Anarchy Is Our Only Hope

I had given Jax his answer, if it was the right one.. I wasn't really sure.

He was a dim light in my shadow of darkness.

I wasn't ready to give that up just yet.

Maybe it was foolish, something only a dumb girl would do. 

If I didn't give it up now, was I setting myself up to not give it up at all?

I'm thinking to far ahead, I should take it one day at a time.

That's how it's been, why shouldn't it keep being that way?

Gemma was right, I could walk out the door and get hit by a car.

I could trip going down the stairs, get a concision and die.

Tim could go ape shit and just decide to finish me off. 

So why should I let go of someone who, yeah may be a bit dangerous, but who did care about me. 

I creaked silently up the stairs.

I opened the door to my room.

It was a mess, the things on my dresser strewn across the floor.

My bed sheets pulled off their ends.

The books ripped off their shelves, the clothes in my closet was tossed from their hangers.

It looked like a tornado ripped through it.

"Tim..."

I began to clean up the mess the drunken bastard made.

Distracted by it, I hardly heard the rumble come across the room.

It wasn't until I felt someone tug my arm up that I noticed someone was in there at all.

"Why weren't you home at ten?!"

"I was out, Tim!"

He tightened his grip on my arm.

"Who do you think you are bitch?"

"Tim let me go."

I winced as his grip just became tighter.

"You're not a big bad bitch now, huh?"

The smell of alcohol trailed off of every word.

"You were so tough the other day, what happened? You scared."

"Fuck you."

He tossed me across the room, my back slammed into the wall. 

The slightest crack came from it.

A sense of grimace washed over me.

He crouched down to my level.

"Don't you ever come home at two in the morning again. I have to fucking work, I don't need to be awake from some damn slut coming home in the middle of the night."

"You're nothing to me, Tim."

I spit in his face.

A harsh slap came across my face.

Tears welled up in my eyes, my body coursing with pain.

"Cry, you dumb bitch."

"Fuck you."

I tried to lift myself off the floor.

Only to land face down.

Tim laughed at my attempt, and began making his way downstairs.

"Never again! You hear me, Nelly!"

I crawled over to the door, turning each lock.

I knew getting off the floor wasn't going to happen so I reached for a blanket and pillow.

I curled up on the hard wood floor.

I sobbed silently until I fell asleep.

The next morning I tried to stretch and lift myself off the floor.

I cringed back into a little ball.

"Fuck me."

"Mom?!"

No answer.

I sighed desperately.

I once more retorted to crawling, luckily I had a phonebook on the bottom of the bookshelf.

I had to call the only person I thought reasonable at the time.

"Teller - Morrow Auto Repair, how can I help you?"

"Gemma?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Nelly.."

"Oh hey baby, how are you? I guess you decided huh?"

A hint of smile rung through her voice.

"Gemma, I know this is asking a lot..."

I stammered.

"But can you come down to Sonoma? I didn't know who else to call.."

I choked on words, I barely knew this woman. 

What leg did I have to stand on? 

Who am I to ask her for a  favor?

"Sure baby, give me your address."

I heard her scribble the numbers down on a piece of paper.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, don't worry Nelly. "

"Thank you Gemma, I'm really sorry."

"Don't be, it's gonna be okay."

The line went dead. 

I laid flat on the floor, I didn't really have another choice.

I don't know how much time had passed between my phone call and hearing the door downstairs open.

I thought maybe it had been my mom.

"Mom?!"

Feet pattered up the stairs, I began crawling toward the door.

Unlocking each lock, until the knob turned open.

"Oh kid..."

Gemma looked around my disheveled room, and finally me.

Gemma grabbed my arm, I cringed.

"Oh shit, sorry."

She grabbed the other arm and began lifting me up.

I struggled to get off the floor, wincing in pain. 

Gemma tried to carry as much of my weight as she could.

"We gotta take you to a hospital, Nelly."

"No, I can't."

"You can."

"Gemma please no."

"Kid, I can tell you right now something is broken."

"It's probably a fracture."

"You can barely get your ass off the floor, we are going."

She started leading me down the stairs and out of the house.

"Where's the closest hospital?"

"Please Gemma, it's not worth going to the hospital."

"Listen babe, you called me in to help you. That's what I'm gonna do."

I sighed.

She opened the backseat of her black SUV and helped me in.

In twenty minutes flat, I was brought in and waiting for the emergency room doctor.

"I guess much doesn't go on here."

Gemma tucked her car keys into her pocket.

"Nah, it's only busy on the weekend when the natives get shit faced."

I cracked a joke. 

"That's a good one, kid."

Gemma's phone rung, she pulled it out of her purse.

"It's Jax.."

"Don't tell him, Gemma."

She flipped up her cellphone.

"Hey baby."

"....."

"Where am I?"

Gemma tossed me a look.

"I'm out in Sonoma."

I started waving my hands frantically.

"Yeah I'm with Nelly."

"...."

"We are braiding each other's hair and singing folk songs."

