If You Only Knew

Barely breathing. Barely talking. Barely happy.

My joy was killed, my life was killed, my heart was killed. Gerard was...killed.

I read the paper over and over again. I just couldn't believe it, he was gone. So far gone.

I sat in the coffee shop for what seemed like hours. "More coffee?" the waitress asks me, I shake my head no and gave a fake smile.

My attention turned back to the paper..

"Local Millionaire Gerard Way Murdered...

Investigators say his body was found on the westward bank by a little creek hidden in the woods. His body was gruesomely mutilated and was decomposing for some time. People say they last saw him at a local comic shop buying a few books of entertainment. They had never seen him again.

Locals say he was in a relationship with a boy named Frank Iero, his depression grew after he had left him for some time ago. People asked him if he was okay because of his expressions daily as he went to work and did what a normal person would do. ' He did not look happy at all' local barber Mary Davis says. 'His answer always was, so he wont get hurt, I don't want him hurt, I want him healthy.'
No one ever knew who he was talking about.

Some time later two suspects reveale themselves to the sheriffs office department, confessing they had killed a man. Their names were Jimmy Vain and Darrell Hoffman. They have been wanted for some time.
They came here passed off as high schoolers and pretended to be very normal friends. They were actually running away from a double manslaughter they applied to six years ago.
'They couldn't take the guilt anymore so they turned themselves in' Deputy Figueroa states.

During the last two months a funeral had been...."

I quickly set the paper down not wanting to read anymore. I didn't go to Gerard's funeral. I couldn't see him like that, I needed him in flesh as bones with a beating heart.

I did not realize the tears rolling down my face until I saw everyone staring at me. I slammed the tip on the table and bolted for the door. Cold air hitting my face. I started walking, not knowing where to go.

After some time with clearing my head, I notice I was standing in the spot where me and Gerard made love in the car. Tears threatened to spill once again. This time I didn't fight back, I let them.

"I fucking hate you," I hiss, "I hate you Gerard, I fucking hate you!" I yell.

"Why did you leave me? Why?" I could barely speak over my hysterical sobs. I threw myself on the road and cried for so long, knowing I could never get my Gerard back.

He would never come back.