Black Veil Brides; One Shots.

CC's POV .

I don't know what to do. I want to tell someone but I don't know who. I don't know anyone who won't judge me. I'm scared that if I tell my band mates, they will kick me out off the band. They might disown me. They might not want to know me anymore.

I looked down at my pale arm which was now decorated it deep cuts and my crimson blood. I sighed deeply as I shakily held my razor in my hand.

I pressed it against my skin and I dragged it deeply. I put all my emotions in my cut. All the pain and upset, the disappointment, I put it all in my cuts.

I sighed in relief as I watched my blood spill from the deep wound I have inflicted on myself.

"I'm just a disappointment." I whispered harshly to myself. "No one will ever love you."

I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and pressed it to my cuts, wincing slightly at the sharp pain that ran up my arm.

I don't use towels to clean my cuts, as I could get caught. I figured that out months ago when I stupidly used a white towel to clean up my cuts.

I threw it away in the trash bin, but Jake found it and asked us all about it. I made up some lie that I had picked a scab on my leg and it wouldn't stop bleeding.

luckily, for me, it worked and Jake believed me. No one has asked about it or given it a second thought, thank god.

Ever since then, I've used tissues. At least that way I can dispose of them safely.

I threw away my tissue, that was covered in my blood, in the toilet and I grabbed another one and did the same thing.

I felt numb. I don't feel anything no more. I don't feel happy, or loved or excitement. The CC you see on stage and in videos and magazines is all an act.

Deep down, inside, I'm dying, slowly but surely.

None of the band know, which for me, is a good thing, yet a bad thing as well.

You see, even though I'm scared of telling the band about how I'm feeling, about my addiction and about how depressed I am, I don't want to pile my problems on top of their shoulders. I don't want to make my problems , theirs as well.

But, it's a bad thing as well, because I want help. No, scratch that, I NEED help. Even though I feel dead inside, I don't think I'm ready to die. I'm just scared of how much more I can take, how much more my body can take.

Andy has enough to deal with, with everyone hating on him because of his speech at the Golden Gods awards and his new haircut , plus the stress of being on tour, he doesn't need it.

He'll never love me as well. Why would he? I'm just a waste of space. Im useless, worthless. Good at nothing, apart from hurting myself and being a dick to everyone.

I'm pushing people away. I can feel it. I'm just scared to get close to anyone really. I've been that close to someone, I put all my trust and love into this one guy, for him to throw it all back in my face.

For him to disown me as soon as be found out that I'm gay. He spread rumours about me, saying that I tried to kiss and touch him. I got bullied for that. That lead to me being the way I am now.

"Hey CC, hurry up. I need to pee!" Andy banged on the door.

My eyes widened as I threw the bloody tissue in the bin.

"Y-Yeah, okay. One m-minute!" I said, my voice going wobbly.

"CC, you okay buddy?" Andy asked, concern coating his words.

"I'm fine!" I said quickly.

Too quickly.

Andy tried to open the door but couldn't because I locked it.

"Buddy, open the door."

I looked around for my bracelets, hating myself for forgetting when I put them.

"N-no!!"

"CC, please!" Andy turned the door handle and tried to open the door again as I searched desperately for my bracelets, my heart racing a mile a minute.

As soon as I found them, Andy managed to barge into the bathroom. His face went as white as a sheet as he looked at my arm.

"A-Andy. It's not what y-you t-think!" I stuttered, tears filling my eyes, blurring my vision.

"Chuppy..." He whispered as he walked closer to me.

I instantly folded my arms across my chest and took a step back, looking away in shame.

Andy came closer to me and gently grabbed my arm. I let him pull it away from my chest and inspect it.

I looked up as I heard him sigh. I bite my lip as I saw tears filling Andy's eyes as he stroked my fresh wounds.

Andy rarely cries, even when his grandad died, he didn't cry and he was so close to him.

"Andy..." I whispered.

"Chuppy, why?" He looked at me as tears rolled down his cheeks.

That was it. That was all I needed.

I broke down in tears, letting all my upset and anger out. Andy pulled me close to him and I cried on his shoulder. I tried to calm my crying down, but the more I thought about what I was going to tell him, the more I cried.

Andy continued to rub my back soothingly and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. It was nice to finally have someone to hold me. Usually, I would cry at night and I'd wrap my arms around myself, like I was trying to hold myself together.

