What's the Point of Being in Love?

It was the last day of tour.

And where was the stop? Portland, Oregon. Of course it’s the place we live.

Alex and I have done nothing but avoid each other. I guess it was a mutual feeling that we should really not talk.

Our bags were packed and waiting to ben taken off the bus at the end of the day when it would be time to leave.

We quickly got permission to go home and have a proper shower before our set.

“Cotton Caaaaaaandy!”

I let out a huff when Jack attacked me in a hug. He pulled away and looked down at me with those puppy dog eyes of his.

“I hear your going home to shower,” he breaths.

I sigh, knowing where this was going. “Jack – “

“I’m so tired of those crammed bus showers!” he cries, wrapping his arms around me. “The waters always cold, and, and – “

“Fiiiiiine,” I sigh.

“Yay!” Jack claps his hands and hops up and down like a little kid.

I then lead him to the van. Emmie and I live together so we were planning to drop everyone off then go home. After we shower I’d take the car and she’ll drive the van back while the rest of Friday goes back in their respective cars. It meant that the tour people could have their van back without having to drop any of us off first.

After we dropped everybody else off we drove to Emmie and my house.

Jack walked in, looking around at everything with wide baby eyes. “It’s so pwetty,” he said, clutching his clothes to his chest.

I giggled, “Thank you, Jackie.”

“I call showering fiiiiiirst!”

“I call bottom bathroom!” Emmie shouted next.

Before I could say anything both were bounding to the bathrooms.

I sighed and decided to just go to my room.

My eyes trailed over the furniture. Going home after tour was always amazing. So many emotions would be there. I always missed being able to travel and my tour friends, but I was glad to have my bed back. It was bittersweet.

I went to my bed and climbed in. I felt like so much had happened this summer. They all included boys, I noticed.

And this was why I dropped them after Peyton.

I wrapped my zebra print blankets tighter around my body. I turned my head up to the words over the headboard.

Dedication Takes A Lifetime; But Dreams Only Last For A Night

I almost laughed from the irony. As soon as that song came out I lived off those lines, believing that’s how my dedication to my music should be. And now the person who came up with them was in love with me.

And I’m in love with him.

Instead I cried. I wished so bad that I could love Alex.

“You need to stop being such a fucking wuss.”

That was what it was. I was a wuss, was all. I was too scared. I was scared to be in another relationship. I was scared to open up like that again. I was terrified of being vulnerable.

I was too scared to love Alex like I wanted to so bad.

“Cayne – “

Jack stopped in the doorway when he saw me. Droplets dripped from his untidy hair.

“Jack,” I said, sitting up in bed and rubbing furiously at my eyes.

Jack frowned and walked into the room, shutting it behind him. I sniffed.

In the next moment I was in Jack’s arms, crying into his chest. My eyes got all red and raw. All Jack did was whisper comforting things in my ear.

Then we were away from each other. Jack shot me a look.

“I won’t ask,” he said simply.

I smiled, “Thank you, Jack.”

Jack nodded then pat me on the shoulder. “Go shower, kid.”

I didn’t even gripe him for calling me kid.

So with that I climbed from bed and got clothes, making my way to the bathroom.

I took my time in the shower. The heat pouring from the spout let out my tight muscles I had built up on tour.

This was so much better than the shower on the bus.

When I got out I dressed quickly and blow dried my hair. It has never felt so clean.

After I did my make up I made my way downstairs.

I stopped short.

“ – doing?” It was Emmie.

“There was a dog – a big one! – I got rid of it – it was eating your porch.” That was Jack.

“Yes, I’m so sure. That’s why you were digging around in the roses.”

I furrowed my brows. What?

“Yeah, Jack, you’re buuuuuusted.”

“I’m sorry! I had to!”

“Had to what, Jack?”

I heard whispering. I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

I inched forward…

And tripped, landing with my waist at the top of the stairs. Emmie and Jack jumped apart, eyes wide as they looked at me.

“S-sorry,” I stuttered. “Tripped.”

“I see that,” Emmie straightened her shirt, shooting a glance at Jack.

I got up, “Ready to go back?”

“I’m actually going to ride with Emmie,” Jack said.

