My Miserable Romance
I need alcohol.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see Bob look at me with eyes filled of sympathy.
"He'll get over it"
"Im not sure he will"
"What are you gonna do if he wont?"
"I dont know" I said and felt tears well up in my eyes.
"I'll go and talk to him" Bob said and opened the bedroom door to go, but let out a scream and held his hand over his face. "Mikey, what the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Im sorry, I thought you were Gee"
"You wanted to throw a book at your brother?" Bob asked and walked into the room and closed the door.
"Didnt want him to come in..." I heard Mikey muttered. I sighed. Did I just lose my brother? Why cant he just try and understand? Is it wrong of me to choose Frank over him? Wait, I didnt choose Frank over him! I just thought that I could have both.
I turned to look at Frank and Ray, who were looking at me to see what I would do the next.
"Should I go in there as well?" I asked them both, cause I really didnt know what to do. What would make him hate me even more, stay in here or go into the bedroom?
"I think you should leave him alone for a while..." Ray said and glanced at me. There was a loud bang coming from the bedroom, probably Mikey jamming something into the wall.
"A little help in here!" Bob yelled and Frank got up from the couch to help, but Ray stopped him.
"I dont think Mikey wanna talk to either of you right now, so I'll go" he said and smiled at us. I surpressed a sob and nodded. He's right.
Frank and I were alone and then silence was almost unbearable for me. I wanted Mikey to scream at me, hit be, just show his anger instead of hiding in the bedroom, and still I didnt wanna go in there and confront him.
"You regret it, dont you?" Frank asked silently as we sat down in the couch.
"Screaming at my brother, yes"
"No, being with me"
I didnt answer, and with my silent, I meant that it was such a ridicoulus question that I wont even answer it.
I looked at his said face and realized that he took my silent as a hesitation.
"You're the only reason why I'm not killing myself right now" I said softly.
"You wouldn't have to kill yourself if we werent together, cause then Mikey wouldn't be mad at us"
"It's not our fault that he's being an asshole" I muttered. Frank stroke his hand over my thigh again, but this time I knew it was just to comfort me, not anything else.
"What are we gonna do about this?" I didnt really ask him, I just wanted to say it out loud, cause that question was ringing in my head. Why cant anything be simple? When I wasnt with Frank, I was completely miserable, and I thought that everything would just work out if we would've been together. But of course not. Life's not simple.
"I dont know... I wonder what they're talking about in there" he said and looked at the bedroom door.
"Mikey's probably explaining to Ray and Bob how much he hates me"
Woah. I need alcohol. Right now.
"Just gonna get something to drink" I said to Frank and went into the kitchen. I remembered the champagne bottle that Mikey had got me for my birthday. I opened the fridge and found it at the bottom. Carefully, I opened it as quietly as possible and drank right from the bottle. Even though I wanted something way stronger than champagne, I knew that this was wrong. Frank didnt want me to drink, and it's not good for me. Blah. My brother hates me, that's a good reason. I put the bottle back and took a glass of water to take away the taste of it from my mouth before I sat down next to Frank again. He smiled and I laid my head in his lap.
"I dont wanna lose you" I said and looked up at him. He stroke my lips with his fingers and laughed when I stuck my tounge out.
"You wont"
The door opened and I jumped away from Frank, but he pulled me back down and shook his head at me. I saw Mikey staring at us from the door without moving, so Ray and Bob pushed him forward.
"Have you come to apologize?" I asked him, still with my head in Franks lap.
"Not really" he spat out before he sat down in one of the armchairs.
"You want me to?"
"That would be great, but I doubt you will" he said. I looked at Ray and Bob who were standing in the background, watching us argue.
"Damn right" I muttered and sat up, still close to Frank. I dont know why, but I wanted Mikey to get mad. I just wanted him to scream at me. "Are you gonna be okay with this.. I mean, ever?"
"No. Maybe"
I sighed without taking my eyes off of him. I can't believe that of all the persons that I feared to tell, he's the only one that is really against this.
