Disasterology

I sat on the edge of the hill, taking comfort in the ocean breeze, and let my mind wander.

How could I have said those things to him…How could I have hurt him like that…? How could I have been such a heartless, inconsiderate monster…?!

Face it, Vic. He’s better off without you. Everyone is better off without me.
Mike has Tony and Jaime. Andy has Oliver. Kellin can move on and find someone else.

I leaned back until I was lying on the ground, staring at the different shades of the sunset sky.

I miss when Kellin and I used to lie out here, our hands intertwined as we watched the sunset.

Then, my mind wandered to our first date here, when we shared our first kiss. Then to the time when I gave him the Promise ring. Then to the time when we made love on the beach. He told me how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me.

I shook my head.

If anyone, I was the one lucky to have Kellin.

My phone rang in my pocket, causing me to groan in annoyance.
I took it out and flipped it open.

“Hello?” “Vic…?”
My heart skipped a beat as Kellin’s sweet voice passed through the speaker of the phone.

“Where are you…? It’s been six hours since you left.”

I sighed. “I’m not far…”

“Can you please come home…? We need to talk…”
“All I can say is that I’m sorry, Kellin…There’s nothing else to talk about…”

“Why are you always so stubborn?! Just come home…! Please…”
I heard him sniffle a little. He had been crying.

He’s hurting, and it’s my fault.

“I’ll be home in about thirty minutes…”

I hung up the phone before he could say anything else.

Tomorrow night…I’ll give myself until tomorrow night…
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I pushed the key into the lock and unlocked the door, opening it so I could walk inside.
I placed the key on the table and walked upstairs to our room.

Kellin was asleep, cuddling Mr. Stuffykins in his arms again.

I looked at the clock. 11:43 P.M.

I sighed and stripped down until I was only in my boxers.
I stood there and debated if I should get into the bed or not…

Screw it…

I got under the covers and turned myself so that I was facing away from Kellin. I was about to doze off until I felt two arms wrap around me, along with a warm presence against my back.

“Vic…talk to me…please…”

I bit down on my lip and shook my head.

Talking is what screwed everything up in the first place…

He sat up and crawled over so that he was lying on top of me. He was only in his boxers too.

“Why won’t you say anything…?”
He was playing with a lock of my hair, twisting it around his fingers.

I still didn’t say anything.

He sighed and placed his lips on mine for a gentle kiss.
He tasted of mint and alcohol.

“You’ve been drinking…”

“I just needed something to calm me down…I didn’t even drink that much…”
He pressed his lips against mine again.

I growled slightly and rolled us over so that I was on top.

He’s like a drug…no matter how guilty I feel for taking it…I can’t help but come back for more.

Small kisses on the lips progressed into a deep heated meshing of tongues, and then soon turned into love bites and hickeys on his neck, trailing down to his stomach then stopping at his hips.

I shouldn’t do this…I’ll only end up hurting him again…

“V-Vic…please…don’t stop…”
I placed a small kiss on his hipbone before I brought my lips back to his.

“I think we should stop, Kellin…it’s for the best.”
He shook his head and stared at me with those pleading blue orbs of his.

His hands traveled down to the small of my back and rubbed gently. I tried my best to bite back a moan, but it didn’t work so well.

He had me right where he wanted me.

I gave in and kissed him again as I slid my hands to the waist band of his boxers.

It’s just for tonight…since I only have until tomorrow night.