She rolled her eyes.

"We are gonna have lunch."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"......"

"What you're the only one who can have lunch with her? Jeez she invited me."

"....."

Gemma laughed.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

She hung up.

"Thanks Gemma."

"No problem, babe."

"So what happened last night?"

"Between me and Jax?"

"No between you and your dad?"

"He's not my dad.."

"Step dad?"

I nodded.

"Just got mad that I was home late, it was so stupid."

"So what he tossed you around like a rag doll?"

"Pretty much."

I readjusted myself in the hospital bed.

"What are you gonna tell the doctor?"

"It doesn't matter, Tim is the son of the sheriff...."

I continued.

"He's untouchable."

"Oh fuck."

She ran her hands through her hair.

"My mom and I have been here plenty times. The first year of their marriage her and I were in here every other day."

"Nothing was ever done.."

Gemma finished my sentence.

"Nope.."

"Fucking a..."

"I fight back most of the time, he just caught me by surprise yesterday."

"Oh babe, you got yourself in a bind."

I nodded.

"I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Don't be an idiot Nelly."

She placed her hands on her hips.

"You don't know me from Adam and now you're wrapped up in my shit."

"Nelly, do you not know what it's like to have someone take care of you or are you just retarded?"

I began laughing.

"No seriously, you question everything. You apologize for everything. Get your lady dick in check!"

"Lady dick?"

"You need to woman up, don't apologize if you're not sorry. Let people take care of you,  I wouldn't be here if I didn't want too. And most of all don't question what's right in front of you!"

She soothed her hand across my forehead.

"Thanks Gemma."

"I'm gonna go find a doctor." 

She kissed my forehead and left the room. 

I was growing genuine respect for Gemma. 

She said what was on her mind and didn't give a fuck what anyone thought.

I admired that.

A few minutes later Gemma and a Doctor walked in.

"Well good news Miss. Fitzgerald, your hip bone isn't dislocated so no surgery."

"Yay."

"But, you did cause a hairline fracture."

"See Gemma, I told you I didn't need the hospital."

"Actually, Miss. Fitzgerald you will need crutches to prevent furthering of the fracture. You'll have to set up appointments with a physiotherapist, you should be fine in a few weeks to a month."

The Doctor smiled.

"You can have some hands on therapy at home but we will be sending you with pain medications."

"Ha, do you see Nelly?"

Gemma puffed her chest proudly, simply because she was right.

"We'll get you some crutches and send you home in about an hour."

"Awesome Doc."

Gemma patted his back and he went on his way.

She sat down at the edge of the hospital bed.

"So, now that I'm practically your surrogate care taker. How bout you tell me when you and Jax are gonna make it official?"

"Oh my god, Gemma."

I blushed.

"Get your fucking flower panties out of a bunch."

I exploded into a fit of laughter.

"Oh I don't know, Gem."

I shook my head, not really in disbelief because as I stated Gemma was not one that hesitated.

"Well make it soon, you guys aren't twelve anymore."

"I'll put it on my to do list, Gemma."

"Good."

An hour passed and we were on our way back to my house.

"Gemma, I feel reallllllll good."

"That's those damn pills they gave you."

"Yeah, I think so. They are pretty fucking great."

"It's all nice and dandy to take them now, but don't become some pill popping whore ."

"Got it, got ittt."

"We're in trouble, kid."

"Why?"

I looked out the window.

Jax's sat on his bike, right outside my house.

"Whoopsy."

Gemma parked her car right along the curb side.

"Hey baby!"

She walked over to him and kissed his cheek.

"Hey ma --- What the hell happened?"

He said mid sentence as I took my crutches out of the car.

"It wasn't me this time."

Gemma helped me over to Jax.

"Weren't you guys going to lunch?"

"Well when I got here she was just laying there."

"How did you get in?"

"I picked the lock."

"Heyyy Jax, you're looking real handsome today."

"What is she on?"

"Pain meds."

"Jax, I fell down the stairs again! Can you believe it?!"

"Again? You know you really gotta stop wearing your socks around the house."

"Psh. I know right?"

I giggled like a mad woman.

"Jax can you help the girl upstairs?"

"Of course ma."

Gemma left all my prescriptions on the table.

"You call me anytime, baby."

She kissed my forehead once more and left.

"You and Gemma seem to be getting along."

"You know Jax, I really like her! She's really fucking cool."

He laughed and shook his head.

"I think you need to sleep."

"I really don't Jax."

"Let's get you upstairs and see what your bed says."

"Ohh you gonna take me to bed."

I lazily winked.

"You look like you have a crazy eye."

"I'm winking Jax! I'm winking!"

"That's a shitty wink."

"Oh shush."

"Come on, let me take you on up."

"Okay.. Okay.."

I leaned myself against the wall, Jax put his arm around my waist.

"It'll just be easier if I carry you up."

"What is this a romance novel?"

I laughed at my own joke.

"Come on Nel."

"Alrightttt."

