Primus Amor.

“Harry, do want to go out today?” I asked the curly haired boy who was sitting on a stool, inside our little kitchen. His head was bowed down and he was fiddling with his phone. He was probably texting another of one those ladies he met before.

Three days had passed since my encounter with Portia. It wasn’t like I was missing her or anything but I did wonder what was she doing at this time of the day. When I dropped Harry off that day, it was clear that he was a little pissed at me for being too defensive. It wasn’t my fault that I had the urge to protect a girl like her. Harry was a little bit of player. After that, I returned Niall’s car and walked back home. It was a very uneventful walk might I add.

I was currently lying down on the couch, my blue eyes fixed on the ceiling above me. My back was aching a little but I didn’t mind. Pain is a reminder that you’re alive. I wanted to get out and do something. I was bored as hell and there wasn’t much to do in this flat. I heard Harry groan and I sat up, glancing over at him. I honestly thought that he’d be leaving for Holmes today but he moved it to tomorrow. I had a feeling he wasn’t up to it today.

His head was bowed and his hands were balled into fists at the table. I raised my eyebrow and stood up, walking over to him. I stopped a foot away from him and looked around.

“Harry, you alright?” He let out another groan and shook his head. He raised his head and looked at me with an exasperated expression on his face.

“I got caught.” He mumbled.

I crossed my arms and hitched an eyebrow. I leaned on the doorway and waited expectantly for him to continue. When he didn’t, I asked what was in my mind.

“With what exactly? Don’t tell me you’re dealing with drugs.” Harry scoffed and got up, grabbed his phone and shoved it in his pockets. His mouth curved downwards as he went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of alcohol. I frowned and shook my head.

“Are you going to tell me or not?” I prompted which earned me a glare from the green eyed boy.

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave you alone.” I said, raising my palms up as I left the kitchen. Something told me that it had something to do with the media but that notion will never be proved unless Harry talked. I figured with his expression and his attitude that he wouldn’t want to join me for a walk in the park. Looks like I’ll be going out alone.

I started walking to my room but not without glancing back at Harry whose head was buried in his arms. It was strange seeing him like that. What was stranger was the fact that he wouldn’t tell me what was bothering him.

Once I arrived in the comforts of my room I frowned in disdain at my unmade bed. I should probably fix it but I was too lazy. Probably later. I looked around the pale-colored room for my phone, wondering where I left it this time. My eyes spotted it over by the bedside table, screen all lit up, vibrating like crazy. I raised my eyebrow and trudged towards it. I picked it up and looked at the screen seeing a name that brought a smile to my face.

“Mum!” I exclaimed, my tone happy.

“Louis! How have you been honey?”

I smiled widely as I heard my mom’s voice. Being away for tour was exhausting and what made it worse was that I had to be away from my family for quite a long time. I missed my parents as well as my sisters. Now I’m feeling homesick.

“I’ve been good so far. And you? How are Lottie and the twins? I hope they’re well.”

I started to look for my things, wedging the phone between my neck and my cheek. I went to the dresser and started to get my wallet. It felt uncomfortable having an object jammed between your shoulder and your cheek but I had to make do.

“Oh they’re as eccentric as ever. They’re doing fine honey. How’s the tour? Everything’s going well I hope. Have you been eating well? Sleeping well? I don’t want you to get sick Are—“

“I’m fine Mum!” I cut her off, rolling my eyes at her motherly instincts. “You don’t have to worry so much about me. I’m a grown man!”

“Mhm, if that’s what you say.” I sighed at my mum’s comment but shrugged it off. A mother knows everything about their son.

“As for the tour, it went well. Actually, we’re going to have another one in the U.S.! It’ll take place sometime in January…”

“That’s good! So, when will you be coming home? We miss you dearly Louis.”

I frowned and went out of my room, bringing my jacket with me. I poked my head out of the hall and saw Harry lazily sprawled on the couch with a bottle of beer in his hand. The television’s volume was turned low as Noah from The Notebook walked across the screen. I knit my eyebrows together and took a closer look at him. A frown was etched on his face as he shoved a handful of chips in his mouth. What happened to him?

“Louis? Are you still there?” I snapped out of my thoughts regarding Harry’s unusual behavior and turned my attention back to the phone that was still jammed.

“Yeah Mum, still here!” I took out the phone from my shoulder and held it against my ear. I already felt some of my muscles ache from having the phone shoved near my ear. I rubbed my jaw and made my way to the table right beside the door. I picked up my shades and slipped it on.
“So, when are you coming home?”

“Next week maybe. I still have some things to do at the studio…”

“Alright. Call me back soon alright? I have to go take care of breakfast now. Love you.”

“You too Mum, bye.” I ended the call and shoved the phone in my pocket. I peered back at Harry and saw him looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes and opened the door, ready to go out and take a walk.

“I’m heading out.” I told him. He merely nodded and turned back to the movie, obviously not caring that I was going. With a sigh I closed the door and slipped out of the flat, fumbling with my earphones. I wasn’t going to walk out without any music on. Sometimes I liked to drown myself in music, to just let go and enjoy life.

