Disasterology

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar room. The bed was empty except for me and I was still naked.
A huge smile tugged on my lips as last night played through my head. I got up from the bed and slipped on my boxers and a t-shirt before I left the room.

“Good, you’re awake. Although…you might want to put some more clothes on. We’re going hiking soon.”
Andy looked at me and snickered at Tony’s comment.

I stuck my tongue out at both of them before I walked back into the room and put on some pants. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, then I slipped on my Vans and grabbed my beanie and my jacket, running back into the living room.

“Where’s everyone else?” “They’re already waiting outside.”
“Okay. When exactly were you guys planning to wake me up?” They both shrugged their shoulders.
“Thanks a lot guys…”

We all walked outside and met up with everyone else.

“Okay, before we go…do you have the camera this time, Jaime?!” “Yes, Mike! I told you that I had it at least six times now!” “Just making sure.”

Soon, we all started off on our hike.
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Kellin was so distant again…
He barely said a word to anyone all day and I’m starting to get worried again. I tried to talk to him, but all I got were hums in response, and he wouldn’t look at me.

Did I do something wrong last night…? Maybe I should talk to him about it…

I walked to our room and was about to enter, until I heard Oliver’s voice come from the room, along with Kellin’s.
What were they talking about…?
I pressed my ear against the door and tried to make out what they were saying.

“What was it that you needed to talk to me about, Kellin?”
“It’s…it’s about Vic. You seem so laid back and calm, so I thought I could talk to you about this…it’s just…this whole time I’ve felt so guilty…”

Guilty…? Guilty about what…?

“What’s going on?”
Kellin sighed.

“This whole time…I kissed him and slept with him out of pity…!”

W-what..?

“What the hell, Kellin?! Why would you do that?!”

“It’s just…he seemed so broken and desperate, I couldn’t help but pity him. I know he misses the old me to oblivion, and I just wanted to help him…but…how am I supposed to love a stranger like that? It’s not as easy as it sounds. I just don’t have feelings for him like that anymore…”

I let out a strangled sob as I covered my mouth with both of my hands, tears streaming down my face.
My heart ached and I felt sick to my stomach.

I just feel so used…so worthless…

“Vic!”
Mike’s voice scared me.

“Wherever you are, can you tell Kellin and Oliver that it’s time to eat dinner?”
I wiped the tears away and took a couple of breaths.

I opened the door and faked the best smile I could. “Mike says that dinner is ready.”
“We’ll be down soon.” I nodded and closed the door.

My smile disappeared quickly as I walked to the kitchen.
I have no reason to smile…I have no reason to be happy…

Betrayed…betrayed by my whole world…
But…all of it was my fault in the first place…

Maybe…it’s for the best…

Maybe…I should—

“Vic? Are you okay? You look like you’re having World War III inside your head again…” Mike placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m fine.” “You sure…?”
I faked another smile and nodded. He didn’t seem too convinced, but he decided to leave it alone.

“Well, here.” He was about to hand me a plate of Paella, but I pushed it away.

“I’m not hungry.” Mike gave me a shocked look.
“What’s going on, Vic? You would eat two plates of Paella in a heartbeat!”

“I’m just not hungry. I’m going to take a nap.” “Um…okay. We’re going down to the lake again after dinner. You should come when you wake up, okay?”
I sighed. “Okay.”

I pulled him into a hug. “I love you, mi hermano menor.”
“Love you too, mi hermano mayor.”

Kellin and Oliver just came downstairs.
I glanced at Kellin and gave him a small smile before I walked upstairs to our room. I crawled onto the bed and rested my head on the pillow, shutting my eyes.

I’ve made my decision.
-------

I opened my eyes again, and sat up. I was only asleep for about an hour, so the guys should still be out.

Good…I don’t want them to see this.

I got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom. Mike should still have his sleeping pills in here somewhere. I searched through the cabinet and smiled in satisfaction when I found them.

Eight pills should do it, right?

I poured the pills in my hand and popped them in my mouth on the spot.

Soon, I collapsed to the floor with the pill bottle still in my limp hand, causing pills to spill all over the floor.

I just didn’t care anymore…

♪ I don’t want to feel a thing anymore. ♪
I felt my body go numb…this is it…I’m getting close…

♪ I’m sick of begging for the things that I want. ♪
I closed my eyes and let the darkness engulf me…

♪ Dying is a gift, so close your eyes and rest in peace. ♪