Cobwebs

Michael Vampire’s POV:

It hurt my heart to see her like this. My little sister was in pain. I had known who she was since I first saw her when she peeled the human tumor off of Andy. She was hurting over a dream that had brought up old memories of drug abuse and her attempt at suicide. It was so bad she doubted who she was.

Her mother… if I ever got a hold of that bitch… I have never hit a girl but there is a first time for everything. She took Devlyn and left my dad. He would get letters from her every once in a while that were her bragging about how Devlyn thought that he had left because he didn’t want a kid… even though he already had me. Whenever we got one of her hate letters my dad would get quiet and would then hole himself up in his room and I would be able to hear him crying to himself. That whore had torn him up and now I was looking at another person she had destroyed. When we had gotten the letter about her landing herself in the hospital we were both shocked. The suicide note had been with it.

To all who may read this. To my mother the heartless bitch. To my younger brother the ice cold wretch. To my father who abandoned me to live this hell alone. FUCK YOU ALL FOR THE MEMORIES!!! I will never understand how parents can justify leaving their children or degrading them to nothing.

In life you get dealt a hand of cards and I was given one shitty bunch of cards. I got the parents that didn’t care and the sibling that I hated with all my being. All I have ever wanted was my mom to not hate me and to love me like parents should love their child. I wanted my father to be there and protect me from evil. I wanted an older brother that would protect me. I got none of that. None.

I have always seen suicide as a way of admitting defeat. So I guess I am admitting defeat. My past and my pain have defeated me and I can’t live like this anymore. I won’t live wishing I was dead or that I wasn’t me. I am letting my demons defeat me. Wow I never thought that I would say that.

I am who I am. I am just not accepted that way which is what kills me more that the poison in my veins or the blade that will cut my life line. I hate that everyone I know is all ‘anti bullying’ and ‘pro individuality’ but as soon as someone steps out of the normal it is like they killed someone. So fucking what if I dye my hair? So fucking what if I wear contacts or tease my hair? And so fucking what if I like to dress like it is Halloween every day? I am me and I didn’t hurt you but now I hope this hits home. I wouldn’t kill anyone but myself which is what I am doing now. You acted like I had killed someone so now I hope my actual killing someone eases your god damned mind.

I know that when I die no one will cry for me. Fuck I probably won’t even get a funeral and over the years you will all just let my grave be over run by weeds. I know that so fuck you all. I am not welcomed here. I am not happy here. I think the only thing I will miss (if I can miss stuff after I die) is music. I love music. Real music. Not that pop shit or Skrillex. That isn’t music. Music is stuff that had an actual message not just some words thrown in a blender and spit on a page. For example: pop music is all the same. It is about ‘love’ and all the good things in life that do not exist or fucking something and getting trashed. It isn’t a message it is a word vomit. Bands like Motionless in White and Falling in Reverse and Vampires Everywhere… I love them. To fucking bad that I won’t be able to meet them.

But all in all I guess that it is time to say that the person who is ultimately at fault here is myself. After all it is me who isn’t strong enough to deal with your shit anymore. ‘Mom’ I hope that this makes you see your mistakes. ‘Brother’ after I am gone I hope you see that without me saving your ass all of the time your life is shit. And last but not least ‘father’ I don’t know what to say to you. I just wish I could’ve asked you why you hated me so much that you had to leave.

Fuck you for the painful fucking memories,
Devlyn Marie Snow
October 31, 1992- September 17, 2012

I carried it with me in my coat pocket everywhere. I carried her picture with me everywhere. Without knowing it I had made a connection with my sister. She was into music like me. She loved my band but she didn’t know it was me. Fuck she didn’t even know about me. Yet I still found myself dying to comfort her right now and to be that brother she wanted. I wanted to tell her ‘Hi I’m Michael. I’m your brother.’ I wanted to tell her about how dad cried on Halloween for her every year. I wanted us to have a goddamned family. But I’m not stupid. She is getting better now. She is happy with Devin. Why in the fuck would I screw up her happiness for my own? Bringing up the family would only bring her more pain.

“Let’s go talk to the doctors about releasing her.” Kuza whispered quietly to me effectively pulling me back into the moment. I nodded in agreement as me and my friend slipped unnoticed out the door and walked to the desk. He understood what was going on now. He was the only one other than my dad that knew that Devlyn was my sister. He was the only one that knew how everyone that hurt her or even talked bad about her risked having me rip them up.