I plugged in my earphones and pressed the button on the side of the lift. I tapped my foot and waited, racking my brain on where I should go on this lovely day. Tomorrow was the day the four of us go back to the studio to have some last minute recordings and discussions regarding the upcoming tour. Harry was going to go back home tomorrow so he wouldn’t be able to be there. He was done recording all his parts anyway.

Ding.

I stepped inside the lift and closed the doors, letting the sounds of The Fray fill my ears. I tapped my foot to the beat and watched the dial on top of the lift go down as we passed by each floor. The lift’s walls were mirrors. In every direction I could see my face, reflecting my pale face hidden underneath the hood.

I could go the park today… or drop by one of those cafés down the block. It was a nice morning to get a cup of tea. I’d probably do both.

I walked out of the lift and strolled out to the lobby, giving a curt nod to the girl behind the desk as I went out. The first thing I noticed when I got out of the building was that it was sunny… but the air was chilly. Nothing sort of unusual for a Saturday morning. I looked around the streets and noticed that only a few people were out today. The streets weren’t crowded and I guess it’s because most of the people decided to sleep in. I would have done the same if it weren’t for my alarm clock blasting out a bloody song at six in the morning.

I kept my head down as I walked down the streets in London; only glancing up to see if I passed by one of the cafés I usually went to. I wanted to go to Felicity’s but it was a little too far for my taste and if I walked there, I’d have to suffer a half an hour of walking back to the park.

When I looked up again I saw the café I wanted to go to and immediately headed inside. The bell let out a shrill tinkling sound which brought a slight scowl to my lips. I didn’t like the attention. I took out my earphones and let it dangle from my neck. I walked up to the counter and looked over the menu they had. Names of drinks flooded my head and I couldn’t decide on one. I shook my head and opted on ordering a regular instead. A cup of earl grey tea. I didn’t want to think too much.

I gave the lad the money and waited patiently for my change. I scanned the room and let out a breath of relief realizing that most of the customers were those with age. Today was one of those days where in I wasn’t in the mood to bump into our fans. I love them yes but sometimes, it can get tiring. I get tired of having to take pictures and put a smile on my face even if everything was wrong.

“Here’s your drink sir. Enjoy!”

Fake enthusiasm laced his voice and I gave him a grim smile. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be here early in the morning. Oh the things we do for money.

I brought the cup to my lips and took a sip. The tea wasn’t too hot nor too cold, just right. I plugged in my earphones again and walked down the street to the beat of the drums. I glanced up at the sky and saw the sun, peeking from the clouds. Looks like it’s trying to get out and have some fun. I took another dragging sip from my drink and looked down at my shoes. I wanted to get out and have some fun too.

I let out a sigh and resumed walking, everything around me shrouded with gray. The warmth from my cup was slowly drifting away like snowflakes on a windy morning. I was waiting for a change. I wanted something to happen. Something that would ruin my daily routine. I’m sure people would say that my life was spectacular since I’ve got the fame and the fortune but honestly it got a bit boring at some times. You go to the same interviews, press and media… I wanted change.

I fixed my hoodie and took another sip, watching the people pass me by. I kept myself grounded; only looking up to cross or to avoid people who were rushing. I didn’t want to attract too much attention. Walking in the city felt odd. It always seemed as if someone was watching me and I had to be careful with my actions or else all hell would break lose. If I was caught walking with a girl they’ll think she’s my new girlfriend. If I was caught yelling or cursing, they would give me a bad image. Everything depended on what I do and how they’ll interpret it. It sucked really.

The walk to the park was tiring but the view was well, worth it. I stopped right outside the wrought out iron gates and gazed at the view before me. The leaves had lovely shades of orange, red and yellow, giving the place a light glow. The grass looked healthy, the strands green and bright. People were sitting on the grass, picnic baskets in hand with smiles on their faces. A few others were jogging around the place, a way for them to get fit. Children ran around the park aimlessly, giggling and screaming all the way. The birds were chirping, flying around feeling free. I drank more of my tea and tried to act inconspicuous as I looked out in the open.

I took one careful step forward, looking around. Once I decided that the coast was clear, I kept my stride steady with my head down. I couldn’t hear much of what was going on around me since I’ve turned the volume up high in my iPod. I could see people chattering, stealing a few glances at me with raised eyebrows. It was a bit weird having them stare at me and how I had to avoid them just so I wouldn’t get chased down by the press as well as some fans.

As I was walking down the stone path placed on the grass, I held my breath as I saw one particular girl looking at me with narrowed eyes on the benches, as if she was trying to figure out where she’d seen me. I squirmed under her scrutinizing stare and picked up the pace, hoping to get away from her gaze as fast as I can. I shoved my left hand deep in my pockets and prayed that she wouldn’t notice. Once I was out of her sight I let out the breath I was holding and spotted a nearby tree on a small hill where in its branches twisted in an odd manner, offering a place where in I could sit down and relax. I was expecting a quiet and unperturbed walk to the tree but somehow, when I was just two steps away from my desired location, I bumped into a person.

Crap.

