Draco Malfoy's Dirty Little Secret

Draco’s POV

I froze when those words escaped my mouth. I wasn’t sure how she felt about me, but I was pretty sure that she felt the same. There was one problem though. We had only been going out - wait; could you really call it going out? It’s been more like friends with benefits. We hadn’t made things official, and they weren’t going to be. I couldn’t let that happen.

I pulled back a little to look at her. She was smirking up at me. “Draco,” she said, “I thought I told you not to become too emotionally attached to me?”

My eyes widened. Was it her way of telling me that she didn’t feel the same? I was freaking out – on the inside of course. I wanted her to feel the same, but that didn’t mean that she would. I mean, she does like kissing me, but that could just means she likes kissing. I shouldn’t really raise my hopes like that.

“I get it,” I said, taking her smirking silence as what I thought it was. “I’ll just be going now.”

Her fingers catching mine surprised me. “Where do you think you’re going, handsome? I haven’t told you how I feel yet,” she continued to smirk. “I’m in love with you as well.”

My lips curled into their very own smirk. “I thought I told you not to fall in love with me?”

She shrugged. “I just couldn’t help it.”

“I guess I am that good looking, handsome just like you said,” I poked fun at her and she giggled that time instead of scolding me for having a big ego. “I love your laugh.”

She rolled her eyes. “You just told me you loved me; you don’t have to say that you love my laugh as well. It’s implied that you love everything about me in those three little words.”

“I don’t love everything about you,” I said automatically.

“What?” she asked, looking up at me. “What’s there not to love about me?”

“Well, I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but when I do, I’ll let you know,” I said, grabbing her hand and leading her away from Madame Paddifoot’s.

“I’m holding you to that,” she sounded serious.

I smiled toothily at her. “I know you are.”

“I’m hungry,” she announced a few moments later.

I checked my watch. “Well, it’s time for lunch up at the castle. You wanna go?”

“Of course! All this sneaking around makes a girl hungry,” she pulled on my hand towards Hogwarts.

What waited on us when we approached the entrance door was not a pretty sight. It just meant that we were found out, and that I was in deep shit. Not that we noticed right away. I mean, how could I notice anything else when the most beautiful girl jumps into my arms with her eyes shining? I had to kiss her, which just made a throat clear.

“What do you two think you’re doing outside when class is still in session?”

Her legs dropped from around my waist pretty quick. I released her and sprang away from her just as quick or perhaps even faster. We both looked over at the long haired professor with a rather large nose, as nose that seemed to like to get into my business a lot more than usual.

“We were just-“ Courtney tried to save us, but he cut her off.

“I have no need for your pathetic excuses, Miss Flint,” he said, approaching us. “Fifty points from Gryffindor for skipping classes, next time I catch you I will notify Professor McGonagall. Now, I suggest that you go inside for lunch. I’d like to have a word with Mr. Malfoy, if you don’t mind.”

I watched her run off like I don’t know what. My eyes then went back to Snape, who had a scowl on his face still. I sighed. It was just going to be another lecture on how I shouldn’t be associating with Courtney because I had my other missions to attend too, and I couldn’t afford any distractions right now. We’ve had similar discussions all term long, and I was getting sick of it.

“Draco, how could you be so stupid?” he started, but I put a hand up for him to stop right there.

“I’m not stupid, okay? I might have made a mistake in not working on my missions today, but I did not make a mistake by falling in love with her,” I said, pointing in the direction that she just left. “I know you don’t understand that. You have never been in love before. Well, I don’t regret her, not for one moment.”

“You are sorely mistaken, Draco. I know that you are in love with her, and I’m not condemning you for that,” he paused and then continued when I threw him a confused look. “I know how easy it is to let everything go just because the right one has come into your life. For you, it just might be wrong timing. I admire you for clinging to love even though it comes at a cost.”

“You do?”

He nodded. “Believe it or not, I was in love once. It was at the perfect time too. It was before the reign of Voldemort. She wasn’t married, and I had a chance to tell her too, but I blew her off as if she embarrassed me. I never got the chance to tell her how I really felt. I didn’t cling to it as I should have. Perhaps then she would still be alive today.”

“Snape,” I said, reaching out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he moved out of reach.

“Draco,” he said, turning to me with wet eyes, “You have to hold on to what you are so lucky to have, but there is always a cost when you bore the mark of our master. He can see into your thoughts and memories. How do you think I knew where you were today? He’s growing worried that you will not carry out either of your missions, and I agree with him. I would say that if you want to keep this girl, distance yourself away from her. My second suggestion is that you become an accomplished Occlumist. If not, the Dark Lord will surely discover what gets you motivated and acts quickly on it,” he took a deep breath. “Follow me.”

“I don’t think it’ll be positive for me to distance myself from her,” I started as we headed down to the dungeons.

“I know this,” he called back. “You are partners with her on a school project. Just control your emotions with her, especially until you have mastered Occlumency. Now,” he said, opening the door to his office. “Take that chair.”

I did as he said and sat in the chair. He raised his wand and pointed it straight at me. I was a little frightened at what was going to happen next. It wasn’t everyday your professor points a wand straight at you.

“Be prepared. I am going to penetrate your mind. I must see how you resist. With these attacks, you might better recognize when the Dark Lord breaks into your mind,” he took in another deep breath before casting the spell. “Legilimens!”

I saw Courtney and me playing in the sand on the beach. She was so cute in her bathing suit. I think we were about seven years old. Our parents used to take us on trips to the coast every summer. It was the only time when it was just Courtney and me. It was the time I cherished the most in my childhood. It was the only time I was completely happy, just like these last few months. I just wanted to stay in that memory forever, but I knew that I couldn’t. The scene then changed to me pushing Courtney onto a bed. The time when I let my past me almost do what I didn’t want to do to someone so pure.

“You can’t watch that!” I yelled out loud just as Snape’s office came back into view.

“Very well done, Draco,” Snape smiled. Smiled? That’s a little out of character for him, but he lost it as soon as he realized what he was doing. “You didn’t let me in too far, which is very good. How about you come here every Saturday night until the Holiday? It might do you some good.”

I nodded. “I will. Thank you, sir.”

“Draco?” he called as I turned to leave the room.

I turned back. “Yes, sir?”

“The last vision that I saw,” he questioned, “did you and Miss Flint…?”

I shook my head. “No, I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Good.”

With that, I left his office only to find Courtney waiting outside for me. She smiled at me as I approached her. I wanted to just throw my arms around her and plant my lips where they belonged, but Snape’s voice was in the back of my mind, reminding me that it wouldn’t be such a great idea.

“Hey, I hope you didn’t get in too much trouble,” she said, reaching for my hand, but I backed away.

“I’m sorry, Courtney, but I just need some space. I need some time to think about this…about us. I hope that’s alright?”

I know it was somewhat a lie, but it was also the truth. I really did need the space. I really did need to think about us. Was a relationship with Courtney something I should really pursue with everything that’s going on in my life?

“Yes, that’s perfectly fine,” she whispered, hurt.

I reached out and squeezed her hand. “I am sorry. There’s just a lot going on in my life.”

She nodded. “I’ll see you on Saturday, right?”

“Of course, we have to finish that paper.”

She then reached out and pulled me into a kiss. It was hard, but I pulled from her. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I had to willingly leave her. I had to do it fast like a band aid or I would never have done it, so I ran away from her and down the hall.