On the Edge
Everything We Had
Jen's P.O.V.]
Nurses came in and out of where was Gerard, and every time one would come out we would all ask if he was OK, and if we could see him, but they all said 'The doctors are still working, and we will let you know when you can see him.' We all sat there anxious, and worried. I was still thinking about how I was turning Gerard's life upside down. I mean because of me the poor man is in the hospital. Also because of me he has to give up his whole life to help take care of the baby and I.
I resisted those thoughts because I knew that's what Bill wanted me to do. He wanted me to doubt my love. I wasn't giving in to his stupid ways. I loved Gerard, and I know he loves me. At least I think he does... No I know Gerard loves me. I erased any negative thoughts from my mind as the nurse called my name. I walked over to the nurse.
"Gerard wants to see you."
"Just me?"
"He asked for just you. Right this way." She said leading me down the hall. I was relieved Gerard was OK, but I was also worried. Why would Gerard want to see just me? Why not the others? There were those negative thoughts again. I had to think positive, no matter how hard it was. I walked into the room, and saw Gerard who looked so weak.
I ran over and gave him the biggest hug and kiss ever! The nurse left the room and I barley noticed. I was so happy seeing Gerard. I just couldn't’t stop hugging him. I felt him kiss my cheek and I started crying.
"Jen? Why are you crying?" He asked sitting up in bed. He started to wipe away my tears, but the more he did the more I cried.
"Jen. Come on please! What’s wrong?" He said more and more worried.
"I...I...can't...."
"You can't what? Jen talk to me what’s wrong!" He said making me look him in the eyes.
"I... can’t see you... anymore." I said breaking down even more as I looked at Gerard’s face go from worried to heart broken.
"What... What happened? I thought you were happy? We never ever had a fight or a problem? What happened?" He said holding back tears.
"Its not you Gerard. It’s me. I just feel I can't put you through this pain anymore. I mean because of me your lying here in a hospital bed."
"Yeah but I am fine-"
"Yeah your fine for now but what happens when that freak comes back?"
"Jen listen nothing that freak show does to me would be more painful then you leaving me. Please Jen don’t leave me! Don't let him win!" He said grabbing my hands pulling me in towards him.
"Gerard I truly love you. I hope you know that-"
"If you truly love me then please stay Jen! You’re the best thing I ever had in my life! You make me happier then I have ever been. Please Jen." He said looking at me with tears running down his face.
"Gerard... good bye." I said kissing his cheeks and walking away.
"YOU'RE REALLY JUST GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM ME? AFTER I JUST SPILLED MY HEART OUT TO YOU! AFTER I BEGGED YOU TO STAY! AFTER I TOLD YOU YOU’RE THE BEST THING I EVER HAD! YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE!"
"YOU THINK I WANT TO LEAVE? I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN SAFTEY DUMB ASS! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU IN PAIN! AND THIS IDIOT WILL JUST KEEP COMING BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD KILL YOU!" I said with tears pouring down my face.
"OKAY THEN LEAVE! I DON'T CARE! JUST DON'T KILL THE BABY YOU STUPID FUCK UP!" He screamed at me. I couldn't believe he had just said that to me.
"Jen. I didn't mean it! Can we please just sit and talk." He asked realizing how hurtful his words really were.
"No I am going to go. Hope I don't kill the baby on my way."
"NO! Please I didn't mean it!" I heard him say as I walked out the door.
I had tears running down my face. I was so upset. At the end of the hall I saw all of them looking at me in confusion, curiosity, and wonder. I walked right past them and outside. I saw Bill sitting at the bus stop. He saw me got up and walked towards me.
"Its about time. I knew you would come around." He said wiping my tears and kissing me. I was so mad and upset I didn't bother to push him away or scream. He pulled away from me and smiled.
"I am so glad I can do this with out all the screaming and slapping involved." He said pushing my hair behind my ears.
"Come one. I'll take you home." He said with a grin. He grabbed my waist and we started walking 'home'. Or where ever 'home' was. I was so blank and depressed it didn't matter.
