Beneath Your Perfect

“Liam?” I called out cautiously as I opened his door with the spare key. His apartment was quiet and dark. I walked over and turned some lights on. Frowning I moved my way through the apartment. I had thought he said he would be home.

I glanced in the first few doors before lastly looking into Liam’s room. I smiled softly as I saw him still sprawled out across his bed. The blanket only covered his lower half while his left leg hung off the edge of the bed. His mouth hung open with a tiny bit of drool collecting underneath it.

I smiled largely at the picture it created. He looked like an innocent careless boy. It was almost too peaceful to wake him up. But it was just past lunchtime and I knew he should be waking up.

“Liam.” I said softly reaching up to touch his shoulder. There were no reactions.

“Hey Liam.” I said again, shaking him this time. He mumbled a few words before shuffling slightly. His eyes eventually began to flutter slowly before he pulled them open, blinking numerous times. “It’s past midday.”

He groaned and closed his eyes before his hands reached out to grab my hands and pull me down next to him. A blush crept up my face as I landed on top of his bare chest.

“Liam.” I whined trying to pull away. He chuckled softly before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my whole body against his side.

“I don’t want to get up.” He huskily whispered into my ear. His voice rough and unused from sleeping.

“Well too bad.” I muttered childishly, attempting to wriggle out of his arms.

“Stop squirming.” He complained pulling me impossible tighter before nestling his nose into my neck and taking a deep breath.

“Did you just smell me?” I asked him incredulously before breaking out into laughter. I could feel his lips smile against my neck.

“You smell nice.” He mumbled, nuzzling his nose against my neck again before trailing it up further to my ear. I smiled at the warmness of his body pressed against mine.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked him softly.

“It would have been better if you were here.” He responded softly. I rolled my eyes and lightly slapped the arm that was wrapped around my waist.

“Do those lines work on all the girls?” I joked with him. His head suddenly pulled back as he looked into my eyes.

“There are no other girls.” He said harshly. My eyes widened at the change in his tone.

“Liam it was just a joke. I don’t think there are other girls.” I reassured him quickly. His eyes softened slightly as he studied my face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought…” He frowned before resting his head back on the pillow.

“I trust you.” I told him, turning my head to look at him properly. He smiled softly at me. I couldn’t resist as my hand reached up and lightly brushed across his cheek before travelling towards his eyebrows, across his nose and back to his lips. Liam watched me as I watched my finger slowly trace his face.

“We should get up.” I said to him softly. He groaned and pouted at me.

“How about we stay in here for a bit longer and then I’ll take you out for dinner tonight?” Liam offered pleadingly.

“Like a date?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow as my heart thudded in hope. Liam cracked a smile and nodded.

“Yes like a date. Please.” His eyes shone brightly as he watched me decide.

“Fine. I guess we can stay in here a bit longer. Your bed is comfy.” I admitted, snuggling myself further into the bed and under the blankets. He sent me a reproachful look and pulled me against his body again.

“I would hope you are staying in here for me and not because you think my bed is comfy.” He told me, his tone serious but I could see the laughter in his eyes. I shrugged up at him.

“Whatever helps you sleep.” I told him smirking before pressing a small kiss to the corner of his jaw.

-

“This place is beautiful Liam. But you know we didn’t have to go somewhere so fancy.” I told him glancing around at the quiet restaurant with live classical music playing from the corner.

“I wanted to treat you.” He responded.

“Yeah but, I don’t even know hot to use the cutlery.” I said doubtfully, glancing down at the table in front of me. Lima chuckled at my confession.

“You start from the outside and work your way in.” He enlightened me. “I’m sorry we could go somewhere else.”

“Oh not it’s okay.” I said quickly not wanting Liam to think I was ungrateful; he had tried to impress me. “I’m sorry, I’m just not exactly in my comfort zone.”

“Just forget about everyone else that’s here.” Liam said to me kindly. Reaching over to grab onto my hand I smiled at him and let him play with my fingers.

“So do you come here a lot then?” I asked searching for conversation. Liam frowned slightly and I instantly regretted my words. It seemed all I could do lately was bring up something that angered or upset Liam.

“I used to.” He said, retracting his hand. I sighed and glanced down at the table in front of us. Fortunately, a waiter arrived ready to take our orders. We stayed silent again after he left, I glanced up when I heard Liam sigh. His eyes looked confused as his shoulders hunched forward.

“I used to come here with Dani okay.” He eventually said.

“Oh great, bring me to where you use to come with your ex girlfriend.” I grumbled out before I could stop myself. Liam’s eyes widened at me for a moment before a small smile slid across his features.