"You want me to choose between you and Frankie?"
"Between Frank and the band"
"Oh Im sorry..." I said sarcasticly and turned to Ray and Bob. "Are you okay with this?" They nodded, so I turned to Frank. "And how about you?" he nodded as well. "And Im okay with it. Looks like the band is fine with it. Wich leaves you alone with your opinion"
"You two" Mikey said and glared at Frank and me. "Will ruin everything. You all know it, but you're just too naiv to actually think about it"
"So you're saying that I wont be able to stay professional even if Frank and I will break up?"
"Do you even need to ask that question, Gerard?"
"You do not talk to him like that" Frank said slowly, with his voice shaking in anger. "He's your brother, why are you making such a big deal about this?"
"Cause you're fucking my brother like a cheap slut!"
"Hey!" I yelled and jumped up from the couch.
"Im sorry, I take that back" Mikey muttered while I glared at him and sat back down.
"What's this got to do with you anyway?" I asked, willing to let his insult pass.
"It got something to do with you, and things that involves you, involves me!"
"You know what, that's enough. You two, in there" Bob shouted to Frank and me and pointed at the bedroom. "And you're staying here" he said and looked at Mikey.
"...Let those to be alone in the bedroom, great idea" Mikey mumbled.
"We havent done anything wrong, so why shouldnt we be together?" Frank asked.
"Nothing wrong? Is that why you're fucking my brother?!" Mikey yelled and made an attempt to run up to him. I quickly stood up infront if Frank to protect him from my insane brother.
"Im not fucking your brother, you dickhead" Frank snarled and pushed me away from him to look at Mikey.
"Oh really?" Mikey said and smirked.
"Get in!" Ray yelled and pushed me and Frank into the bedroom. "I cant stand you three fighting."
Bob closed the door and I looked at Frank, who was breathing heavily with anger.
"Dont let him get to you" I said and hugged him. He didnt hug back, so I let him go and frowned.
"Dont look so sad" he said and cupped his hand under my chin. "I'm just too mad to hug you. I would probably just had taken out my anger on you and squeezed you to death"
"A good way to die though" I said and smiled at him.
"You know what?" He asked and grinned at me.
"No?"
"I wanna know everything about you!" he laughed and sat down in one of the bottom bunks. "Like... What's your favorite color?"
"Red, yours?"
"Waah! Red too! Oh my gosh!" he said and acted all hyper. At least he's happy. Hyper, but happy.
"Cat or dog?" I asked.
"Dog"
"Noo! You should've said cat!"
He laughed and shook his head.
"My dog can beat the fuck out of your cat"
"You wish.. My cat's like a killer machine" I said and rolled my eyes.
"You dont have a cat"
"You dont have a dog"
"Dammit. Oh well... What's hotter, guitarist or bassist?"
"Considering the circumstances, I'll say guitarist" I said and grinned at him.
"Oh, so bassists are better than guitarist when you're not fighting with Mikey?"
"... You're right, guitarists are always better"
"Good boy" he said and took my hand in his. I leaned over and kissed him just as the bedroom door opened.
"Get off of my bed" Mikey yelled, making me and Frank jump up by surprise. We sat down in my bed instead and looked at Mikey when he laid down in his bed, back turned to us.
"Got any shows today?" I asked Mikey, wanting him to talk instead of ignoring me.
"Yeah"
I smiled, happy that he at least were talking to me.
"When?"
"Why dont you go and ask Toro? He's got the whole schedule" He snarled at me, still with his face turned to the wall.
"Cause Im asking you"
"I dont know when it is"
"Okay, I'll go and ask Toro" I said and sighed. Frank were already out of the room, probably wanting to avoid Mikey. "I love you, you know" I added and looked at my brothers back. He didnt respond, so I decided to stay instead of leaving him. He needs me right now, even if he doesnt wanna talk to me.
