Hand Me Downs.

John smiled at me and that's when I got scared. "What?" I asked, his smirk only widened and he leaned back against the fence. "You think we all didn't hate this place at your age?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Yeah, I know," I leaned back next to him and closed my eyes,” but it's not just the place I hate, it's everything about it. It's just not me. I can't be myself here." I opened my eyes and looked over at him, he sat up. “What’s in Boston?” He asked. I sighed and stood up, fixing my hat, “College,” I mumbled, turning around to face him. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, “What? What’s in Boston?” He repeated. “College!” I screamed at him, “I can be someone there! I can do good, I can start my own life, be myself. I don’t have to be your little sister or that one girl who skips classes and hangs out with the drug dealer at lunch time!” I shouted. He looked up at me and chuckled, “You don’t have to be that here, there’s college here. Running away from your problems isn’t going to solve them.” He stood up and folded his arms over his chest. “That’s not what this is about!” I threw my hands in the air and turned away from him, walking down the bleachers; he followed me and grabbed my arm, stopping me. “I’ve tried!” He shouted, “I’ve tried running away from my problems too. You know what the problem is?” He let go of my arm and folded his in front of his body. “What?” I mumbled. “They always come back to you. Your problems always find their way back to you. Maybe in Boston these people won’t be there, and maybe you won’t have to be what they want you to be, but you will always be this person,” “No I won’t John!” I interrupted him. He stopped and raised an eyebrow, he put a hand on my shoulder and he shook his head. “You will always be this person; you have always been this person. This stubborn, hard headed brat,” he sighed, “but you have an amazing heart. You are hilarious and brilliant and you are so much better than what these people make you.” I lowered my head and began playing with my hands, “John, I can’t do this. I just can’t do it anymore. I have to get away, I have to, I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t stand it!” I sat down on the bleachers and hung my head in my hands; John sat down next to me and placed a hand on my back. “Ashton look, I know, I know it’s hard. But running away from everything, is not going to solve it,” I looked up at him, “I don’t know what to tell you, if you want to go, then I can’t stop you, you’re eighteen, you have everything you need. But what do what I do? What do the boys do? What do we do without you? You’re just leaving us, and we’re expected to go on without you? Without our little sister? When you get to Boston, you’ll never call us, hell I’ll be lucky if I see you in the next ten years.” He chuckled slightly and I laid my head on his shoulder, “Are you always gonna be like this?” I chuckled and he looked down at me, giving me a strange look. “You just open your mouth and advice spills out and you don’t even know what you’re saying half the time,” I chuckled, “But somehow, no matter what, no matter what you say, I just, I listen. I take a chance and think that maybe what you’re saying has a point.” I laughed. He chuckled too, kissing my forehead as he stood up, “so you’re staying?” He asked, leaning against the railing, I looked up at him and sighed, “Not in Arizona. Not here, with you. Until I’m nineteen, then it’s my choice. If I decide to leave, you won’t stop me.” I shook my head and stood up; he sighed and rolled his eyes sarcastically, hugging me. “I don’t care what you do, as long as I have you for another year. “ he whispered into my ear. I pulled away and that was the first time I saw the other boys there, sitting on the other bleachers, watching us. Kennedy was biting his knuckle, something he did when he was either nervous or angry, “you know, I think he’s more upset about this then I was,” John said standing next to me, following my eyes to where I was looking. I looked back up at John and sighed, “Can I ask you a question?” I asked, hanging my head. He looked down at me and nodded, “Why weren’t you there this morning? How come you haven’t been there for me these past few months? It’s like I never saw you, you knew what was going on, and you knew I was in trouble, yet you just stayed away from me. You let them care for me.” I nodded my head towards the boys. John sighed and sat down on the bleachers, hanging his head. He looked up at me and his face was just pure pain, and sorrow. “Ashton I know, I know I’m not the best brother in the world, I know that I should have been there for you. And yeah, I saw what was going on, and for some damn reason, I chose to ignore it,” he sighed, hanging his head, “but you have to understand, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to help, it was because I didn’t know how to help, or what you needed me to help you with. Ashton I do love you,” I sat down next to him and grabbed his hand, “I know you do,” I mumbled. “I saw you drifting further away from us and the truth is, I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know what to do. What was I supposed to do? Ashton I had no clue, so I pulled myself away from it all together, but not anymore, no.” He looked up at me and I could see that he had been crying, I wiped his tears with the back of my hands. “You’re wrong, you know,” I mumbled, letting my head rest on his shoulder, “about what?” He asked. “You are the best brother in the world,” I leant up and kissed his cheek. We sat there for awhile, just listening to silence, the Arizona heat surrounding us. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t leave this place, no matter how much I wanted to. This was home, this was everything to me, this baseball field, the music shop where John bought me my first guitar, the old shed me and John Gomez used as a club house all those years back, 8123. All my memories, all those nights on the beach with Jess, sneaking out with at least one of the boys, sometimes more. The house I grew up in, my family, all my friends, and the people I grew up with. They’re all here. John was right, if I left I would never come back. “Everything alright over here?” Pat’s voice broke the silence, I looked up and saw him and the other’s walking over to sit down next to John. Just like the old times, without the baseball game, but there hasn’t been one played here in ages. These boys have grown up so much in front of my eyes, I can’t imagine what it’s like for them, I was only eight when I first met them. Here they are sitting in front of me, and they look so different, so much older, so much wiser, almost, I laughed to myself. “What’s so funny munchkin’?” Jared strained his neck to look at me. “Just thinking about what it used to be like, all of us. Here, so much has changed. I can’t believe this is what we turned out to be.” I chuckled. “I think I turned out pretty good,” Pat said, making us all laugh. “Where do you think we’ll be in ten years?” Garrett mumbled, looking out at the sunset. “Hopefully still making music,” John answered, “living in Phoenix with my family,” I said. All eyes turned to me, “You’re staying?” Kennedy sat forward, catching my eye. I looked at him and we sat there, looking at each other, “yeah, I’m staying.”