My Miserable Romance
He's here with me.
The room was dark. I could hear Ray mumble something like "Be quiet". I looked around and saw Mikey and Bob climb up in their bunks. Ray and Frank were already in theirs.
I sighed and felt that claustrophobic feeling grow when I tried to move my arm, but I couldnt, cause the ceiling of my bunk was too close.
I rolled out of my bunk as quietly as possible so that the other guys wouldnt hear me. I can't sleep in here...
I grabbed my pillow, opened the door and headed for the couch, but just as reached it, I tripped and hit my head in the table. I bit myself in the hand so that I wouldnt scream, and it worked. I laid down on the couch, with my head throbbing, and fell asleep.
*
I woke up with someone laying next to me. I just thought it was Mikey, so I tried to fall back to sleep. He does that sometimes, when he feels lonely, or whatever. I felt an arm wrap around me and I smiled. I took his hand in mine. My brother's adorable... Annoying, but so adorable.
Mikey breathed in my neck, and then suddenly moved closer and planted a kiss on my shoulder. I jolted up from the couch. What the hell?! That's was not a brotherly kiss. Mikey would never kiss me on the shoulder!
I looked at the person in the couch, and saw Frank's terrified face stare black at me.
"Im sorry... I just-" he started, but jumped up from the couch and looked at me. "I didnt mean to"
"What are you doing out here? I thought you were asleep in the bedroom" I said confused.
"I was, but then you left and.. I dont know. I saw you lying here... And I didnt know what to do and-" he started breathing heavily.
"Calm down" I said softly and he sat down on the couch.
"I cant breathe" he sobbed and hugged himself.
"Frank, calm down. It's okay" I said and rubbed his back. His breathing slowly got back to normal and he glanced at me.
"Dont be mad at me, Gerard... Please, I dont know what Im doing"
"Im not mad at you. But why did you follow me out here?"
"I think- I think that I've feelings for you"
...
Wait, what?
For how long? Shorter time than me, I know that... But where did he find the courage to tell me?!
I've had these feelings for months without telling a living soul.
"Shit, I shouldnt have told you" he muttered and laid down on the couch. "Just forget what I said"
My ass I will.
"Frank, dont-"
"If you'll say one more word, I promise you, I'll kill myself"
I sighed and laid down next to him.
"Are you gonna sleep here? Oh, I thought you wanted to go back to the bedroom. I'll go" he said and made an attempt to get up from the couch. I didnt talk, cause apperantly, Im not allowed, so I just pulled him down in the couch next to me.
"Gerard, you dont need to do this. I understand if you think that Im sick" he muttered, but I just hugged him tighter.
"Okay, you can talk now"
"Thank you" I said and grinned at him. "For how long did you have these feelings?"
"... Do we have to talk about that? I told you to forget about it."
"Answer my question"
He sighed.
"You know the night when I came over to your place when Lisa dumped me?"
I nodded.
"That was when it all started. I just... Felt something when you comforted me, but I didnt know what it was."
I looked him in the eyes and saw a tear roll down his chin.
"Dont cry, baby..." I said quietly.
"Dont call me baby, Gerard... You have no idea of how much it hurts to hear you say it like we're together"
"If we would be together, can I call you baby then?" I asked and grinned at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I think I have feelings for you too... I know that I have feelings for you" I said and stroke his chin with my hand.
He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes, so I continued.
"I dont know how long for sure, but a few months I think. Didnt you ever notice me staring at you?"
"Uh.. yes, but I thought that was just hallucinations, cause I wanted it so badly and when you actually looked at me, I just told myself that I was imagine it."
"Well, it did happen"
"The guy that Bob's teasing you about... Was that me?" He asked me with big eyes.
"Yes" I said and laughed. "Not Mikey"
"Did Mikey know about your feelings for me? Did anyone?"
"No... I tried to tell him, but I couldnt. Did you tell anyone?"
"Ray... He told you guys that we'd been talking about love-problems, and I was terrified that you were gonna find out"
"That's why I didnt tell Mikey. I thought you were gonna freak out and leave the band or something" I said and smiled at him.
All this time I could've just told him... We could've been together a long time ago.
It doesnt matter now, though. He's here with me.
We laid on the couch in silence. I didnt have anything to say to him, I just wanted to be near him. I hugged him closer and nuzzled up in his neck.
"What does this mean?" He asked, and I jumped up a little by surprise. I thought he was asleep.
"What do you mean?"
"Are we together? Are you my boyfriend? What does all of this mean? I need to know"
"I would be more than happy to be your boyfriend..." I said into his neck. He kissed my forhead kinda shyly.
