Here With Me

March 1st, Friday

Yesterday I drove Hudson to the airport to say bye to him before he left; he was hoping to be back by next Friday, or at least next weekend. So tonight I decided to go ahead and join Gemma and Kennedy to celebrate his 25th birthday. Their cab pulled up in front of my building just as I came outside.

"Happy Birthday Ken!" I grinned as I climbed into the backseat of the cab, joining Kennedy and Gemma.

"Thanks! You ready to party hard tonight?" He grinned.

"You know me, hard is the only way I know how to party." I laughed.

Music by Spice Girls was blaring over the speakers in the club; we were all at The Prohibition. We've been here for a couple hours already, dancing and drinking. Earlier we went out to dinner, went to the first club Kiss and Fly for a few drinks and then ended up here at The Prohibition where Studio 54 used to be.

The club was like a 1990s dream; retro music, strobe lights, colourful drinks with male bartenders in mesh tops, dancers in cages, drugs, pop art everywhere. Basically a rave. I had my share of drinks and was fooling around with Kennedy, singing along to the music and dancing on one of the tables after the actual dancer had left.

The others were laughing at us while we busted out these crazy moves while trying to stay on the platform. There were about 15 or so of us that all came out for Kennedy's party, and at least five of them were male models that he works with; they were all strung out on some drug or other.

When I saw one of the servers going throughout the room with a tray of tube shots, I quickly stumbled off the platform and took a few from her and this time I didn't have to worry about being scolded since Hudson wasn't around; He didn't like when I drank to the excess.

"You don't think that's a little too much, Ave?" Christian commented, sitting next to me on one of the sofas.

"They're just shots." I laughed, taking a shot, passing one to a guy named Damien.

Christian just laughed and shook his head, "Well I'm gonna be keeping an eye on you then."

"Christian my boy, ease up. I'm not 5, I've been doing this since I was 17, relax! I'm nobody's responsibility." I laughed, getting up and pushing through the crowd toward the bar. After ordering a drink I had turned around to leave but bumped into someone. "Oh sorry!" I giggled, looking up at him.

My expression dropped and I swallowed hard. "Eric."

He at first had a look of surprise but then smiled softly, "Avery, wow, it's been so long."

I sheepishly smiled back, "Yeah it has, how have you been?"

He dragged his hand through his hair as he leaned against the bar, "I've been pretty good...you know, I've actually been seeing a psychiatrist, or shrink." He laughed, "Since we...you know, and I knew I needed to get some help and I've been doing great. I'm different from who I was nine months ago that's for sure."

"Wow, that's so great...I'm happy for you." I politely smiled. Though things were kind of awkward, I couldn't help but be surprised by the difference I see in him. The way he talks, the look in his eyes, he seems more gentle.

"Avery, I just wanna tell you again how sorry I am-"

"Eric, don't, okay? I'm having a great time right now, I've moved on." I shook my head and smiled, touching his arm in a comforting way. I glanced over my shoulder making sure the others didn't see, especially Amelia. The only one who noticed was Christian.

He smiled back and nodded. "Right. Well how are you? How's life?"

I grinned, "It's been great. I got sort of a promotion at Rolling Stone and I'm with them permanently now and work is great...I'm also married now so that's pretty awesome."

He stopped and stared at me. "You're married?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I am."

He laughed, "That's so crazy! I had no idea, but congratulations, who's the guy?"

"Um...do you remember that guy that was at my birthday party last year?"

He thought for a moment and then looked back at me, "Oh, that uh, British guy?"

I blushed, "Yup. Hudson. We got engaged in October and married in December."

"I had no idea, that's amazing." He smiled down at me, "I'm really happy for you Avery, Hudson's a lucky guy but he probably hates my guts, so I'll steer clear of him." He chuckled.

"He's not here tonight, but thanks anyway." I smiled. "Have you got yourself a girl?"

He just smiled and shook his head.

"She'll come soon enough." I replied. "I have to go, but...it was nice seeing you again Eric."

"Take care of yourself, Ave." He smiled after shaking my hand.

I just smiled and went back into the crowd till I was with Gemma, Amelia and couple of the models who were all dancing.

"This club is amazing!" Amelia grinned.

"I know! That celebrity, Audrey Cobain and her brother Nikolas run this place, I think they might even be here tonight, they usually sit up there." Gemma pointed up to the V.I.P lounge at a private booth.

"That's awesome." I smiled, dancing with one of the models.

"And it's like, one of the only clubs that let's you do drugs here, contrary to the name Prohibition. Anything goes here." She added, she waved at Kennedy signalling for him to come over.

He came over, no longer wearing a shirt, "It's so hot!" He laughed. "What's up babe?" He danced with us.

"You got some more stuff?" She asked over the music.

"You know it." He grinned, reaching into his pocket taking out a small bag of colourful tablets that looked like candy, but we all knew exactly what they were.

"Shall we?" Gemma smiled, taking the bag from him. Noah, the model I was dancing with draped an arm over me and shouted over the music "Yeah!"

I just laughed but before I could even give my answer, I was grabbed and pulled away from Noah and the others. "Hey!" I called.

