Give Your Heart a Break

June 30th, Monday

After a seemingly never-ending weekend with my family, I was finally back at my place adjusting to home life in New York. And as I had told my family about dating whoever I wanted and having one-night stands with whoever I wanted, I stuck to my word.

I slowly awoke, sighing into my pillow as I rubbed my eyes and saw my ex, Jared Leto, getting dressed. He slipped his t-shirt over his fit body and then finished zipping up his jeans.

"Good morning." I whispered, checking the time. 11:43am.

He looked over his shoulder and smirked at me, "Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep over."

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, holding the blanket against my bare chest. "That's fine." I lightly smiled.

After he had finished dressing, he sat next to me and leaned in close, kissing my cheek. "Last night was incredible, we should do it again sometime." He smiled.

I nodded, "Yeah, for sure. Just call me up and we'll work it out."

He got up and grabbed his jacket that was hanging on the chair. "Alright, see you 'round. Have fun with Terry." He smiled, going down the spiral stairs.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." I thought to myself. I laid back down and waited until I heard the front door close. I sighed and got out of bed, walking to my dresser and taking out a bra and matching underwear. I then went downstairs into the bathroom to take a shower.

As the water beat down against my skin, washing last night off my skin, I recalled just how Jared and I ended up spending a night together.

Well, I haven't gone out in a very long time, and by going out, I mean going to a club or bar. The last time I went out was in February; the Oscar party hosted by Vogue and I was with Chris at the time. Well, going back to Jared and I, went out with Behati and her husband Jamie to a club that just opened up. The Prohibition had been shut down since February and Nik and I feel that it should remain closed since it was the place that brought out the bad in us.

I was sitting with Behati and Jamie in a booth and a grey goos martini with two olives was sent over to our table for me. It was sent by Jared. He was sitting in another booth with Terry Richardson and eventually they both came over and joined us.

Jared introduced me to Terry which was quite an honour since Terry just so happens to be one of my favourite photographers. We all got to talking and Terry expressed that he'd love to do a photoshoot of me. Of course I agreed and as Jared reminded me earlier, I'm going to Terry's loft this afternoon.

Anyway, the evening went on and we were all having a great time but it was getting late and Behati and Jamie wanted to go and Jared offered to drive me home.

One thing led to another, I asked him to come upstairs for a drink, we had a drink and then started making out, we went up to my bedroom and yeah.

I sighed and lathered the shampoo through my hair and rinsing it out.

Afterwards I walked out only in my lace bra and panty and went back up to my room, taking the sheets and duvet cover off the bed to do laundry. I began gathering up some clothes and towels in a laundry basket when there was a knock at my door.

I furrowed my brow, "I wonder who that could be." I picked up the basket and went downstairs noticing the taped up cardboard boxes on the floor; I forgot about those, they were my belongings from the house in Nashville, still unopened.

I opened the front door and grinned. "Chris." I whispered.

He was smiling too but maybe because I answered the door in my underwear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him, not wanting to let him go. After last night, seeing him now was my real relief.

I pulled him into my apartment and closed the door, he dropped his duffle bag and hugged me again. "I hope you don't mind me coming by, I just needed to see you." He chuckled.

"I'm so happy you're here." I smiled. "How did you get in the building?"

"A British guy let me in, I think he lives here. We came in at the same time." He replied.

He was talking about Jack.

"I've missed you so much." I grinned, taking his hand and leading him in. "Excuse me a moment, I'm just gonna put some clothes on." I laughed.

"I'm fine with this, I'm liking the view." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes and bounded up the stairs to quickly change, buttoning my jeans as I came back into the room.

"I'll set you up in the guest room." I said as I pulled on a band-tee over my head. I picked up his duffle bag and showed him into the guest room which also posed as a closet for me. "You'll have to excuse the racks of clothing." I pushed them back to make more room.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to stay here? I was gonna stay at a hotel." He asked.

"Of course it's okay. I want you here. I'm alone anyway, you won't have to worry about any guests." I lightly laughed, brushing the thought of Jared to the back of my mind.

"Thanks." He smiled, sitting down on the bed. He held out his hand and I placed mine in his. He gently pulled me closer to him, having me sit in his lap as he wrapped his strong arms around me.

"What did you want to do today?" He murmured.

I looked up at him. "I actually have a photoshoot with Terry Richardson. I'd love if you came with me." I smiled.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." I smiled, smoothing my hand over his now short hair that was cut with clippers. "I miss your glorious Steve Rogers locks."

He started to laugh, dropping his head back. "Now that's a first!"

I smiled as I watched him. He had a great smile, it was perfect and boyish and silly.

"You look different." He softly smiled, running his fingers through my hair. It used to be blonde but I had dyed it brown for the role of Fantine in Les Miserables.

"Your hair is darker and longer." He murmured, "And you're thinner. That was the first thing I noticed when I hugged you and saw you in that sexy lingerie."

I rolled my eyes and laughed but soon became serious as I noticed him watching me intently. I bit my lip, "I've grown used to being thin. I lost ten pounds for Factory Girl and lost another fifteen between December and February. It was unintentional but it really came in handy in the end."

"In handy?"

"Well, maybe that's not the right word. But in Les Miserables I portrayed a dying prostitute. And being thin achieved that look."

He held me a little tighter. "Well you don't need to look like a dying prostitute now. I like you any way, but I especially liked the way you were the last time we seen each other, don't lose anymore weight." He kissed my hair.

I closed my eyes, wanting to throw my arms around him and kiss him over and over, but then that pang of fear and guilt of becoming emotionally attached to him stopped me.

I looked back at him and softly smiled, "Then let's order something to eat. Do you like pizza?" I stood up and walked toward the door.

"Do I like pizza? What kind of question is that?" He laughed, following me out of the room.

"Perfect, I'll order us a pizza, can you check the fridge for beers or something?" I took my cellphone and began flipping through the phonebook, looking for the number to Dominos.

As I ordered over the phone he came back into the room and shook his head, meaning that I didn't have any beer in the apartment. After hanging up, I looked up at him.

"There's a liquor store a block over, I'll go get some. The pizza won't be here till 12:30, I've got 30 minutes."

"I'll come with you." He smiled, getting up.

So we left the apartment and just walked to the liquor store. As usual there were always a few paparazzi that hung around my building so they took up the chance to follow Chris and I. We tried our best to ignore their comments about us dating, questions about how I feel about Caleb and the divorce. At the liquor store we quickly picked up a case of Heineken and quickly went back to my place.

"How do you deal with that? I hardly get recognized when I go out." He laughed, opening a couple beers for us as we settled on the couch.

I shrugged my shoulders, "The pictures are fine, I give them what they want. But when it comes to the personal questions and comments, I try my best to ignore them."

"Well you're gorgeous, I guess that's why you don't mind getting your pictures taken." He smiled.

I smiled and sat down next to him, "They saw your gorgeous mug and knew they needed to get pictures of you." I put my hand on the side of his face.

He just laughed and took the t.v remote, turning it on and going through the channels.

Soon the door buzzer went off so I got up and went to answer it, it was the pizza delivery guy. Soon he came up and I paid him for the pizza and came back to the living room. I jumped onto the couch next to Chris. We took some pizza and I sat back into the couch, sitting close to him as we watched a re-run of How I Met Your Mother.

I turned to him with a smile. "I like this. You know, sitting on the couch, eating pizza, watching t.v and literally doing nothing. And doing this with you makes it ten times better."

He smiled and leaned in, kissing my cheek. "I like this too. I think we're gonna have to do this more often then."

I blushed and shyly nodded, looking back at the screen and nestling close to him.