If Only

Are you with her, or against her? William Beckett

-

"So, why an abandoned apartment complex?"

"Well, our last manor was actually small. Just a house with a bunch of rooms. We were all living on top of one another. This makes it easier."

"Huh...and what about that other guy's house?"

"Pete?"

"Yeah."

Brendon laughed. "I don't know. Why?"

"I'm going to be staying there, right? With his clan?" I explained.

"Oh! His clan is small don't worry. Just him and three other people."

"Alright," I said. "I thought...it'd be bigger. But, why don't you know about his place? Isn't that like... a big problem seeing as I'm gunna be there."

"His place? Bill won't let us go," Brendon said, and when I looked at him his eyes were dark.

"Why?" I asked.

"His friend...look, we're not allowed - we're not allowed to talk about it either," Brendon said, his eyes getting dimmer and losing their sparkle.

"Brendon-"

"No," he whispered. "No, just." He looked at me with a weak smile.

"Okay."

-

"And here," Brendon smiled wide. The traces of our last conversation were gone. His playful eyes were sparkling again, and he wouldn't stop grinning. "Here, is where we're going to put the rec room. Some of the guys are gunna knock down the wall to the connecting apartment to make it bigger."

I looked around, nodding. "It's nice, but...rec room?"

"It's like our headquarters. Where we go for 'meetings' and that kind of stuff. Butcher's buying a ping-pong table for this one."

"Really?" I giggled.

"You couldn't tell by looking me, but I'm a mean ping-pong player."

"Oh really?"

"Hell yes."

"I guess we'll have to see about that."

"Is that a challenge?"

I grinned at him. "Take it however you want, Bren."

-

“Last but not least, our place,” Brendon said, swinging open a door at the end of a hallway.

“Our place?” I asked.

His face flashed with worry, so Brendon nodded quickly. “Yeah. You, William and me. It’s got three bedrooms, see? Through those doors. And, wait. Where are the lights? Oh here. Look, there’s the kitchen, and-”

“Bren,” I interrupted.

He bit his lip, and only looked at me to ask, “You…you like it right?”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

-

That night, the first night in the new manor, I dreamt of Brendon and William arguing. I could see them in the new apartment: the faded yellow paint, the newly boarded up windows, an old couch, and a ratty rug. I could see Brendon pacing the living room, with William sitting on the couch. I could see Brendon, tired, with pleading eyes. I could see William, frustrated, with his lips set in a hard line.

“Bill, you have to tell her.”

“No.”

“William,” Brendon sighed. “We have to tell her the plan. We can’t just throw her out there and expect her to know what to-”

“The more she doesn’t know, the more she can’t tell them.”

“You’re implying that she’d betray us.”

William closed his eyes. “It wouldn’t be on purpose, but Pete’s good with words. He’d get it out of her eventually.”

Brendon clenched his hands into fists. “William. If she doesn’t know what’s going on, she won’t go along with it!”

“And what do you want to tell her?” William snapped, eyes flashing open. “That we want her to pretend she likes them for our sake? So we can go through with the plan?”

“She won’t trust us if we don’t.”

“Don’t worry,” William smiled, “about her not trusting us.”