Landfill

Ryan led me away up the stairs. I stumbled behind him, his hand tightly clasped around my smaller one. At the top of the stairs, he stopped and pulled me close to him. I could smell the beer and some of the cigarette smoke from someone. I looked at Ryan, my buzz and drunken haze faded, with the heat growing to my cheeks.

I licked my bottom lip over, leaving it between my lips as we stared at one another. "Can I kiss you, Nick?" He asked softly, almost shyly.

I nodded very slowly. I wasn't too sure, but I wanted him nonetheless. I waited a second as his face got closer to mine and his lips caught mine. Almost immediately, his hands planted firmly on my waist and pulled my closer to him. My hands moved up his chest and to his neck and jaw, where my hands took hold.

Ryan started to move, stirring me down this narrow hall. His back entered some empty bedroom and he pulled me in; our lips smacked as we parted. Ryan stared again, and then moved towards the door; his hands move away as well. He shut the door, and then came back to me, hands on my bottom now, pulling me against his body again.

He moved me back against a bed, finally connecting our mouths, lips hard against the other. I froze the moment I felt his tongue on the inside of my mouth. He pulled back, "That was okay, wasn't it?" He asked softly.

I noticed the room was dim. It was a male's room with old rock posters and array of different musical equipment. I nodded, turning my attention onto Ryan, "Yes." I finally managed to say.

Ryan kissed me again, this time I continued to breathe easily through my nose as his tongue met mine. I let his hands move under the back of my shirt, where he felt my skin. I was nervous, but eased into the overwhelming warmth and comfort I was beginning to feel.

Ryan pulled back and looked down at me. I watched him, waiting for whatever he was going to try next. He swallowed, throat bobbing in the dim light, "I really like you, Nikki." He whispered.

The music from downstairs wasn't too loud up here. The ceiling thumped, but I could hear Ryan's soft breathing. I didn't know how to respond to him, so I just listened.

"Don't you like me?" He asked softly.

I nodded, "Of course I do." I replied.

"Then why do you rebuff me?" He asked quizzically.

I wasn't sure as to what he meant. Or maybe I did. I didn't want to face it or try and answer him, perhaps. I just looked at the blank look on his face and shrugged. Ryan gave a small sigh, "I want to be with you, Nicole." He whispered.

I wanted to pretend I didn't hear him. I wished the music was louder so I could just say I didn't hear him. A small "what?" was waiting on the back of my tongue. I couldn't do that, then, I just sighed and looked at the ceiling before saying; "I'm not that great. I'm not like those other girls. I'm not pretty and I'm not smart. I'm like a little ghost with no ending or beginning."

Ryan sighed, too, rolling off of me, but keeping a hand beneath my bare back. I felt his eyes on me as I stared the ceiling without looking back at him.

"I should take you home, honey," Ryan said softly, "Get you some food and tea..."

I looked at him finally, "That sounds nice."

Ryan chuckled, making the room fill of ease. He stood up, lending out his large hand, "C'mon."


Ryan's hands were shoved into his jeans pockets, while mine swung at my side. We had left Lisa and Elaine to catch a cab to their homes and we went to find some tacos. We were both sobering up, midnight arrived quicker than we had thought, and finding a place to eat was an adventure in itself.

We finally found a taco truck, opened near the apartment and we quickly order. The two of us not saying a word throughout the walk and orders. We sat at a small bench, awaiting our food; the silence grew, Ryan's eyes were on me again. I jumped slightly when I felt his hand enclose around mine. I looked at him, his eyes met mine with this look of some little happiness sparked in them.

"Ryan and Nikki!" A cook called as our stare ended.

Ryan stood first, still holding my hand; I stood too, following his lead towards the truck with our hands together. I was unsure of what this meant, but it felt nice.

It felt more than nice... It felt like two puzzle pieces connecting correctly. As if I had found the best fitting pair of jeans. It was this feeling I truly cannot describe as accurately as I should.

I tried to figure it out in my head as we walked to the apartment, still in silence. Ryan had the food while I busied myself with opening the door. In the apartment, we moved quietly, our hands parting as we entered the kitchen.

I pulled my flats off, Ryan placed the food on the counter and then began to fill the tea kettle. I watched him with a small smile; "Why do you take care of me?" I asked.

Ryan didn't look at me as he started the electric stove, "Because you need it." He spoke very nonchalantly. As if he's meant to do this.

"But, why bother yourself?"

"Because I like you, Nikki. A lot." He answered swiftly. "Now, go get comfortable, got sit on that sofa and find something decent to watch while I work."

I smiled wider, "You're something else, you know that, Ryan?"

He looked over at me and winked, his hands moving to the cabinet, "Yep. Now, get your ass movin'."

I did as Ryan said, moving to my bedroom to undress into pajamas. All the while, I could hear him humming; another song I didn't know. I returned, quietly listening to him hum; I went to the couch, flipping on the TV as the kettle screamed. Ryan managed all right without me, coming in with the tacos and two cups of tea; "I'm gonna change," he said, "Go ahead and eat."

"I'll wait for you." I said softly.

Ryan shook his head, "Just eat, I won't take long."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, sir."

He chuckled, "Just eat."

I smiled childishly as he walked away, laughing to himself. I sat with my legs crossed, waiting for Ryan. "I don't hear you eating, Nicole!" He called out.

"I am!" I giggled to myself.

"Woman, if I have to force feed you..." He trailed off with a small chuckle.

"I'm gonna eat, chill." I murmured, grabbing the bag.

Ryan returned just as I began to eat my first taco. He had a throw blanket with him, and he set it beside me as he bypassed the couch to get to the sliding door out to the patio. He opened it, and then came back to the couch; "What's that for?" I asked him.

"It's cool tonight," he said as he sat beside me, pulling the throw over our laps, "It'll be nice to feel a breeze."

I shook my head, "Wild."

"What's wild about it?"

"I dunno," I replied lazily, "I've never met a guy like you before."

"Hmm," he hummed quietly, "Is that a good thing?"

"Yes."

"Good." Ryan murmured, "Now, pass the food."

I'm definitely baffled by Ryan's demeanor and attitude. It was taking me in a whirlwind of sickly emotions. I like him too much for my own good.