Landfill

Shane entered the bathroom as I was rinsing my mouth; he didn't come in while I was puking, because I had told him before I didn't want him to see me do that. He leaned against the large sink and looked at me; I groaned softly; "What happened?"

"I ate too many cupcakes."

He laughed, "Jesus, Nick."

"I got hungry." I mumbled and turned the faucet off.

"Did you need to eat cupcakes?"

"I already ate like 6 bananas."

He laughed and pulled me into a hug; I buried my face against his collar; "Why were you so hungry?"

"I was anxious." I explained, "You know I get hungry when I'm nervous and anxious."

He hummed softly, "Yeah, I do. Do you feel better or do you still need to puke?"

"I think I need to puke." I muttered and released him.

Shane let me go and let me kneel over the toilet. He knelt too, holding my hair back; "I know you don't want me to see you like this, but you need me."

I didn't even care then; I just felt so sick and I wanted Shane with me. I threw up until I couldn't anymore; my head swirled and my knees knocked as Shane helped me up.

"You okay now?" He asked.

I nodded, "I need to go upstairs to brush my teeth."

Shane picked me up bridal style, much to my dismay, and began to carry me out the bathroom, down the hall and then up the stairs. I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling my damp face against his neck, "I'm so glad you're here."

He kissed my cheek, "Me too."

Once we got to my room, he continued on to my bathroom; he settled me on my feet, and then leaned against the counter as I began to brush my teeth. Shane watched me, and a few times my eyes would flick over to him and I felt butterflies in my stomach. After so long, he made me feel like I was a girl with a crush.

I suddenly thought of Ryan and spat out the toothpaste. I thought about all the things we had done, how much I had been so in love with Ryan and how he gave me butterflies by just looking at him. Turning the faucet off, I hanged my head and began to cry.

Almost immediately, Shane wrapped his arms around me and let me bury my face against his chest. I cried, my palms balling up his shirt, and muttered words he couldn't hear; "He broke my heart. He broke my heart."

Shane kissed the top of my head and picked me up again; I buried my face against his shoulder. His steps were short and careful; then he sat on my bed, rocking me; "It's okay, Nick." He murmured.

I pulled away from his shoulder and shook my head vigorously, "No it's not! No it's not! He broke my heart and--and I--"I broke down again and held Shane tightly.

Shane did not falter in holding me back. He hugged me and rubbed my back, kissing my head, too. He didn't say anything, he just did what I had wanted him to do.


I hadn't even remember falling asleep; I woke up with my lights dimmed and under the covers of my bed. I smiled when I saw Shane lying beside me, sleeping; he slept as always; mouth opened slightly and his snoring getting a bit loud. He and I were too far apart, so I scooted closer and nuzzled up to him.

I was acting like Jimmy.

"Nikki," he said my name softly; I frowned, upset that I woke him. "You alright, babe?"

"I dunno." I murmured. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's fine; I've been waitin' for you to wake up." He kissed my forehead and then wrapped his arms around me. "Do you wanna tell me what happened now? I didn't get what you said."

I licked over my lips before explaining; "Ryan isn't dead. He faked it; he faked his death, Shane. I saw him, I talked to him and...and I couldn't believe it."

"What did he say?" Shane didn't seem to doubt me like my parents had.

"He said he was sorry and that he could explain." I felt myself tearing up again, "I couldn't stand there and hear it...he fuckin' ruined me--"

Shane cut me off, "He didn't ruin you, he just put you through the worst years of your life. You met me and I don't think you're ruined, Nick."

I began to cry a bit, "I love you."

He smiled, rubbing away my tears from my cheeks, "I love you, too."

I swallowed and looked at him, "Do you...do you think I should talk to him?"

Shane shrugged, "If you want, Nick...I'm not sure what I would do."

"I hate him." I mumbled defiantly.

"You hate what he did." Shane countered, "You don't hate him."

"Why would he do that to me, though? I was nothing but good to him...I was so blindsided by love, I just didn't see any of it coming."

Shane scooted closer, shifting comfortably, "Well, then I think you should talk to him then. Ask him why he did what he did, get it out of your head, Nick."

I inhaled through my nose and then exhaled, "I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because I don't want to see him. I thought he was dead for 5 fuckin' years and all I had left of him was the last moments, when I thought he was dying."

"Nikki, I think that you should do it; talk to him, close this chapter of your life."

I thought about it; the thought made my stomach turn, flip flop. I exhaled softly, "Okay, if you think so."

"You don't have to do it because I think you should, Nick."

"No, no, I mean I should. You just gave me the small push."

He chuckled, "Alright, babe."

I nuzzled my face against his neck and wrapped my arms around his neck, "I love you so much, Shane."

He rubbed my back, "I love you more."

I just smiled and kissed his neck.