"We're not doing this just to piss you off" I said and it really felt like talking to a wall. He just laid there, probably listening to every word I said, but made no sign of answering me. "Are you really that scared that Frank or Im gonna leave the band? We wont, I can promise you that. Even if he'll cheat on me with some whore *cough*Lisa*cough* I'll still work with him, and even if you dont believe me, I can promise you that that is what's gonna happen. I wont let you down, and Im sure that Frank wont either"
I sat down on the edge of his bed, and when he felt it, he just moved closer into the bunk. I put my hand on his leg and he laid still for one second, but then he shot out his leg and kicked me. I leaned over and gasped for air, as his heel was jammed into my stomach.
"Get away from me" He hissed, still not looking at me. I nodded, unable to talk, but realized that he couldnt see me. Mikey finally turned around to look at me when I didnt respond to his comment.
"What's wrong? You got stomach ache?" he asked confused when he saw me holding my arms crossed over my stomach, still panting for air.
"Your foot... You fucking twat" I whispered.
"I kicked you?"
"Yeah, smartass" I said, finally able to breathe normally. "You need to control your anger"
For one second I thought he was gonna smile, but he simply turned away from me again.
"I wanna be alone. Why cant you go and fuck my best friend?" He asked and I looked at him. I thought he was gonna talk to me, but no, he just turned away from me. He didnt even say he was sorry for kicking me! Asshole.
"Im not fu-"
"I dont wanna hear about your lovelife, especially not the one you have with Frank"
"But we're not-"
"I dont care if you're fucking him, abusing him or just hugging him, I dont wanna hear it"
I sighed, walked up to the door and opened it. I was just about to walk out, when I closed the door again and sneaked over and sat down on my own bed. He thought that I had left the room, cause he started sobbing the second he heard the door close. I just wanted to run up to him, lay down next to him and hug him, but if he knew that I were in the same room, he would just be pissed. I sat on my bed, just looking at his shaking body. He was crying silently now, and I couldnt stand it. I walked up to the door, and as quietly as possible, I opened it and stepped out to the other guys.
"He'll get over it"
"Im not sure he will"
"What are you gonna do if he wont?"
"I dont know" I said and felt tears well up in my eyes.
"I'll go and talk to him" Bob said and opened the bedroom door to go, but let out a scream and held his hand over his face. "Mikey, what the hell is wrong with you?!"
"Im sorry, I thought you were Gee"
"You wanted to throw a book at your brother?" Bob asked and walked into the room and closed the door.
"Didnt want him to come in..." I heard Mikey muttered. I sighed. Did I just lose my brother? Why cant he just try and understand? Is it wrong of me to choose Frank over him? Wait, I didnt choose Frank over him! I just thought that I could have both.
I turned to look at Frank and Ray, who were looking at me to see what I would do the next.
"Should I go in there as well?" I asked them both, cause I really didnt know what to do. What would make him hate me even more, stay in here or go into the bedroom?
"I think you should leave him alone for a while..." Ray said and glanced at me. There was a loud bang coming from the bedroom, probably Mikey jamming something into the wall.
"A little help in here!" Bob yelled and Frank got up from the couch to help, but Ray stopped him.
"I dont think Mikey wanna talk to either of you right now, so I'll go" he said and smiled at us. I surpressed a sob and nodded. He's right.
Frank and I were alone and then silence was almost unbearable for me. I wanted Mikey to scream at me, hit be, just show his anger instead of hiding in the bedroom, and still I didnt wanna go in there and confront him.
"You regret it, dont you?" Frank asked silently as we sat down in the couch.
"Screaming at my brother, yes"
"No, being with me"
I didnt answer, and with my silent, I meant that it was such a ridicoulus question that I wont even answer it.
I looked at his said face and realized that he took my silent as a hesitation.
"You're the only reason why I'm not killing myself right now" I said softly.
"You wouldn't have to kill yourself if we werent together, cause then Mikey wouldn't be mad at us"
"It's not our fault that he's being an asshole" I muttered. Frank stroke his hand over my thigh again, but this time I knew it was just to comfort me, not anything else.
