he started to play with his food. “We don’t play with our food James.” Her voice was soft when she talked to her son. Jimmy nodded at his mother before going back to eat.

I smiled softly, hoping that could be me and Rose when we have our daughter.



*Alexa’s pov*

I curled up in a ball on Brian’s lap while he eats. I play with his chain as he softly runs a hand up and down my back. I feel him play with my hair before going back to rubbing my back.

“Mommy I done.”

I looked at my messy sons and smile before giggling a little. I take his dirty dishes and place them in the sick before walking back to Jimmy. I pick him up and place him on my hip. I cringe a little when I felt his food ridden hands touch my hair and skin. Brian smirked when he saw my cringe and I kicked him in his leg. Brian doesn’t jump in pain or anything, he just smirks bigger.

I carry my son up the stairs and into his bathroom. I place in on the floor and tell him not to move. I lean over the side of the tub and start his bath. After the water is at a good height, I pour in some of Jimmy’s favorite blue bubble bath. I strip my son of his dirty clothes before placing him in the blue bubbles. I hand him his bath toys before washing his hair and body. I let him sit in the tub and play while I put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

“Mommy?”

I look over to the doorway and saw Lilly standing there in her clothes from earlier, rubbing her eyes.

“Sissy!” Jimmy splashes the water and giggles when it lands everywhere. I clean up the blue water on the floor while my daughter walks over to her brother.

“Baby you want a bath too?” She nods and lifts her arms up. I take off her clothes before placing her in next to her brother. I wash her brown hair and body before letting them play. I smile as I listen to my daughters squeals of delight. I place her dirty clothes in the hamper too. I sit on the edge of the tub and watch my babies play together.

“Jammy, I want the shark now.” I watch as Jimmy gave his sister the shark before grabbing the octopus and splashes it into the water.

“Ok babies bath time is over.” I said almost 30 minutes later. I wrap Jimmy up in a dino towel before wrapping Lilly up in his duck towel. They walk back into Jimmy’s room and sit on the bed.

“I wanna sleep with Jammy night, Mommy.” I nod and carry her to her room after giving Jimmy his pajamas.

I let Lilly pick out her pjs before helping her in them. I watched as she grabbed her baby blanket and Pooh from her bed before walking across the hall to Jimmy’s room.

Jimmy was already in bed and under the covers. His hand was holding his baby blanket while he has his head on his Skelton Jack pillow. I helped Lilly into her brother’s bed before kissing them both goodnights. I shut off the lights and click on the deathbat. I lean on the doorjamb and watched as Jimmy grabbed his sister’s hand and whispered that he loved her. I wipe away my tears when she whispers back that she loved him too.

I close the door some before walking into my room. I jump into a quick shower before walking out. Brian isn’t here so im guessing he was still downstairs with everyone. I get changed into my pjs before walking downstairs.

I heard laughter and talking coming from outside. I smile when I see all of the guys with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

“I thought you quit, Matt?” Matt looks up at me before giving me a boyish smile.

“Nope but Rose thinks I did.” I laugh before kissing his cheek.

“Well boys im glad everything is okay now but I want all of you outta here.”

The guys laugh before standing up.

“Me and your mother are staying here, same with Johnny and Jordan, seeing as the two women are asleep.” I smile and kiss Daddy on the cheek. Johnny kisses mine before following Daddy upstairs.

Matt leaves with a good bye and a smile. I close the door behind him and watch as Brian and Zacky clean up.

“Are you staying over Zack?” Zacky nods before kissing my cheek and patting Brian on the back. He goes upstairs and into the guest room we gave him and Megan.

I walk over to Brian and hug him from behind.

“Is Lilly still asleep?”

“Yea but she woke up when I was giving Jimmy a bath and wanted to sleep in the same bed as him.”

“Which room?”

“Jimmy’s.” Brian nods before kissing me and walking upstairs.

I shut off all the lights and lock the doors. I made sure the dogs have food and water. I walk upstairs with a cup of hot chocolate I made for Brian. I walk past Jimmy’s room and saw that Brian was sitting on the edge of the bed looking down at the twins.

“Bri, come to bed.” Brian nods before kissing the twins foreheads. He walks out and takes the cup from me. He takes a huge sip and opens our door. Bri places the cup on his nightstand before walking into the bathroom. I heard the water from the sink turn on.

I lie on my side of the bed and put on the TV. I found one of the shows that Brian likes to watch and put it on. Brian comes out in just his boxers and crawls into bed next to me. He finishes his hot chocolate before turning off the lights. I cuddle up to him under the blankets and lay my head on his chest. I feel his hand run up and down my back again. I shiver when I get a chill and cuddle closer to Bri. His arm tightens around me before he kisses my head.

“I love you Brian.” I close my eyes and breathe in Brian’s scent.

“I love you too, Alexa and I always will.” That was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.



*Brian’s pov*

I felt Alexa’s soft breaths land on my chest and I sigh. I feel so down lately. Like nothing could go my way. I just want my family to be happy but they aren’t. Well right now they aren’t. I just can’t get them to be happy.

“Daddy?” I looked and saw both of my children standing in the doorway with their blankets in their hands.

“Lilly had a nightmare, daddy and couldn’t got back to bed. I said we should come and lay with you and mommy.”

I smile at my son. For a 3 year old he can be very smart.

I wave them both over but whisper to be quiet because Mommy is sleeping.

“Not anymore, what happened?” I look down at my love and explain what happened. She smiles tiredly at the twins before pulling Lilly in between us. Jimmy lies on my other side and I watch as the three of them cuddle up to me.

This is what I wanted. I wanted them to always come to me for comfort. I wanted to be their protector. I smile down at my sleeping family before letting the peaceful darkness overcome me.