He placed his right hand under my knees and his left hand around my shoulders.

"Jax, your hands are really warm."

He climbed up the stairs.

"Did you spank the monkey recently? Is that why?"

He nearly dropped me on the staircase as his laughter boomed across the wooden walls.

"Hey, hey, be careful. Precious cargo on board."

"I don't get why spanking the monkey has anything to do with warm hands."

"Because well hello..."

"No I haven't, would you like to spank my monkey?"

"Nah, not right now. Too tired."

I nuzzled my head into his chest.

"It's the room on the left."

He opened the door.

"Whoa, you're really messy."

"I'll clean later."

He laid me down in bed, ran back down and brought my crutches up.

"So what did the Doc tell you?"

"Hairline fracture. I should be fine in a few weeks."

"That's good."

"He said i'd need some 'hands on' massage therapy."

I winked another lazy wink.

"Is horny one of the side effects of these pain meds?"

"Probably not, but for argument sakes let's say yeah."

He laughed.

That's all i remember before I began dozing off into dream land.

Two hours later I was awake again.

I looked around my room, the sun was beginning to set.

Jax fell asleep in a tiny chair in the corner of my room.

When I say tiny, I mean it's literally a chair I had when I was seven.

"Pssst, psst."

No answer.

"Jax, Jax."

"Huh? What!"

He spilled out of the tiny chair.

"You could have gone home."

"Nah, I just wanted to stick it out. Make sure you didn't die or something."

He tucked his hair behind his ears.

"Well you didn't have to sit in the baby chair."

I patted the corner of my bed. 

He sat down and leaned his head back against the headboard.

"Thanks for staying."

"No problem."

He yawned.

"By the way, I saw your step dad."

"And what happened?"

"Nothing, he thought I broke in."

"Oh god."

"It's cool, I told him about your fall and that I was looking after you."

"Ugh, Tim."

I rolled my eyes.

"Can you take me downstairs?"

"Sure."

He picked me back up.

"How are you gonna do this when I'm gone?"

He grinned.

"By myself."

I shrugged.

"You're gonna have some trouble."

"I've got crutches on my side."

"With how clumsy you are? You'll be back in the hospital."

"What do you suggest Doctor Teller?"

"I suggest you stay downstairs."

"Ha, no. I'd rather take my chances."

"Why not?"

We reached the last step and Jax put me down.

I hobbled into the kitchen.

"Want some water?"

"I'll get it."

"Sit out on the porch, I'm perfectly capable of getting us water."

He leaned against the wall of the kitchen.

I grabbed the jug of water and poured in to two glasses.

"See, fully capable."

I began to wobble, Jax caught me before any water spilled.

"Would it be so hard just to ask for help?"

"Extremely."

"You're so hard headed, Nelly."

"Also, extremely."

I gave him his cup and wobbled around the living room.

"So why won't you sleep down here?"

"Avoiding Tim 101."

"You seem to really not like him."

"I despise Tim on a good day."

I said to Jax.

"But let's not talk about him."

"Alright."

He smiled and pulled me into his side, guiding me out to the porch.

"Jax, my graduation is in a month. I'd like you to come.."

I looked up at him.

I knew it was a random statement, hell maybe even a bit brash. 

But I did in fact want it.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you can bring the guys oh! And you can't forget Gemma, I mean bring whoever you want. You gotta let me know who you wanna bring, cause I gotta reserve the seats." 

I rambled.

"So you want a bunch of bikers to roll over to your graduation, you sure about that?"

He grinned.

"Yeah, why not?"

"So when your school friends ask, what are you gonna tell them I am?"

"Oh I have no idea, stalker sounds like a really odd relation."

We laughed.

"Well, you could tell them I'm your boyfriend."

He looked down at me, our eyes connected.

"Really? You sure about that?"

He grabbed both glasses and put them on a nearby table.

He pulled me away from his side and moved me directly in front of himself.

"Yeah, I'm really sure."

"You know I'm borderline crazy?"

"Eh, I'm willing to overlook that."

He smiled, and placed his hands on either side of my face.

"Is it because I'm willing to overlook the fact that you're an outlaw?"

"Partially."

He laughed.

"Well you know that --."

He cut me off.

"Stop rambling and say yes."

"I.. Yes. I'd like you to be my --."

He cut me off with his lips.

His beard scratched my face lightly.

I didn't care. 

It felt safe here in this moment.

I was enveloped in the scent of him, the feel of his lips against mine.

I  could hardly pull myself away.

But after five minutes we had too, oh If only humans didn't run out of breath.

"Whoa." 

It was all I could murmur.

I looked up at Jax, a silly grin plastered on his face.

"Why are you smiling like a kid hopped up on candy?"

"It's just funny."

"What is?"

"I cracked you, I told you I would!"

"You're so dumb!" 
I playfully smacked his arm.

"Nah, you're just mad cause you were wrong."

I laughed.

He was right again.
I was gonna have to learn to accept not being right.
Well at least 50% of the time.