'Cause the Hardest Part of This is Leaving You.

Lindsey comes to the door, her hair a yellow mess. She's wearing the same clothes I last saw her.

" Hey Lyn. " I say quietly. She looks behind me expecting a car. " I got the bus. Can I come in? "

She frowns. She's not convinced. " Wipe your feet, or take your shoes off. "

Her Mom's house is always incredibly tidy, like something from a catalog. She's out at work
so much I guess she hasn't got the time to make it messy. I follow Lindsey into the lounge and sit on the sofa. She sits opposite me on the edge of the armchair and folds her arms at me. She shuffles her feet on the floor, as if rubbing something out.

" Sorry. I'm just kind of busy. "

" Doing what? "

She shrugs. " You can't assume everyone's free just because you are. "

I feel something inside of me as I look at her, and I realize in one absolute clear moment that I don't like her at all.

" You know what? " I say. " Forget it I'll do the list by myself. "
She stands up, swings her stupid hair about and tries to look offended. It's a trick that works with most guys, but I'm not most guys. It makes no difference to the way I feel about her.

" I didn't say I wouldn't come! ".
But she's bored of me, it's obvious. She wishes I'd hurry up and die so she can get on with her
life.

" No, no, you stay here. " I tell her. " Everything always turns out shit with you anyway! "

She follows me out into the hallway. " No, it doesn't! "

I turn on the mat. " I mean for me. Haven't you ever noticed how any shit falling always lands on my head, never yours? "
She frowns. " When. When does this happen? "

" All the time. sometimes I wonder if you're friends with me so you can keep being the lucky one. "

" Jesus! " she says. " Can you stop talking about yourself for one minute! There are other people in this world who also have problems! "

" Shut up! " I tell her. And it feels so good that I tell her again.

" No. " she says. " You shut up! You're always going on about how your life is fucking bad,
Gee. What the fuck about me?! What about my problems! "

" You have no problems! You're care-free! "

" No! "

" Yes. " I've stopped yelling at her because as much as I hate her now her face looks purple.

" No! Ugh, you don't know! "

" Then tell me, Lindsey. "
That stops her. She's tucked her lips into her mouth like she's got a secret and she doesn't want to tell me. Her silence takes such a long gap that for a moment I think about leaving her and her now red serious face.

When she finally speaks, her voice is heavy and dull. " I'm pregnant. "

" Oh my God! "

" I wasn't going to tell you. "

" Are you sure? "

She walks over to the sofa and sinks down. " I did two test. "

" Did you do them right? "

" If the second window turns pink and stays pink, then you're pregnant. It stayed pink twice. "

" Oh my God! "

" Would you stop saying that? "

" Does Matt know? "

She nods. " I couldn't find him that day at the supermarket and he wouldn't answer his phone all weekend, so I went round to his house yesterday and made him listen. He hates me. You should have seen the look on his face. "

" Like what? "

" Like I'm an idiot. Like how can I be so stupid? He's definitely seeing someone else. "

I want to I walk over to her and stroke her shoulders, the tough curve of her spine. I don't though, because I don't think she'd want me to.

" What will you do? "
She shrugs. And in that shrug I see her fear. She looks twelve.

" You could have it, Lindsey. "

" That's not even funny. "

" It wasn't meant to be. Have it. Why not? "

" I'm not having it because of you! "

I can tell this isn't the first time she's thought this. " Get rid of it then. "
She moans softly as she leans her head against the sofa and stares hopelessly up at the ceiling.

" I'm over three months, " she says. " Do you think that's too late? So you think they'll let me have an abortion? " she wipes a tear from her eye. " I'm so stupid! How could I have been so stupid? Mom's going to find out now. I should've gone to the chemist and got the morning after pill. I wish I never met him! "

I don't know what to say to her. I don't know if she'd even hear me of I think of anything. She feels very far away sitting on that chair.

" I just want it gone, " she says, then looks right at me. " Do you hate me? "

" No. "

" Will you hate me if I get rid of it? "
I might.

" I'm going to make a cup of coffee. "

It's a really nice room. I look out the window while I wait for the pot to brew.

" I'm going to sleep. " Lindsey says. But she doesn't move from the chair and she doesn't close her eyes.

I count as I pour. Lindsey's over three months pregnant. A baby needs nine months to grow, It'll be born in May, same as me. It's one hundred and fifty-five days until May.