"Then you're my boyfriend" he stated.
I sighed and felt that claustrophobic feeling grow when I tried to move my arm, but I couldnt, cause the ceiling of my bunk was too close.
I rolled out of my bunk as quietly as possible so that the other guys wouldnt hear me. I can't sleep in here...
I grabbed my pillow, opened the door and headed for the couch, but just as reached it, I tripped and hit my head in the table. I bit myself in the hand so that I wouldnt scream, and it worked. I laid down on the couch, with my head throbbing, and fell asleep.
*
I woke up with someone laying next to me. I just thought it was Mikey, so I tried to fall back to sleep. He does that sometimes, when he feels lonely, or whatever. I felt an arm wrap around me and I smiled. I took his hand in mine. My brother's adorable... Annoying, but so adorable.
Mikey breathed in my neck, and then suddenly moved closer and planted a kiss on my shoulder. I jolted up from the couch. What the hell?! That's was not a brotherly kiss. Mikey would never kiss me on the shoulder!
I looked at the person in the couch, and saw Frank's terrified face stare black at me.
"Im sorry... I just-" he started, but jumped up from the couch and looked at me. "I didnt mean to"
"What are you doing out here? I thought you were asleep in the bedroom" I said confused.
"I was, but then you left and.. I dont know. I saw you lying here... And I didnt know what to do and-" he started breathing heavily.
"Calm down" I said softly and he sat down on the couch.
"I cant breathe" he sobbed and hugged himself.
"Frank, calm down. It's okay" I said and rubbed his back. His breathing slowly got back to normal and he glanced at me.
"Dont be mad at me, Gerard... Please, I dont know what Im doing"
"Im not mad at you. But why did you follow me out here?"
"I think- I think that I've feelings for you"
...
Wait, what?
For how long? Shorter time than me, I know that... But where did he find the courage to tell me?!
I've had these feelings for months without telling a living soul.
"Shit, I shouldnt have told you" he muttered and laid down on the couch. "Just forget what I said"
My ass I will.
"Frank, dont-"
"If you'll say one more word, I promise you, I'll kill myself"
I sighed and laid down next to him.
"Are you gonna sleep here? Oh, I thought you wanted to go back to the bedroom. I'll go" he said and made an attempt to get up from the couch. I didnt talk, cause apperantly, Im not allowed, so I just pulled him down in the couch next to me.
"Gerard, you dont need to do this. I understand if you think that Im sick" he muttered, but I just hugged him tighter.
"Okay, you can talk now"
"Thank you" I said and grinned at him. "For how long did you have these feelings?"
"... Do we have to talk about that? I told you to forget about it."
"Answer my question"
He sighed.
"You know the night when I came over to your place when Lisa dumped me?"
I nodded.
"That was when it all started. I just... Felt something when you comforted me, but I didnt know what it was."
I looked him in the eyes and saw a tear roll down his chin.
"Dont cry, baby..." I said quietly.
"Dont call me baby, Gerard... You have no idea of how much it hurts to hear you say it like we're together"
"If we would be together, can I call you baby then?" I asked and grinned at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I think I have feelings for you too... I know that I have feelings for you" I said and stroke his chin with my hand.
He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes, so I continued.
"I dont know how long for sure, but a few months I think. Didnt you ever notice me staring at you?"
"Uh.. yes, but I thought that was just hallucinations, cause I wanted it so badly and when you actually looked at me, I just told myself that I was imagine it."
"Well, it did happen"
"The guy that Bob's teasing you about... Was that me?" He asked me with big eyes.
"Yes" I said and laughed. "Not Mikey"
"Did Mikey know about your feelings for me? Did anyone?"
"No... I tried to tell him, but I couldnt. Did you tell anyone?"
"Ray... He told you guys that we'd been talking about love-problems, and I was terrified that you were gonna find out"
"That's why I didnt tell Mikey. I thought you were gonna freak out and leave the band or something" I said and smiled at him.
All this time I could've just told him... We could've been together a long time ago.
It doesnt matter now, though. He's here with me.
We laid on the couch in silence. I didnt have anything to say to him, I just wanted to be near him. I hugged him closer and nuzzled up in his neck.
"What does this mean?" He asked, and I jumped up a little by surprise. I thought he was asleep.
"What do you mean?"
"Are we together? Are you my boyfriend? What does all of this mean? I need to know"
"I would be more than happy to be your boyfriend..." I said into his neck. He kissed my forhead kinda shyly.
"Then you're my boyfriend" he stated.