I Don't Do Lonely Well

I sigh heavily and run both hands through my hair, my elbows resting on the kitchen table. The front door closes, and I hear three sets of footsteps. “Whoa, man, it’s heavy as hell in here,” Jack comments, dropping into one of the five remaining chairs.
“What’s going on?” Rian questions, sitting down next to Jack. Zack silently takes a seat on Jack’s other side.
I rub my tired eyes before looking at them. “Virginia might be pregnant.” The shock on all of their faces speaks for them. “What the fuck do I do?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Jack replies. I cast a glare at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.
“You’re staying with her, right?” Zack ensures.
“Hang on, what’s the situation?” Rian chimes in.
“My mom invited her over for dinner, and I could tell something was wrong. I thought she was just tired. When we got back, I asked her if something was wrong, and she told me she was late. She took two tests—one came out positive, one came out negative.”
“Shit, man,” Zack sighs.
“What am I supposed to do if she is pregnant? What about the band?”
“We obviously want you to stay with her,” Rian replies. Jack and Zack hum in agreement.
“If we have to take a little break, it’s fine,” Zack adds.
“No, Virginia doesn’t want us to. She said she’d feel too horrible,” I refuse.
“You talked about it already?”
“Of course we did. I’m taking her to the doctor’s tomorrow.”
“Then, I guess don’t worry about it until you know for sure,” Rian decides.

Virginia’s leg bounces nervously, and I finally rest my hand on her knee to stop her. “You’re giving me anxiety.”
“I have anxiety,” she sighs.
“Virginia?” Both of our heads snap up at the sound of her name. She quickly rises to her feet, and I follow. “Follow me please.”
We arrive at a white-painted room with standard waiting room chairs sitting in a pair next to the door. A pale green bed is covered with a single strip of sterile paper. “So, you’d like to undergo a pregnancy test?” the nurse questions.
Virginia nods. The nurse goes over some guidelines with her, and I’m not really listening at all. Something about peeing in a cup, contraceptives, blah, blah, blah.
Virginia exits the room with the nurse and returns alone. She doesn’t say anything to me. She won’t even look at me.
I wouldn’t look at me either. If she’s pregnant, it’s my fault.
We sit in silence, avoiding eye contact, for a solid twenty minutes before the door opens again. I watch Virginia as she watches the doctor. “Virginia, correct?”
“Yeah…”
The doctor flips through his papers shortly, and Virginia meets my eyes for maybe five seconds. I can see the worry and fear in them. “The tests came back negative. You’re not pregnant.”
She just breaks down in sobs, and I have no idea why.
“I’ll give you two some time.” The doctor exits.
“Babe?” I rise and rest my hand on her arm. “Virginia?” She unburies her face from her hands and wipes her cheeks, but the tears keep coming. She stares at the wall to try and slow the tears. “What’s wrong?” She can’t even answer me, and something occurs to me. “Did you want to have a baby?”
“No,” she answers immediately. “I love you with everything in me, but that is not part of my plan right now. I can’t do that. Not with Cody, not with school, not with your band. Not to mention affording everything.” She finally looks at me. “Did you?”
I just smile and shake my head. She sighs in relief. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m so relieved.” She stands up and embraces me tightly, still crying into my chest. Her hands are shaking when she finally lets me go. She takes a deep breath and wipes her cheeks again. “I need a nap.”
We share a small laugh. “Let’s go home.”

All three guys are sitting on the couch waiting for me to get home. “She’s not here?” Jack wonders.
“She’s back at home. The anxiety didn’t really treat her well, and I think she needed time to recollect.”
The three nod in understanding. “So, do I take that as she’s not pregnant?” Rian clarifies.
“Yeah, she’s not,” I confirm. “I don’t know what I would have done had the tests come back positive.”
“You don’t have to think about that now,” Zack laughs.
I let out a laugh. “I need a beer.”

“Tour? For the entire summer?” I flop down next to Virginia on her bed.
“I know it’s not ideal, but I want you to come with us.” She nods and thinks about it, typing away on her computer. “You have time. I know you want to try to get that job at Dulaney…dear god, Dulaney.” Virginia laughs and shakes her head.
“Is it weird that I might work at your old high school?” I kiss her lips quickly.
“A little bit, but I’m basically a superstar there now. So…”
She laughs and pushes my face away from hers. “Don’t be a dick.”
“Those are fighting words!” I grab her arms and close her laptop. She turns to me with a pout.
“Alex! This paper is due tonight!”
“Yeah, and it’s only 1 in the afternoon!” She leans her head to the side as I leave kisses on her neck. I kiss down to her chest and start pulling her shirt up.
“Alex…” She grabs my hands. I sigh.
“I know. I’m sorry.” She frowns and pushes herself up and sits cross-legged.
“I know you’re frustrated with me.”
“No, I get it.” Even though I really do get it, I’m still a little upset. She raises her eyebrows, expecting me to continue. “Okay, I don’t get it. It’s been two weeks, and you’ve barely let me even touch you. What’s going on?”
“I’m scared.”
“Yeah, I get that, but don’t you think it’s been enough time?” She shrugs and looks down. “What’s going on, Virginia?”
“Nothing.”
“I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.” She sniffles and plays with the bottom of her yoga pants. Her tattoo peaks out from under her hoodie sleeve.
“Jordan’s been coming into work a lot lately. He broke up with Danielle after what happened in LA.”
“Okay…”
“Grace had him arrested the other day on harassment charges. It got that bad.” She shakes her head and looks off at the door to her bedroom.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” She looks back down at her hands, and then I realize. “Babe…” I pick up her hands and hold them.
“I couldn’t do that to you again, Alex. And then when I thought I was pregnant, it just added to the stress. Plus, I’m finishing my last few weeks of schooling…”
“I wanted to help you last time. Why would this be any different?” She shrugs. “How long, babe?”
“Last night was the first time, but that’s not exactly what I’ve been doing.” She bites her lip nervously. “One of the new guys at the bar smokes.”
It almost feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I’d rather her have a cigarette when she’s stressed than cut herself. “I actually never would have guessed that. You don’t smell like cigarettes—“
“Not cigarettes,” she cuts me off weakly.
“Wait, what?”
“He doesn’t smoke cigarettes.” Her eyes meet mine, and I can see that she’s scared of my reaction.
I push myself off of the bed and pick up my jacket draped over her desk chair. She immediately straightens up.
“Where are you going?”
“I need to think.” I pull my car keys out of my jacket pocket and leave.