"What are we gonna do about this?" I didnt really ask him, I just wanted to say it out loud, cause that question was ringing in my head. Why cant anything be simple? When I wasnt with Frank, I was completely miserable, and I thought that everything would just work out if we would've been together. But of course not. Life's not simple.
"I dont know... I wonder what they're talking about in there" he said and looked at the bedroom door.
"Mikey's probably explaining to Ray and Bob how much he hates me"
Woah. I need alcohol. Right now.
"Just gonna get something to drink" I said to Frank and went into the kitchen. I remembered the champagne bottle that Mikey had got me for my birthday. I opened the fridge and found it at the bottom. Carefully, I opened it as quietly as possible and drank right from the bottle. Even though I wanted something way stronger than champagne, I knew that this was wrong. Frank didnt want me to drink, and it's not good for me. Blah. My brother hates me, that's a good reason. I put the bottle back and took a glass of water to take away the taste of it from my mouth before I sat down next to Frank again. He smiled and I laid my head in his lap.
"I dont wanna lose you" I said and looked up at him. He stroke my lips with his fingers and laughed when I stuck my tounge out.
"You wont"
The door opened and I jumped away from Frank, but he pulled me back down and shook his head at me. I saw Mikey staring at us from the door without moving, so Ray and Bob pushed him forward.
"Have you come to apologize?" I asked him, still with my head in Franks lap.
"Not really" he spat out before he sat down in one of the armchairs.
"You want me to?"
"That would be great, but I doubt you will" he said. I looked at Ray and Bob who were standing in the background, watching us argue.
"Damn right" I muttered and sat up, still close to Frank. I dont know why, but I wanted Mikey to get mad. I just wanted him to scream at me. "Are you gonna be okay with this.. I mean, ever?"
"No. Maybe"
I sighed without taking my eyes off of him. I can't believe that of all the persons that I feared to tell, he's the only one that is really against this.
"You want me to choose between you and Frankie?"
"Between Frank and the band"
"Oh Im sorry..." I said sarcasticly and turned to Ray and Bob. "Are you okay with this?" They nodded, so I turned to Frank. "And how about you?" he nodded as well. "And Im okay with it. Looks like the band is fine with it. Wich leaves you alone with your opinion"
"You two" Mikey said and glared at Frank and me. "Will ruin everything. You all know it, but you're just too naiv to actually think about it"
"So you're saying that I wont be able to stay professional even if Frank and I will break up?"
"Do you even need to ask that question, Gerard?"
"You do not talk to him like that" Frank said slowly, with his voice shaking in anger. "He's your brother, why are you making such a big deal about this?"
"Cause you're fucking my brother like a cheap slut!"
"Hey!" I yelled and jumped up from the couch.
"Im sorry, I take that back" Mikey muttered while I glared at him and sat back down.
"What's this got to do with you anyway?" I asked, willing to let his insult pass.
"It got something to do with you, and things that involves you, involves me!"
"You know what, that's enough. You two, in there" Bob shouted to Frank and me and pointed at the bedroom. "And you're staying here" he said and looked at Mikey.
"...Let those to be alone in the bedroom, great idea" Mikey mumbled.
"We havent done anything wrong, so why shouldnt we be together?" Frank asked.
"Nothing wrong? Is that why you're fucking my brother?!" Mikey yelled and made an attempt to run up to him. I quickly stood up infront if Frank to protect him from my insane brother.
"Im not fucking your brother, you dickhead" Frank snarled and pushed me away from him to look at Mikey.
"Oh really?" Mikey said and smirked.
"Get in!" Ray yelled and pushed me and Frank into the bedroom. "I cant stand you three fighting."
Bob closed the door and I looked at Frank, who was breathing heavily with anger.
"Dont let him get to you" I said and hugged him. He didnt hug back, so I let him go and frowned.