Nurses came in and out of where was Gerard, and every time one would come out we would all ask if he was OK, and if we could see him, but they all said 'The doctors are still working, and we will let you know when you can see him.' We all sat there anxious, and worried. I was still thinking about how I was turning Gerard's life upside down. I mean because of me the poor man is in the hospital. Also because of me he has to give up his whole life to help take care of the baby and I.
I resisted those thoughts because I knew that's what Bill wanted me to do. He wanted me to doubt my love. I wasn't giving in to his stupid ways. I loved Gerard, and I know he loves me. At least I think he does... No I know Gerard loves me. I erased any negative thoughts from my mind as the nurse called my name. I walked over to the nurse.
"Gerard wants to see you."
"Just me?"
"He asked for just you. Right this way." She said leading me down the hall. I was relieved Gerard was OK, but I was also worried. Why would Gerard want to see just me? Why not the others? There were those negative thoughts again. I had to think positive, no matter how hard it was. I walked into the room, and saw Gerard who looked so weak.
I ran over and gave him the biggest hug and kiss ever! The nurse left the room and I barley noticed. I was so happy seeing Gerard. I just couldn't’t stop hugging him. I felt him kiss my cheek and I started crying.
"Jen? Why are you crying?" He asked sitting up in bed. He started to wipe away my tears, but the more he did the more I cried.
"Jen. Come on please! What’s wrong?" He said more and more worried.
"I...I...can't...."
"You can't what? Jen talk to me what’s wrong!" He said making me look him in the eyes.
"I... can’t see you... anymore." I said breaking down even more as I looked at Gerard’s face go from worried to heart broken.
"What... What happened? I thought you were happy? We never ever had a fight or a problem? What happened?" He said holding back tears.
"Its not you Gerard. It’s me. I just feel I can't put you through this pain anymore. I mean because of me your lying here in a hospital bed."
"Yeah but I am fine-"
"Yeah your fine for now but what happens when that freak comes back?"
"Jen listen nothing that freak show does to me would be more painful then you leaving me. Please Jen don’t leave me! Don't let him win!" He said grabbing my hands pulling me in towards him.
"Gerard I truly love you. I hope you know that-"
"If you truly love me then please stay Jen! You’re the best thing I ever had in my life! You make me happier then I have ever been. Please Jen." He said looking at me with tears running down his face.
"Gerard... good bye." I said kissing his cheeks and walking away.
"YOU'RE REALLY JUST GOING TO WALK AWAY FROM ME? AFTER I JUST SPILLED MY HEART OUT TO YOU! AFTER I BEGGED YOU TO STAY! AFTER I TOLD YOU YOU’RE THE BEST THING I EVER HAD! YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE!"
"YOU THINK I WANT TO LEAVE? I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN SAFTEY DUMB ASS! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU IN PAIN! AND THIS IDIOT WILL JUST KEEP COMING BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD KILL YOU!" I said with tears pouring down my face.
"OKAY THEN LEAVE! I DON'T CARE! JUST DON'T KILL THE BABY YOU STUPID FUCK UP!" He screamed at me. I couldn't believe he had just said that to me.
"Jen. I didn't mean it! Can we please just sit and talk." He asked realizing how hurtful his words really were.
"No I am going to go. Hope I don't kill the baby on my way."
"NO! Please I didn't mean it!" I heard him say as I walked out the door.
I had tears running down my face. I was so upset. At the end of the hall I saw all of them looking at me in confusion, curiosity, and wonder. I walked right past them and outside. I saw Bill sitting at the bus stop. He saw me got up and walked towards me.
"Its about time. I knew you would come around." He said wiping my tears and kissing me. I was so mad and upset I didn't bother to push him away or scream. He pulled away from me and smiled.
"I am so glad I can do this with out all the screaming and slapping involved." He said pushing my hair behind my ears.
"Come one. I'll take you home." He said with a grin. He grabbed my waist and we started walking 'home'. Or where ever 'home' was. I was so blank and depressed it didn't matter.