Finally I'm Free

Today is the day.

The day when the guys leave for the tour.

The worst day for me right now.

Once we got the twins up and dressed Lilly latched onto her father and refuse to let him go. Jimmy has been looking at his feet the entire ride to the studio.

The rest of the guys were already there. Megan was hugging Zacky while tears ran down her face. Jordan and Johnny were quietly hugging each other. Matt and Rose was talking to them. Dad and Momma were waiting for us to get out while holding hands.

McKenna pulled up with her father and mother. Papa Gates helps me out with the twins while Suzy ran to Brian and hugged him to her.

“Suzy why do you have to do this every damn time he goes away?” Papa sighed before handing his son Lilly. Bri holds Lilly while hugging his baby sister.

I sigh and look up when Jimmy was taken from my arms.

“Go to your father.” Momma whispered to me before pushing me towards Daddy.

I walk over to my father who was looking at the floor with a thoughtful look on his face. I hug him around the waist.

“Im gonna miss you, Sweetheart.” He hugs me to him tightly.

“Im gonna miss you too. I will meet you in Jersey though.”

“I know that Silly but Im still gonna miss you.” He laughs loudly and Suzy glares a little at the happy noise during a sad moment. I and Daddy roll our eyes at her dramatics.

“We will still talk every day.” I told him while looking up at his tear filled eyes. I know he doesn’t want them to fall and the guys to make fun of him.

“Yea we will.” He voice was rough with unshed tears.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“As I love you, Sweetheart.” I smiled at our old saying. “It’s time for you to say bye to Syn.” I not my head and walk over to my love.

He was alone, leaning against the back of the tour bus smoking a cigarette. He wasn’t paying attention as I stopped in front of him so I took the cigarette from his fingers. I inhale as he pulled me closer to him. I lay my head on his chest and give him back his cigarette as I exhaled the toxic smoke.

“You are gonna call me every day right?”

“And I will text you too, Bri.” His fingers was in my hair running them softly threw the blue mess.

“I want to know everything that is happening here.”

“And you will.” A kiss lands on my temple.

“If anything happens, you will tell me right?”

“Of course.” He hugs me with both of his arms after throwing away the cigarette. His arms are tight around my waist, like he never wants to let me go. My arms are tight around his neck, holding him to me as close as possible.

“I love you, Alexa.”

“I love you too Brian.”

His lips landing onto mine. This was our last real kiss for a while. His lips were soft but urgent on mine. Telling me everything he couldn’t say with his words.

Breaking away from him, I look into the chocolate brown eyes I fell in love with. “Im gonna miss you too Brian.”

His eyes shone with unshed tears. It always breaks my heart a little seeing that hopeless look on his face.

“We are going to be together soon.” He nods and kisses me once more.

Our tears combine on our cheeks. They fall together to the ground. Shining against the black pavement. Together in a dark place, just like us right now.

We break apart when Matt calls for everyone. We walk hand in hand back to our family. We all say our last goodbyes before watching as the band climbed onto the bus. I had Lilly in my arms as she cried out for Brian to come back. Jimmy sat silently in McKenna’s arms. He had a sad, lost look but he didn’t cry. Not once did my son cry.



It was quiet in the house.

It’s weird being here without Brian. Without his loud laugher, without loud guitar riffs flowing through the house. No loud band practice. No Brian, for 3 more months.

“Lex?”

I looked up to see McKenna standing there in her pajamas. She looked at me with tears running down her cheeks.

“I miss him.” She whimpers to me before throwing herself onto the couch next to me.

I hold the fifteen year old close to my chest. Her tears land on my shirt, soaking it with salty water. I sooth the crying teen as best as I can. But how can you sooth a heartbroken girl, when you’re heartbroken yourself?

“Mommy?”

I look over the purple hair to see Lilly looking at me with her small arms holding her Daisy Duck doll. I wave her over and she sits her small body in between me and her aunt. We hold on to each other as our sobs become one.

This is going to be a tough three months.