I brushed my hair behind my ear as if this seemed like nothing.

It was definitely something.

Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “No problem.”

As I drove in front of Emmie and Jack I kept checking in the rearview mirror.

Jack was explaining to something as Emmie made heartfelt faces.

I was really, really curious now.

We soon arrived back at the venue.

Brynn and Erix were back already at the tent with Oceanne.

“Only gotta wait for Abner,” Emmie said.

He arrived a few minutes later.

Jack ran off right before our set to do whatever Jack does.

We all made our way to the Kevin Says stage and climbed on.

Looking out to the crowd, my heart gave a jolt.

All these people came to see me. And they were exited, too.

“Hey, Portland…”

*

I sat at the tent, masking in the sun.

“Cayne?”

I swirled in my seat and my heart dropped.

Peyton stood before me. Tall, lean. Shorter hair but his blue eyes gleamed.

I scrambled from my seat, surprise dripping from my pores.

“Peyton?” I gasped.

I heard everyone in the tent – Emmie, Darren, Abner, Oceanne, and Jack – go silent.

“Peyton noticed the change in volume and – uncomfortable – shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

I pressed my lips together.

“Uh – “

“Hey, why’s everyone so qui – “

We all turned to Alex who was entering. Jack quickly grabbed him.

“That’s Peyton,” he told Alex in a hushed tone. Peyton flinched at the disdain in his voice.

Alex’s eyes narrowed. “What is he doing here?”

“Let’s go somewhere else, Peyton,” I told him.

Everybody was surprised. Even I was surprised.

But out of everybody, Alex was the most surprised of us all.

I led Peyton towards the busses. I quickly showed the guard my pass and told him Peyton was with me. He looked disgruntled but allowed us to pass.

Both Peyton and I felt awkward as we walked down the line of busses.

Hundreds of thoughts zoomed through my head.

And even more memories. Good and bad.

Finally, after what felt like hours of silence, I opened my mouth.

“What’d you want to talk to me about?”

Peyton turned to me. Then he stopped walking, so I copied.

Peyton looked me in the eyes. “I miss you, Cayne.”

I gulped. I was not expecting that.

Peyton bit his lip, then leaned forward…

In the next instant our lips were pressed together. The kiss was exactly how I remembered his to be – rough.

So many raw emotions shot through my body at once – then I melted into it.

Our lips molded together just like they had so many times before. His hands rested on my hips as he pressed his lips harder to mine.

Then he was gone.

Peyton stared down at me.

This guy I had loved for so long. My longest relationship. I had taken his virginity. He took mine. We’d been through so much together.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I parted my lips,

“I love you, too, Peyton.”

*

I stumbled into the house behind Emmie. I almost fell asleep right in front of the door.

“Night,” I mumbled sleepily to Emmie.

“G’night,” she said.

I went up to my room and pushed open the door.

Music met my ears.

– fight and make up
She likes, she likes, she likes to be alone
She likes, she likes the heartache of a breakup
She likes, she likes to be my bittersweet love

My eyes met my open laptop on my bed.

The only person that knows the password other than me is Emmie.

- And Jack.

I should have known what they were talking about!

But how could I?

She probably told him where the hidden key was so he could get in, too.

But why –

The song repeated itself.

What’s the point of being in love?
What’s the point of being with someone you can’t have?
I know exactly how this will end but for someone reason I can’t help myself
No I just can’t help myself

- Alex.

Ugh! How could she do that? Reveal not only where the hidden house key is but my laptop password?

I slammed the laptop shut and threw myself on the bed.

Meow.

I shot up in bed with wide eyes that scanned the room.

They met a baby cat.

The small kitten was a tabby ragdoll with white and brown fur, a pink nose, and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen.

“Oh, Alex,” I said, climbing from the bed and crossing the room. I picked the cat up and checked the gender. A boy. “I’m going to name you Alejandro,” I told him, snuggling my nose into his neck.

I felt a paper tucked into his collar and pulled away. I quickly pulled it out, and discovered the cat was also wearing a long necklace.

I gazed at the necklace. The chain was silver and there was a small black heart on it.

I set Alejandro on the bed and uncurled the paper.

I love you.