When I managed to calm my crying down, I pulled away from Andy to notice that he had a huge wet spot in his shoulder from where I have cried.

"S-sorry about t-that." I whispered.

"Don't worry about that chuppy, its not that important right now, what is important is you talking." Andy whispered, soothingly.

I bite my lip. I wanted to tell Andy, but as soon as I was gonna tell him, the words got stuck in my throat. Andy opened the first aid cupboard and grabbed some wipes and a bandage. I bite my lip as more tears rolled down my cheek.

"Like i said, Chuppy, take all the time you need." Andy said softly as he held my arm in his soft, big hands.

I watched as he got the wipe and wiped my arm with it, trying his hardest to be gentle, but that didn't stop the shooting sting it gave me.

Andy looked up at me and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry.."

"N-no. It's fine." I whispered as i looked down at the ground. Andy continued to wipe my arm. I was so use to the stinging sensation, that i didn't feel it anymore.

Andy threw away the wipe and he gently started to bandage my arm up. Once he was done, he placed a gentle kiss on my arm and engulfed me into a bear hug. Not too rough, but not too soft either.

The sudden actions from my lover, caught me off guard for a second, but Andy continued to hold me. After a while, i gingerly wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest, enjoying the warmth and the feeling of feeling safe for once. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enjoy the moment whilst it lasted.

Andy pulled away, too soon for my liking, and he took my hand and gently rubbed it with his thumb. It sent shivers down my spine. He opened the bathroom door and walked to the bunks.

He walked to his bunk and let go off my hand. The feeling of emptiness arrived back. He went to get in his bunk as i walked back to mine.

So, this is it. You clean me up and leave me, just like everyone else. I blinked back tears as i was near my bunk.

"Chuppy!" Andy whispered yelled. I spun around on my heels as i wiped my tears away with the back of my hand.

"W-what?" I whispered back, barely audible.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to my bunk..."

"No, no, no." Andy took my hand and pulled me to his bunk. "Did you really think that i was going to leave you alone? We need to talk baby."

My ears pricked up as soon as i heard he had called me 'baby.' I felt special.

Andy let me climb into his bunk first before joining me. He lay on his back and patted the space next to him. I shuffled next to him and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to his chest. I rested my head on his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Why chuppy?" Andy asked softly, again. My heart started beating fast in my chest.

You have to tell him CC, you need help, now, before you get out off control...

I opened my mouth, but once again, the words were stuck in my throat. I closed my mouth again, took a deep breath and spoke.

"Because i hate myself. I'm not perfect. I'm not worth anything. All my life, i have been lied to. I've just been a toy for people. People come and go and they leave me, feeling broken and worthless. I have so much hatred towards myself. I'm not skinny enough, i can feel the fat clinging onto my stomach and thighs. I'm not perfect Andy. I'm dying to be perfect. It's the one thing i want the most. It's the one thing i want more than anything. I'd kill to be perfect. To be good at something."

"My self harming started in high school. As a kid, i was always different, the outcast, but to me, it was normal. I had a normal and perfect loving family. My mom and dad loved me, but as soon as i went to high school, i got bullied for being different. I got called emo, faggot, cunt, worthless, fat, disgusting, every name you can think off. Yeah, it was just name calling at first, but it gradually got worse. I'd end up being beaten up, before and after school. I'd go home with black eyes and cut lips. Bruises on my back, stomach and ribs from when they have beaten me to a pulp, but it wasn't just the jocks that beat me up, it was also the girls."

"I somehow managed to hide it all from my mom and dad, they thought i was okay, just because i was smiling, how wrong were they. The day i started is the day i regret, i can remember it all so clearly." I paused to wipe away some tears, only to have my hand taken away and Andy's hand replacing my own. He then held my hand, tightly.

"Go on Chuppy." He whispered soothingly. I took a deep breath and carried on.

"It was last lesson, Math, i was sat at the back, as always, keeping myself to myself. No one noticed me, not even the teachers. The bell went and i stood up and grabbed my bag and i went out off the classroom in such a rush, that i bumped into one of the jocks that beats me up daily, i didn't mean to bump into him, i was in such a rush to get away, that i wasn't looking where i was going. I tried my hardest to say i was sorry and for him not to beat me. Did it work? No. He dragged me by my shirt, he got some of his whores involved and he beat me up at the back of the school building. He punched me that hard, he cracked my jaw, he ripped my shirt up and he burnt all of my things. Once i was curled up in a ball, that's when his whores started to get involved. The kicked me and kicked me and kicked me until i was in that much pain, i couldn't feel it.