"Dont look so sad" he said and cupped his hand under my chin. "I'm just too mad to hug you. I would probably just had taken out my anger on you and squeezed you to death"
"A good way to die though" I said and smiled at him.
"You know what?" He asked and grinned at me.
"No?"
"I wanna know everything about you!" he laughed and sat down in one of the bottom bunks. "Like... What's your favorite color?"
"Red, yours?"
"Waah! Red too! Oh my gosh!" he said and acted all hyper. At least he's happy. Hyper, but happy.
"Cat or dog?" I asked.
"Dog"
"Noo! You should've said cat!"
He laughed and shook his head.
"My dog can beat the fuck out of your cat"
"You wish.. My cat's like a killer machine" I said and rolled my eyes.
"You dont have a cat"
"You dont have a dog"
"Dammit. Oh well... What's hotter, guitarist or bassist?"
"Considering the circumstances, I'll say guitarist" I said and grinned at him.
"Oh, so bassists are better than guitarist when you're not fighting with Mikey?"
"... You're right, guitarists are always better"
"Good boy" he said and took my hand in his. I leaned over and kissed him just as the bedroom door opened.
"Get off of my bed" Mikey yelled, making me and Frank jump up by surprise. We sat down in my bed instead and looked at Mikey when he laid down in his bed, back turned to us.
"Got any shows today?" I asked Mikey, wanting him to talk instead of ignoring me.
"Yeah"
I smiled, happy that he at least were talking to me.
"When?"
"Why dont you go and ask Toro? He's got the whole schedule" He snarled at me, still with his face turned to the wall.
"Cause Im asking you"
"I dont know when it is"
"Okay, I'll go and ask Toro" I said and sighed. Frank were already out of the room, probably wanting to avoid Mikey. "I love you, you know" I added and looked at my brothers back. He didnt respond, so I decided to stay instead of leaving him. He needs me right now, even if he doesnt wanna talk to me.
"We're not doing this just to piss you off" I said and it really felt like talking to a wall. He just laid there, probably listening to every word I said, but made no sign of answering me. "Are you really that scared that Frank or Im gonna leave the band? We wont, I can promise you that. Even if he'll cheat on me with some whore *cough*Lisa*cough* I'll still work with him, and even if you dont believe me, I can promise you that that is what's gonna happen. I wont let you down, and Im sure that Frank wont either"
I sat down on the edge of his bed, and when he felt it, he just moved closer into the bunk. I put my hand on his leg and he laid still for one second, but then he shot out his leg and kicked me. I leaned over and gasped for air, as his heel was jammed into my stomach.
"Get away from me" He hissed, still not looking at me. I nodded, unable to talk, but realized that he couldnt see me. Mikey finally turned around to look at me when I didnt respond to his comment.
"What's wrong? You got stomach ache?" he asked confused when he saw me holding my arms crossed over my stomach, still panting for air.
"Your foot... You fucking twat" I whispered.
"I kicked you?"
"Yeah, smartass" I said, finally able to breathe normally. "You need to control your anger"
For one second I thought he was gonna smile, but he simply turned away from me again.
"I wanna be alone. Why cant you go and fuck my best friend?" He asked and I looked at him. I thought he was gonna talk to me, but no, he just turned away from me. He didnt even say he was sorry for kicking me! Asshole.
"Im not fu-"
"I dont wanna hear about your lovelife, especially not the one you have with Frank"
"But we're not-"
"I dont care if you're fucking him, abusing him or just hugging him, I dont wanna hear it"
I sighed, walked up to the door and opened it. I was just about to walk out, when I closed the door again and sneaked over and sat down on my own bed. He thought that I had left the room, cause he started sobbing the second he heard the door close. I just wanted to run up to him, lay down next to him and hug him, but if he knew that I were in the same room, he would just be pissed. I sat on my bed, just looking at his shaking body. He was crying silently now, and I couldnt stand it. I walked up to the door, and as quietly as possible, I opened it and stepped out to the other guys.