Get Your Kicks

Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I still couldn’t believe that I’d slept with Zayn Malik. I had actually done it and it was everything I thought it would be. I mean, he wasn’t perfect, but neither was I, and neither were any of the guys I had slept with before him. He wasn’t special and he didn’t have any skills that made him a grade above the rest, but there was just something about being with him that just felt so wonderful.

It was the way he helped me slip on my clothes when we were finished. It was the kiss he placed against my shoulder blade when he slipped my shirt over my head. There was the way he held me until we thought Harry would be getting back, and then walked me to my room afterwards.

The moment seemed magical, and when it was over, it felt like a dream.

I was laying on my bed, with Elle nowhere in sight, just basking in the glow of the day that I’d had. I didn’t really want any interruptions, especially the negative kind, so the knock on my hotel room door was the last thing I wanted to hear.

Sighing, I hopped up off my bed and made my way to the noise, standing on my tiptoes to peek out of the eye hole. A smile fell to my face when I saw Zayn standing in front of me, but he wasn’t smiling like I was.

I pulled the door open, the smile on my face faltering slightly. “Hey, Zayn. What’s up?”

He said nothing, simply gave me a sad, soft smile and looked down at me.

“Can we talk?”

I nodded my head and opened the door further, letting him slip inside. He made his way straight for the foot of the bed and sat on it, shifting slightly.

My breath hitched in my throat at the sight of him, just because he looked so uncomfortable and it made me uncomfortable.

I was no Darcy, but I wasn’t a stranger to that look. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on, and it was obvious that Zayn was having a case of buyer’s remorse. He didn’t have to say a thing; I could just see it in his eyes.

“So, what’s up?” I asked, sitting on the bed next to him.

He looked down at his hands, which were fidgeting in his lap. I wished he would stop doing that, because really he was just making me more nervous.

“Healey.” He took a long, deep breath and I knew what was going to follow wouldn’t be good. I was trying to brace myself for it, but I knew it would hurt all the same. “What – what we did was a mistake. We shouldn’t – we shouldn’t have done that.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“It’s just –” He paused, letting out a sigh. “It’s just that I have Perrie. I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend and I cheated on her.”

“Zayn, it’s –”

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done,” he finished. “It was a mistake, Healey. I need to be with Perrie. I belong with Perrie.” He took a deep breath, shaking his head. “I’m going to try to make things work with her. I just need to know that what happened with us will stay a secret.” His eyes fell on me for the first time since he started speaking and it sent a chill down my spine. “Can you do that for me, Healey? Can you keep this a secret?”

I wanted to slap myself. I really, really did. How could I be so stupid? Honestly. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen or what I thought I was going to feel. I don’t know if I thought that something would happen between us or if I thought I’d just be able to spend this week with him and be done with it.

Whatever I was thinking, it was probably wrong, because the reality of it was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to be his “mistake”. I didn’t want to be the thing that made him realize he needed to work things out with his girlfriend. I didn’t wanna be the vessel that guided him into the light, but there I was.

Apparently, I’d been pausing for too long, because Zayn spoke again.

“Can you keep it a secret, Healey?”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded at him and let a soft yes escape my lips. Truth be told, it was the last thing I wanted to do, but my goal was never to hurt Zayn. That was the last thing I wanted. So, if it made him feel better, I could keep it a secret. It would destroy me inside, but I could do that one thing for him.

As soon as he’d gotten the response he wanted, he stood up, holding his arms out to give me a hug. I thought it was the most pitiful gesture possible, but I fell into his arms and enjoyed the feeling of having him hold me one last time.

I couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t fair that Perrie got him and I didn’t, but I couldn’t say it. It was a secret that I’d have to keep and let out through tears on my pillow at night.