"When they finally got sick of me, they ran away, leaving me in agonising pain. I managed to walk home, even though every step hurt like a bitch. I got home to find my mom home in tears with my dad nowhere to be found. An empty whiskey bottle lay next to my mom. She looked at me and said that my dad had left. He didn't love my mom no more, so he just left, leaving a note saying why and money."

"My mom blamed me for that. She slapped me across the face, she called me a worthless bitch. She told me she wished i was dead and that she wished she never had me." I paused to take a deep breath. Andy stroked my hand with his thumb and he kissed my temple softly.

"I took a shower and that's when i did it. I saw dad's old razor and i used it to hurt myself. I hide my cuts with long sleeves and bracelets. No one asked me about them, why would they? I'm nothing, until i saw him."

"His name is Ashley, Ashley Turner. He was so beautiful and i fell for him as soon as i lay my eyes one him."

"Wait." Andy stopped me and i looked at him. "You're gay?" I swallowed and nodded slowly. I forgotten that my band members didn't know about my sexuality.

"Carry on."

"He noticed me. I thought he liked me as much as i liked him. I was so so wrong. He invited me round to his house. We had sex. It meant nothing to him, but to me, it was special. The next day, i went to talk to him, but he completely blanked me. When i went to confront him about it, he called me a waste of space. He said he saw my cuts and he said it's disgusting. He said that if i was going to self harm, then i should do it properly. He said no one will ever love me and i believed him. I went home to a drunken mother. She didn't care. No one cared. I went home and cut deeper than normal. I wish i was dead. I wish i wasn't here no more. I don't want to be alive. I hate myself so much Andy. I wish you never knocked on the door, i wish i was dead right now."

I sat up and pulled and tugged at my hair in anger and upset. Andy sat up to and pulled me close to his chest. I cried hysterically on his chest again as he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and rocked me back and forth.

"Shh, calm down baby. It's going to be okay. I need you, you are so much more than them. Look at them now compared to you baby. You are so much better than them and him, that boy that used you, is a dick. He's lost something so precious. I'm glad i've found you and i'm glad you've told me baby. You've opened up to me and that's the first step to getting better. I'm not leaving your side baby, never. I wont let you go through this on your own."

I looked up at Andy and smiled softly. I wiped my nose.

"P-Promise?" Andy smiled and nodded.

"I promise baby. Now, lets get some sleep." I yawned as Andy lay back down, with me in his arms. I cuddled up to his side, once again, enjoying his warmth and comfort.

Time Lapse : Morning.

I woke up to find that Andy wasn't by my side. I sighed deeply. I guess it was just all words to him..

Don't be stupid CC! Andy promised you and Andy never breaks his promises.

I shook my head and crawled out off his bunk. I padded my way to the living room, as i yawned and ran my fingers through my knotted hair. I felt so tired, but i guess crying half the night really doesn't help.

"Hey C. You okay? You look like shit." I frowned at Ash.

"Thanks for that Ash." I grumbled.

"Just saying." I sighed deeply as Jake elbowed Ash in the side. I looked down at my lap.

"Where's Andy?" I asked the guys.

Before any of them could answer, the blue eyed beauty came in from the bathroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily. I smiled slightly. I felt guilty for keeping Andy up half the night. He sat down next to me and smiled.

Everyone was having a conversation about how many girls they have fucked, Ash obviously brung the subject up. I looked at Andy who was chuckling at the conversation.

"Andy." I whispered as i played with my fingers.

"Mm?" He looked at me.

"Thank you, for yesterday." I smiled shyly.

"No need to thank me, i hate seeing my friends upset. I'm always happy to help." I smiled again but i couldn't help but feel my heart sinking to the bottom of my stomach.

Friends. That's it. Me and Andy have been Friend zoned. The worst possible feeling ever...

"Hey guys. Shall we get something to eat and have a games night?" Jinxx suggested. We all nodded as they all decided to get ready. Andy and Ash running to the bathroom. They always fight over who has the bathroom first.

Jake and Jinxx laughed as i looked down at my lap, again.

"You not coming?" I looked up at Jake as i shook my head.

"Nah, i'm going to stay here. I don't really fancy going out." I replied back as my phone buzzed. I picked it up as Jake and Jinxx went off to get ready.

