Brick Wall

I have always wanted to talk to her the moment I got home. But then the boys might get suspicious. And I just want our relationship to be a secret, far from drama, from problems and hurt.

I just don’t want to hurt her.

She’s something I couldn’t bear to lose.

All this time she’s been there for me. All this time she’s been the only thing that’s been keeping me up whenever I was down. And I just couldn’t let her go.

“Hey Connor.” She said, grabbing me away from my thoughts, her book in hand and her hair blonde as ever, as always. She was beautiful. “I need to talk to you.”

I stared at the other boys; they were too busy with the game on the TV. She stared at the boys too, before she said, “Privately.”

I stood up, casually, trying not to look nervous as hell, even though I was. I tried to calm my thoughts and remind myself that it was just a talk, nothing more. She walked out the living room first and I followed. She stopped at the backdoor of the kitchen and turned to me. Her eyes piercing holes through me.

“Hey.” She said, like ‘hey’ was the only thing she could ever say to me.

“Hey.” I said back, leaning on the counter.

She remained silent, playing with the pages in her book. She looked down and then up at me and then down again, “What are we, really.” She said, her voice so unsure of what she just asked.

I didn’t get her question so I said, “What do you mean?”

“Are we still together?” she replied, a bit faster than I expected. “Together, together or have you forgotten already.” She said, her frustration obvious in her town.

I frowned. “Of course we’re still together, what made you think that we’re---“

“Well I don’t know Connor, ask yourself. Ask yourself how you’ve been acting towards me the past three months during tour? Did you call? Sure, you texted, but that was what, the first week? And then nothing.” She said to me. Her face didn’t show any sign of sadness, it showed more of like remorse. Regret that he ever got into this mess with me.

“Do you know how scary it was to sit here and think? Just think over and over again?” she added, “Of course not Connor, you’d been so busy with your fame and forgot about your lowly girlfriend, and besides you’ve got all your fan girls willing to throw their selves at you.”

I stared at her, not being able to process everything. “You’re not lowly,” was all I managed to say. My brain couldn’t work under pressure. It was cramming to find words, but it just slurred and shut down.

“That’s all you can say?” she snapped.

I shook at this time. I didn’t want to stay quiet, and I didn’t want to say the wrong things as well too. But I took my chance, “I’m sorry.”

She breathed. “Sorry what?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep in touch and everything. Everything was just so hectic and I don’t know…” I trailed off, clutching the sides of the counter to keep my hands from shaking. I tried to speak again, but then nothing.

“You know what I think? I think you’ve been keeping us a secret ‘cause you’ve been sneaking off with random girls you meet on tour. And you’re embarrassed because I’m nothing to most of the girls you do meet.” She breathed. “You are not supposed to do this to me Connor. Leave me hanging every time you want to. Just say the word and we’re over.” she said, saying the last sentence as silent as she could. It wasn’t a demand, nor a request it was more of a scare.

She wanted to scare me.

But through her face and voice, I knew she was scared to lose me.

So she scared me that I’m in the verge of losing her.

But I won’t let that happen.

Never.

I tried to form the words that will keep her hanging on to us. I fixed my words perfectly, and I knew, that this is going to be my chance to prove her wrong. To prove her that all those girls on tour are nothing compared to her. That she’s the only one. I wanted to prove to her that she’s worth it and I’m proud of her.

I wanted to prove to her, that I’m in love with her.

And her alone.

“Come to tour with me.” I said.