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The Little Common Word
Sebastian
It’s been two weeks since the “incident”. I’ve been calling it that lately. I hate myself for it. Tony and I are going out to eat because I got out of the hospital this morning so were celebrating. I know I’m going to have to talk to him about it, and I’m scared to.
We get to the restaurant, it’s my favorite place, and I got to pick it. We sit by the window. And Tony breaks the ice.
“Why’d you do it Sebastian?” He asks concerning.
“If you lived with my mother, you’d understand.” I say quietly.
“It’s not just that, before then you hardly ever saw your mother. What is it, you know you can tell me.” He says.
“I didn’t know how to speak to people about my problems and they all came at me at once, I was overwhelmed.” I say loudly.
“Look, I’m not yelling okay? I just want answers… You got so overwhelmed that you felt like killing yourself was the best option?” He says.
“Yes, okay? I don’t know how to handle problems! I couldn’t help myself!” I say loudly again.
“I love you and I don’t want to lose you!” He says. I pause, and look up at him.
“R-really?”I say nervously.
“Yes, I do Sebastian. Like a lot.” He says sweetly. I immediately say I love you right back to him. Because I really do, wow, was it that easy? Was I afraid of something that shouldn’t have been scary? I feel like scaredy cat now. Somehow, I wish I never attempted suicide now. I admit to him that I also did it because I was afraid he wouldn’t love me back because I’m so messed up. He said he doesn’t care about my problems because the problems are what makes me perfect. I love him even more after that.
We made love for the first time that night. It was like no other. It was love, not just sex, which made it ten times better. Every time we see each other when we wake up next to each other, I get this warm feeling in my stomach, like maybe this is the real thing. And I then realize, I’m in love. For the first time, in a long time. I wish I could have this feeling forever.
We get to the restaurant, it’s my favorite place, and I got to pick it. We sit by the window. And Tony breaks the ice.
“Why’d you do it Sebastian?” He asks concerning.
“If you lived with my mother, you’d understand.” I say quietly.
“It’s not just that, before then you hardly ever saw your mother. What is it, you know you can tell me.” He says.
“I didn’t know how to speak to people about my problems and they all came at me at once, I was overwhelmed.” I say loudly.
“Look, I’m not yelling okay? I just want answers… You got so overwhelmed that you felt like killing yourself was the best option?” He says.
“Yes, okay? I don’t know how to handle problems! I couldn’t help myself!” I say loudly again.
“I love you and I don’t want to lose you!” He says. I pause, and look up at him.
“R-really?”I say nervously.
“Yes, I do Sebastian. Like a lot.” He says sweetly. I immediately say I love you right back to him. Because I really do, wow, was it that easy? Was I afraid of something that shouldn’t have been scary? I feel like scaredy cat now. Somehow, I wish I never attempted suicide now. I admit to him that I also did it because I was afraid he wouldn’t love me back because I’m so messed up. He said he doesn’t care about my problems because the problems are what makes me perfect. I love him even more after that.
We made love for the first time that night. It was like no other. It was love, not just sex, which made it ten times better. Every time we see each other when we wake up next to each other, I get this warm feeling in my stomach, like maybe this is the real thing. And I then realize, I’m in love. For the first time, in a long time. I wish I could have this feeling forever.