My heart beat sped up as i read the messages over and over again.

"We're going to get you, you emo faggot."

"You should have cut yourself and died, you worthless piece of shit."

"No one will ever love you, not even Andy."

"I've been watching you. I want revenge. You're going to be dead when i'm done with you."

I swallowed and hide my phone as the guys came back in.

"Lets go!" Ashley said as he headed towards the door. I looked at Andy and swallowed a lump that had formed in the back of my throat.

"Are you going to be okay baby?" I nodded and faked a smile, something i've become so good at perfecting over these years.

"Mm, okay baby. I'll be back in 30 minutes tops. Okay?" I nodded again as Andy softly kissed the corner of my lips. What is he doing? Why is he sending me mixed messages..

It's because he feels sorry for you. He feels sorry for a pathetic, worthless person like you.

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head, but they kept coming back. My demons are coming back to me. I can't take much more of this.

As i watched Andy leave, i shot up and walked to my bunk. I grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, some pills and my razor.

I walked back to the living room and sat down. I began to write my suicide letter.

Dear, my beloved band mates. I am writing this to tell you that now is my time. I cannot take much more of this. Everyday is a living nightmare. It hurts knowing that, every day i wake up, i;'m alive and i don't want to be. I've tried so hard to fight my demons, but no matter how hard i try, they just keep coming back again to haunt me. I'm tired of living this nightmare. I want to be dead and that is how you are going to find me when you get back. The urge to die has never been this strong before. Now is my time.

Andy, i'm greatful for what you've done for me. Thank you for staying up with me half the night last night to make sure that i was okay. I cannot thank you enough. There is also something else i have to say. Andy, i love you. I've always loved you and knowing that we have been friend zoned, kills me. I cannot take it anymore. My heart cannot take it. I can't look at you without wishing that one day, you'd be mine, but i guess that will never happen as you're not bisexual nor are you gay. Once again, i thank you for listening to me and being there for me, it felt nice, even thought it was too late.

Ashley, you're my best mate. You've always made me smile, no matter what. Yeah, you annoy me, and the rest of the band with the amount of whores you bring back to the bus. How many phone numbers do you have now? Thirty, maybe forty. I hope that one day, you will settle down and find the right one. I know you will, you're irresistible. Remember that time when we went to the amusement park and this chick wanted you to leave me and go fuck with her and you didn't? I never got to say thank you, so, here it is. Thank you Ash. It meant a lot to me. I love you Ashley. Stay Purdy.

Jake, even though we didn't really get along at first, you've grown on me. The days that we'd spend in the park being pricks with each other and just joking around, those are the best memories. The memories that i will never ever forget. You mean a lot to me too. I hope you and Ella live happily ever after. I hope you both have the perfect wedding you've been dreaming off. I hope you have kids and if it's a boy, name it after me. Haha. I love you Jake.

Jinxx, you're like the father of the group. No matter what, you've always been there for us all, through thick and thin. I cannot thank you enough for what you have done, for not only the whole band, but for me too. Knowing that you was here for me, meant a lot to me. I hope you and Sammi live happily ever after also and if you have children, name i after me also. Haha. I love you Jinxx.

I love you all and no matter what, i'll still be here for you. Not physically, but in your head and hearts. I hope you all treasure those special memories we've all shared together. From Ash making a fool out of himself, to Andy cutting his hair and the fans freaking out and us all laughing about it. I will be watching each and every one of you to make sure that everything is going good. One thing i request, is that you all carry on as normal. Don't stop doing what you all do best, just because i'm gone. This is my finally goodbye. I love each and everyone of you, Andy. I love you so so so so so so much baby...

Lots and lots of love, CC AKA, Chuppy.

I wiped away all my tears as i put my pen down. I grabbed the bottle of pills and i tipped them out onto my hand. I looked down at the pills as i tear fell onto my hand.

"Here goes." I whispered. I dry swallowed all the pills and grabbed my razor. I took my bandage off that Andy put on and i pressed the razor against my skin, deeply.

I hissed in pain as i watched the blood spill out from my open wound. I carried on doing it, until i felt dizzy and lightheaded. I lay down on the floor and smiled. I clutched my razor in my hand. I couldn't do no more. I felt weak. Light headed.

I'm dying.

I closed my eyes as i faintly heard the door open.

"Oh my gosh! Chuppy!" Andy's voice was the last thing i heard before i fell into an unwaking, deep and blissful sleep