“Sometime you can be too honest.” He told me, I smiled guiltily. “But you’re right, probably wasn’t the best decision I made.”

“No it wasn’t. Do you still love her?” I had to know the truth.

“Can we not talk about that here?” He muttered his eyes focusing on the table. That clearly answered my question. “Look can we just focus on other things right now.”

“Like what Liam? I barely know anything about you.” I hissed quietly at him. His eyes searched mine for a moment as I saw the hardness cross his face.

“I thought I could tell you in my own time.” He hissed back.

“Just forget it.” I muttered leaning back in my chair. The people around us were beginning to stare and the last thing I wanted was to create a public scene. Liam’s hand reached for mine across the table but I pulled it back to rest in my lap. I was angry with him and his careful caresses weren’t going to work this time.

Our waiter arrived with our food and we ate mostly in tense silence.

“I wanted this to be perfect.” Liam eventually said.

“Yes well taking me to a restaurant you use to take your last girlfriends, who you are still in love with, isn’t a good start.” I grumbled.

“You can be mean.” Liam responded, I could feel his eyes glaring at me as I focused on the delicious food in front of me.

“All I’m saying is that I think you know enough about me to know that this isn’t a place I would like. And with the way you’ve been lately I wouldn’t think something this up market would be what you like. So stop trying to be like who you were. You changed why can’t you or your friends accept that.” I rambled to him before picking my fork back up to shovel in more pasta.

“Are you finished?” He asked me sarcastically. I nodded at him. “I’m sorry I’m trying to not be a failure.”

“You’re not. You just didn’t handle everything very well.”

“You don’t understand.” He shook his head and looked away.

“Exactly. That’s our problem.” I replied sternly. Liam’s eyes met mine again as I stared back without backing down.

“How about we get out of here then?” He asked me suddenly.

“Best suggestion you’ve had all night.” I muttered, grabbing my bag and coat.

I walked out the door and waited outside while Liam paid the bill. I couldn’t help being angry at him, my heart was beating wildly about the fact that he still loved Dani. He didn’t deny that. I was starting to wonder what on Earth I was doing with him?

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Liam asked me after he came out of the restaurant. His eyes never met mine, as he stared down the walkway. That only made me angrier. I hated when his eyes never met mine. I felt like I wasn’t important enough for him to pay attention to. “Please?”

“Fine,” I muttered before beginning to walk in a random direction. I could feel Liam’s presence by my side as we wandered around.

“What if you ask me one thing tonight and I promise to answer you if I can ask you a question in return? A question about something I read in your notebook.” Liam suggested. My eyes travelled to his as I searched his face for any hidden meanings. He had promised he would never bring up my notebook but now he wanted to ask questions about it.

I wanted to say no. Tell him that I wasn’t in the bargaining mood, but who knew when my next opportunity to find out anything would be. So I gave in and nodded. Liam didn’t react to my acceptance, merely grabbed my hand and lead me to a park just around the corner. We sat down on a bench as I pondered how to word my question.

I could fell Liam’s tense body beside me and some of my anger disappeared. I knew that this must be hard for Liam. For him to offer up anything from his past was hard. But he was letting me decide what to ask him when they were plenty of questions that I could ask that would definitely hurt him.

“The other day you said you never cheated on Dani, despite all the rumors.” Liam nodded at me and urged me to go on. “Why did she leave you then, if she was the one who ended it? Because that’s how Eleanor made it sound.”

Liam sighed and glanced out into the darkness of the park. I watched as his face hid his emotions but his eyes showed everything else. Showed the memories he was probably remembering or the pain that he had felt when there were no longer any memories to make.

“Dani didn’t just leave. We both decided that it was just best if it ended. There was too much going on, I wasn’t around as much as I used to be and it just felt like she was getting more hate than usual.” Liam finally said, his eyes never once looking at me. “I never really thought I could do a relationship again, not while I was in the spotlight. Not until I met you.”

Liam’s eyes met mine this time and I couldn’t help but let most of my anger disappear. Liam was confused and hurt by everything that had happened. Of course he still loved Dani, it’s not like he had used a great method for moving on. Instead he had turned to partying and other girls.

“I want us to work, somehow. But I can’t help but be afraid that you will leave. That you won’t like me.” He admitted to me. I sighed and grabbed onto his large hand, intertwining our fingers together.

“You know what you need to realize. I have only ever known this Liam. The Liam who is right here in front of me. I met you when you were drunk and almost passed out in a ditch. And yet I like you a lot. What on Earth makes you think that I would prefer the old Liam when it was this Liam that made me stay around.” I needed him to know that I was okay with who he was. He needed to be okay with the fact that he was never going to be like who he was. He was never going to be that old Liam. But he could still be a better Liam then he is now.