I turned to face Christian, "What are you doing?" I didn't know whether to be angry or amused.

"What are you doing? That's ecstasy, Avery." He glared at me, I pulled my wrist out of his hold.

"I'm aware of that, Christian. Stop being such a stuffed shirt." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not. I'm only looking out for you, you're about to make a stupid decision." He growled.

"Oh, kinda like you asking me to cheat on my husband with you?" I retorted.

He stopped and stared hard at me. "Don't do that. Don't make this about me, not now...Who was that guy you were talking to?"

Again I rolled my eyes, "No one."

"Avery."

"Okay, you know what? Going back to that cheating thing, the last time I cheated I ended up in the hospital. Yeah, that was him at the bar. That's Eric." I spoke as I just stared up at him, he was fuming as was I, but despite the tension between us he brought his hand up and gently stroked the side of my face, grazing the scar on my forehead. "I'd never do that to you." He spoke. I stepped back and just stared at him.

"I'm gonna have a word with that Eric." He glared.

"What? No, don't. Christian, stay away from him." I panicked, grabbing his arm trying to stop him. He pulled out of my hold and stormed through the crowd toward Eric. I pleaded with him to stop, "Christian, please don't do this!"

"Eric!" He yelled and when Eric turned around, Christian threw a punch at him, sending him crashing against the bar.

"Christian!" I screamed.

"Get up!" He yelled at him. Eric held his jaw and looked at him in shock, shaking his head. "I don't even know who you are!"

"You think it's okay to hit a woman but you won't hit me?" Christian pushed him.

"That was a long time ago Christian, Eric and I are fine. He's changed!" I pleaded, trying to pull Christian back. When Eric found his balance again, he hissed as he touched his jaw. Christian grabbed him and punched him again, this time sending him to the floor.

"Christian stop!" I shouted, going in between him and Eric. "Eric, I'm so sorry."

A couple of security guards rushed over along with the owners, whom I presumed were Audrey and Nikolas. "What's going on here?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, we were just leaving." I spoke, turning to Kennedy. "Kennedy, sorry but I'm gonna go alright?"

"Yeah for sure, take care of yourself, okay? Text me when you get home, so I know you're okay."

I just nodded and left out the club, standing outside as cabs were driving past and I waved one of them down, waiting for Christian to come outside. When he came out, I turned to him and pushed him. "What was that?" I shouted and hit his chest, "Why would you do that?!"

"Avery, I'm sorry. But he hurt you-"

"That was a long time ago! I've moved on! He's changed now. Why can't you just listen?" I stared at him for a moment. "I wasn't even gonna do those drugs anyway!" I gave an exasperated sigh before climbing into the cab. He followed.

"Where to?" The driver asked.

"To the Dakota building, east of Central Park." I replied.

We didn't say much during the cab ride, other than him apologizing and me saying it was fine, and when we arrived at his house, I followed him upstairs. When we entered into his dark apartment, I stopped him as I shut the door. "Are you drunk?"

He shook his head, "No. I stayed sober tonight 'cause I wanted to look out for you."

"Good. 'Cause I want you to remember this." I said before I cupped his face and kissed him hard, pushing him against the wall.

He panted and gently held me back, "What are you doing?"

I kissed him again, "Giving you what you've always wanted." I then knelt down before him and began undoing his jeans. He groaned and stopped me before I could do anything.

"Not here." He spoke, standing me up again before picking me up and walking us down the hall toward his bedroom. He gently set me down on the bed and walking back to the door, closing it and then turning on a dim light.

From across the room we watched each other, completely silent. Slowly he walked toward me and stood at the foot of the bed, staring down at me before he knelt down and took off my heels, pausing for a moment as he ran his hands up and down my legs. He kissed my knees before stopping and looking up at me. "Avery...you know I want you. I want you for everything...but tonight, there's something I want more than sex...I just wanna hold you."

I furrowed my brow, looking down at him in this dim lighting. I didn't know what to say.

He stood up and took off his shoes before walking around the bed and sitting down, still watching me. "Come here." He softly spoke, laying down. I hesitated but crawled up the bed and rested myself in the curve of his body with one of his arms wrapped around me and the other holding my hand, resting on his chest.

For a long time we laid there in silence, him holding me, my head resting on his shoulder. I didn't understand this...and maybe it was something so simple but I was just making it more complex than what it really was, but I couldn't understand why he just wanted this.

"Christian?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"...why me?" I asked.

He was silent for another moment, "What do you mean?"

"Why do you love me?"

"I love you because, you're everything I've ever wanted in another person...you're perfect to me in every way. You're the only one who ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if wasn't the best of feelings, you're the only one who can make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat...you're the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You're the only person that's ever made me feel like I didn't have try so hard. Avery, you're real. You're...honest and funny and you're just you. You've changed me for the better, I feel like I'm a better person because of you. I just love you Avery...more than I've ever loved another person."

I shut my eyes tightly and buried my face into his chest, holding back tears. Now I've come to terms with this feeling, this feeling that I've tried to deny. I have feelings for Christian.