Beauty Needs an Animal to Breathe

The events that occurred the past couple of days caused me to shut everyone and everything out. I needed to think. I had cheated on Vic. Twice. And this time, I don't think he's going to forgive me. I wouldn't. 

I decided to go and try and apologize to Vic. I don't expect him to forgive me, I just want him to know I'm sorry. I went to the PTV bus and knocked. Mike opened the door.

"What the fuck do you want?" Mike said.

"I just need to talk to Vic." I said, trying to make it sound like I wasn't crying, which I was earlier.

"Well, he doesn't wanna see you right now. He told me what happened between you guys. And all I have to say is wow. You're a lying piece of shit. I cannot believe you did that to Vic. And it's not the first time you did this either. After everything that you two have been through in the last year, you just go off and fuck somebody else. You make me fucking sick. Vic deserves so much better."

"I know. I'm sorry." I said.

"Yeah, you should be sorry. So do us a favor and get the fuck away from our bus." Mike said. He slammed the bus the door. I stood outside looking at the ground in shame before walking back to my bus I dragged myself into my bunk and laid down with my face in the pillow. After doing absolutely nothing, I decided to at least go watch PTV's set.

"How are you guys doing tonight?" Vic yelled into the microphone. The crowd cheered in response. Nevada's show was sold out tonight. The entire venue was packed with people. I don't think there was one open space.

"Good to hear, good to hear. Have you guys had an awesome time tonight?" The crowd cheered in response again. "We've got time for two more songs. I want to hear everybody in this entire venue sing along. This song is called 'Caraphernelia'."

"Sunshine, there ain't a thing that you can do that's gonna ruin my night
But there's just something about
This dizzy dreamer and her bleeding little blue boy
Licking your fingers like you're done and
You've decided there is so much more than me. (Oh)
And baby honestly it's harder breathing next to you, I shake
I brought a gun and as the preacher tried to stop me,
Hold my heart it's beating for you anyway

What if I can't forget you? (Oh)
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole
Oh

Nobody prays for the heartless (No!)
Nobody gives another penny for the selfish
(You're learning how to taste what you kill now)
Don't mind me, I'm just reaching for your necklace
Talking to my mom about this little girl from Texas

What if I can't forget you? (Oh)
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole

Just give her back to me
You know I can't afford the medicine that feeds what I need
So baby what if I can't forget you? (What if I can't forget you?)
Collide invisible lips like a shadow on the wall and just throw, oh no
You can't just throw me away!"

I knew that he was pretty much singing about me. I just knew it. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked right at me and began to sing the next part.

"So what if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
What if I don't even want to

What if I can't forget you?
I'll burn your name into my throat
I'll be the fire that'll catch you
What's so good about picking up the pieces?
None of the colors ever light up anymore in this hole

Just give her back to me
You know I can't afford the medicine that feeds what I need
So baby what if I can't forget you? (What if I can't forget you?)
I'd better learn to live alone

What's so good about picking up the pieces?
What's so good about, what's so good about
What's so good about picking up the pieces?"

The crowd was going insane. Tears rolled down Vic's cheeks. He wiped his eyes and smiled at the crowd.

"Thank you guys so much." He said, smiling into the microphone. I missed that smile. That smile that showed he felt truly alive. I only ever saw it when he was performing or with me. Performing will probably be the only time I'll ever see that smile again.

~Time lapse~

A few hours later, the buses were on their way back to California. The last show of the tour was incredible. Saying goodbye to everybody sucked. The guys told me that Vic had come to say goodbye. After they played Caraphernelia, I was gone. I had been in the back lounge, whereas the guys were all in the front. I remembered that Vic was going to get all his things from our my apartment.

About two hours later, the bus had dropped me off at my apartment. I said goodbye to the guys and unlocked the door and walked in. Midnight came out from under the couch and ran over to me. I threw my stuff on the couch before closing the door and picking her up.

"You're gonna hate me, I know it." I said, kissing the cat's head. I put her down before going into the kitchen to find myself something to eat. I heard the door open and someone walk in. Vic.

"Hey." I heard him say. I turned around, my lips pressed into a thin line. "Hey."

He pointed at our room "I just came to get my things."

"Okay." I said. A few minutes later, he was at the door with his things.

"Well, I'm leaving now."

"Okay. Bye." I said while going back into the kitchen. He opened the door and left. I put my head down on the counter. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. That was the only thing running through my mind. Because I fucked up, Vic was gone. I dragged myself into our room, or I guess it's my room now, and laid on the bed. I pulled his pillow to my face and breathed in deeply. It smelt like him and that made me feel worse.

That night, I slept on his side, hoping that this was all a dream.