I watched as he stared at our hands joined together. He squeezed my own hand a couple of time as if he was telling himself that I was here. I constantly squeezed back wanting him to know I wasn’t leaving.

“My turn?” Liam asked suddenly, eyeing me cautiously. I nodded at him. He stayed silent for a moment as his eyes stared into mine; a nervous feeling began to grow in my stomach. “There was something in your book. You had written a couple of pages and you were angry. But you were angry with yourself. And it took me awhile to understand what those words were about. I could tell you were angry at yourself but you were scared about something as well.”

My eyes widened as I began to understand what passage he was talking about.

“And then I noticed how protective you’re brothers were. And I mean that’s normal but then Jared had me against a wall when he saw I was in your apartment. And well I thought that was a bit extreme. But it’s not just them whose protective, so are Aria and Sarah.”

“What are you getting at Liam?” I sighed, wanting his question to hurry up.

“Did your last boyfriend abuse you?” He asked instantly, getting straight to the point. I took a deep breath and stared ahead of me towards the wings. This was a conversation I hadn’t planned to have with Liam for a long time, maybe not at all.

“His name was Noah. I think I fell in love with him the moment we met. I couldn’t help it. He was charming and attractive and just pretty much perfect in every way.” I began to tell Liam, my hand clinging onto his tightly to know that he was still there. I wanted to tell him everything from the start; he needed to know the beginning.

“We dated for a year before we moved in together. It was around this time that I found out that he had been sexually abused by his father when he was younger. I was shocked and hurt for him. I wanted to help him.”

“You always want to seem to help those who are broken.” Liam commented to me dryly. I shrugged and smiled at him softly.

“We lived together for awhile and everything was fine. Everything was great actually. I convinced Noah to start seeing someone to talk about his problems. I never thought that the talking wouldn’t work or it would make him worse. It started off small at first. He would become protective, like Jared and Tyler. But then it got worse. He hated Aria and Sarah. He didn’t like me seeing my family. It’s weird you know, looking back on it now. I should have known what was happening, or what would happen. It was so obvious, you know?” I turned to face Liam. His gaze was so intense as it searched my face, I almost felt like hiding from him.

“It wasn’t up to you to know what would happen. We never know how people are going to react to things.” He said softly to me, his face conveying his own bitterness towards his words.

“I felt like I should’ve. I probably stayed with him for four more months after he became physically abusive. I would love to say that I got the courage to walk out of there. But I only got out of there because Jared and Tyler ended up finding out, they saw bruises and they went pretty crazy. So they got me out. I convinced them not to tell the cops. I didn’t want to go through court or press charges or anything. I just wanted him out of my life.” Liam stayed silent this time, but his jaw was locked tight and there was anger in his eyes. I wasn’t sure what he was angry at though.

“The worse part was I was so angry at my self. I was always the strong one. I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Why do you think I love being a writer? I control everything. Every character and every event I get to control. I even get to control when I write. So how could I let someone belittle me like that? Why was I not strong enough to get out of there myself, before it started happening. I get so angry and disappointed at myself because I stayed, I mean how stupid is that?” I asked turning to Liam, not being able to hide the tears that had accumulated in my eye.

“You’re not stupid. You were in love and you were scared. They make a pretty dangerous mix.” Liam said softly. I shook my head at him, I had heard those words before.

“I think Jared’s still angry at me you know. He’s angry that I didn’t fight back or that I didn’t tell him.” I said softly. Liam let go of my hand and instead wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I easily curled into his shoulder.

“I think he’s more angry at himself for letting you get hurt. I know that I would be angry if I ever saw anyone hurt you. I wouldn’t know what to do if I intentionally hurt you myself.” Liam whispered down to me. I glanced up at him shocked. All effects of our anger towards each other had disappeared. I couldn’t help but notice that it disappeared the moment we started being honest with each other.

“Thank you; for telling me that. I know I owe you a massive chunk of my life. But the craziness of it is still kind of happening right now and it’s hard to know how to tell you.” Liam told me. I pulled back to get a better look at his face.

“That’s why we take it slow Liam.” I replied.

“You know this date was supposed to be perfect. We were supposed to be drinking wine all night and enjoying ourselves.” Liam said as a frown appeared across his face. He looked genuinely upset that this hadn’t happened.

“Actually I think I prefer this night.” I told him honestly. I had told him a lot about me tonight and now he understood me more and my friends and family. And I got a small bit of information out of him. It may have been small but it was still better than nothing and right now I would gladly settle for it.

Liam smiled down at me and pressed a kiss to my head before wrapping me up in his warm arms as we both sat in the dark park contently. Neither of us making any notion to move any time soon.