I wobbled a bit and took a step back, my hand gripping the cup. The impact took my off guard and my shades fell a bit, my blue eyes peeking through. I glanced up and saw a figure dressed similarly with an anxious expression on his face.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there mate. You alright?” He held out his hand in front of me while I stared at his face, his accent familiar. And that’s when it hit me.

“Niall?” He raised an eyebrow and took off his shade revealing a pair of light blue eyes. He gave me a toothy grin and clapped me at the back.

“Louis! What’re you doing here? Thought you’d stay home with Harry. Heard he’s feeling sick.”

He must have noticed the confused expression on his face when he chuckled, getting his phone from his pocket to show me his twitter feed.

“Internet.”

“Ah.” I replied, drinking more of my tea as I scrolled down his timeline.

@Harry_Styles: Not feeling well today. Guess I should sleeeeeeep

I wasn’t sure if he was really sick or he was just using that as a reason so that he would be excused to leave the flat.

“So, care to tell me what’re you doing here?” Niall piped bringing me out of my thoughts. I shrugged and returned the phone back to him.

“Just taking a walk, you?” I took a quick glance around if anyone noticed our conversation but no one was. I relaxed a bit and turned my attention back to Niall who was animatedly telling me about his day.

“Well I went to Nando’s this morning and I was eating then, I got chased by a few paparazzi—Hey don’t give me that look I lost them alright!”

I stopped frowning and held my palms up in defeat. It was hard to avoid them but if he brought them here with him it’d cause a bit of trouble. He continued to talk about how he almost tripped over nothing just to get away from the media and how he ended up at the park, trying to walk it off.

“And that’s what brought you here?” I inquired, raising my eyebrow. I wanted to make sure.

“Basically yep.” He replied, popping the ‘p’. I sighed and took off my shades, wiping some of the dust that stuck to the lenses. We stood there in silence for a while. Once I finished cleaning my shades I put them back on my face, the world turning gray once again.

“I’ve gotta run now. Catch ya tomorrow at the studio yeah?” Niall asked while I nodded.

“Yeah. See you Niall.” He gave me a grin before jogging off, going somewhere. I sighed and shoved my hand deep in my pockets, going back to the tree where in I could just relax all day. I turned around and saw Niall walking down the pathway with his head down, nodding at the people who passed him by. He was a good kid.

I sat down on the slightly wet grass, running my hands over it smoothly. I looked up and marveled at the different hues the leaves had, bright and lovely like the first few rays the sun shows at six in the morning. It was cool underneath the tree and I laid back, my spine touching the coarse bark that covered the tree. I didn’t mind it one bit. I took one last sip from my cup and placed it beside me now that it was empty.

I crossed my arms and started to hum along to the song playing in my ears letting myself get lost in the music all the while pulling me under. I turned the volume lower so that I could, hopefully, be more comfortable. My eyes fluttered shut and my breaths turned steady and even. Bright dots danced behind my eyelids but I ignored them, feeling calm and peaceful. Thoughts of fame and privacy and trouble floated away from me, like a soft cloud in the early morning. It felt good.

Time passed slowly around me and I could feel myself drifting away. I was halfway there when I heard laughter, clear and bright, coming from my right. I popped one eye open and glanced at the people who were disturbing my rest. The girl had blazing red hair, the color similar to the leaves atop the tree, and a white coat wrapped around her body. From what I could tell, she was talking animatedly with her friend as they stood around, pointing around with her long pale fingers. They both had binders close to their chest as well as some books. I figured they were a couple of university students studying in the park. The girl laughed out loud and shook her head. I arched an eyebrow and shrugged, going back to closing my eyes and hoping for sleep.

“No! Trina! It’s just that—you might make fun of me if I give it right away.”

My ears perked up once I heard that voice. It sounded familiar but I couldn’t quite place it. I sat up and glanced at them again only to see them going down the hill, still talking quite loudly in the morning. The two girls had their backs turned to me. I didn’t know if I knew them or not but that voice was very familiar. I leaned back and started to get comfortable when I saw them turn left, walking down the pavement perhaps to go look for a better place to stay.

When they turned I got a glimpse of their faces. The red head was shaking her head with a small smile on her lips while the brunette beside her was frowning. I let a small grin slip of my face knowing that it reminded me of Portia just a bit. I closed my eyes again and let the music drown my ears.

Portia…

I sat up abruptly and glanced at the two girls walking farther down the pavement. I focused on the brunette beside her and then my heart started to beat faster at the thought of the girl being Portia. Without a second’s hesitation, I got up and ran down the hill adrenaline pulsing through my veins. I don’t know why I even want to catch up with her knowing that a small amount of my pride will be wasted knowing it wasn’t her.

My feet pounded against the grassy hill and I ran to the two girls, my breath starting to hitch up. The cool breeze brushed against my face as I went downhill, keeping my gaze fixed on the two girls walking farther and farther away from me. Once my feet landed on the sidewalk I rushed to catch up with the two of them.

When I was an arms length away from them I did something I didn’t even notice. I linked my arm around the brunette and pulled her to me. She stumbled a bit before turning around, an annoyed and surprised expression on her face. Her mouth dropped to the floor and her eyes were wide. I looked deep into her brown eyes and grinned, all the while gasping for air. She shook her head fiercely and blinked.

“Louis?