Let the Walls Fall Down

Christmas and New Years have come and went; it’s now January 3, 2012. I’m sitting in my Aunt’s house in Texas, bored out of my mind. Everyone is treating me like I am five years old because of my fake amnesia. I know lying to my entire family is a horrible thing to do, but I know the minute that I tell my parents the truth they will freak out. They still think I am a virgin, they don’t even know about my pregnancy scare when I was with Nick. I don’t want them to be disappointed in me. Keeping up the charade is becoming insanely difficult though because I can’t remember much from the time period that I claim to be in so I am mixing up things, but everyone just chalks it up to my head injury.

I got up off of the couch and wondered down the hall to find out where Priscilla had gone off to. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a familiar voice coming from her bedroom. “How is she doing?” I heard Brian’s voice ask. I peeked through the crack and saw that Priscilla was sitting at her desk as she Skype’d with Brian.

“She’s okay, the best she can be really.” Priscilla shrugged.

“She still hasn’t remembered anything?” he asked cautiously. There was so much pain in his voice and that broke my heart. No matter how much he hurt me, I never ever wanted to hurt him.

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head with a sigh.

“Do you think she would talk to me?” it was more of him wondering than a real question.

“I’m not sure.” She sighed. I could see the pain written on Brian’s face and I don’t know what came over me but I knocked on Priscilla’s door causing her to jump. “Oh, um hi.” She said nervously. She looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Any other time I would have laughed, but I have to maintain appearances.

“What’s going on?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“Brian just wanted to see how you were doing.” She said quickly.

“I should just go.” Brian said but I stopped him. “No, you obviously wanted to talk to me so I’ll budge.” I walked over and sat on the chair with Priscilla.

A flash of hope washed over Brian’s face and I immediately felt guilty, I don’t want to give him any false hope. Even though I know this was wrong, I couldn’t help myself. I needed to talk to him, even if I have to pretend not to know him. I finally admit that I have fallen completely and utterly in love with Brian Logan Dales and I can’t do a damn thing about it. “I miss you.” Brain said breaking me from my thoughts.

“I wish I could say the same.” I smiled apologetically. My whole body was screaming ‘I miss you too’ because I do. I miss his touch; I miss just being in his presence.

“If you just give me the chance I could help you remember us. Or at least get to know each other all over again. I’m willing to fight for you, Selena. You may not remember me, but I remember every second we ever shared and I can’t just forget it. I probably shouldn’t be laying all of this on you, but I can’t hold it in any longer. I miss you and I need you in my life even if it is just us becoming friends. It’s better than nothing.” Tears streamed down his face but he made no move to wipe them away, I don’t even think he realized that he is in fact crying.

Seeing him cry was the dirt on my casket. I might as well be dead and buried right now because I can’t take this anymore. A lump has formed in my throat and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I had to make him forget me because I don’t even know if Lex and Jack’s plan is going to work and if it doesn’t then I can’t be his friend. I can’t be anything to him but a memory. So I had to put the nails in his casket and shatter all his feelings for me for my own selfish reasons. I wish I could just tell him the truth, but by the past situations he most likely won’t believe me, so this is how it has to be. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath before looking up at him. “I wish I could be your friend, you seem like a really nice guy, but I can’t do that. I love Nick and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.” I paused trying to swallow the lump in my throat and choke back the tears. “I won’t do anything to ruin that. Maybe me forgetting you was a sign that we weren’t meant to be together. So just forget about me and live your life. I’m sorry.” I said and quickly ended the chat.

As soon as Priscilla’s laptop screen went back to her desktop I broke down crying. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I stood up and tried to calm myself down but the tears wouldn’t subside. I picked up a plastic cup that was sitting on Priscilla’s desk holding pens in it and threw it across her room and let out a frustrated scream. Priscilla got up and came over to me, giving me a tight hug. “When are you going to come clean?” she asked me quietly.

I pulled away from her, giving her a confused look. Does she know my secret? I wiped away a few stray tears and turned my back to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I mumbled.

“Selena, I have known you my entire life so I know when you’re lying. I’ve kept quiet because obviously you are hiding from something, but I have to know what the hell is going on. I can’t keep lying to Brian, not when he is calling me every single day to ask how you are doing. He’s in love with you and he’s hurting, so why are you doing this to him, to everyone?” her voice grew more frustrated by the second. I should have known that she would figure it out because she and Demi can read me like a book. I’m surprised that Demi hasn’t caught on yet.

“Because if I don’t make him move on and forget about me then I am going to crack and run to him and never let him go. And if I do that then the whole world will see me and him having sex thanks to his bitch ass best friend.” I said as I turned back to face her. Her jaw dropped instantly.

“You made a sex tape?” she scrunched up her face in disgust.

“No I didn’t. But Debby put cameras in Brian’s loft and caught us having sex more than once. She threatened to leak the videos if I don’t break up with Brian. I had no excuse to really break up with him, even though we weren’t officially dating. But he went and took Debby’s side on everything so I ended things, but he kept trying to apologize. I would have taken him back instantly, but obviously I can’t unless I want those tapes leaked. I would tell him but that wouldn’t do any good so when I fell I just pretended not to remember so it would be easier.” I explained.

“He would believe you if you told him that she took this grudge so far.” She tried to defend him.

“I highly doubt it; he puts her on a pedestal. Plus if I tell him about the videos then he’ll want to know why she will leak them and I can’t exactly tell him why because that’s why she’s blackmailing me.” I sighed.

“What happened?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Remember how I told you that Debby is pregnant and that’s why she and Alex can’t get back together?” she nodded. “She’s not really pregnant. I threatened to tell Demi and Alex, but she turned the tables and said if I didn’t keep my mouth shut about that and if I don’t leave Brian then she’ll leak the videos.”

“That fucking bitch, I’m going to kill her.” She said frustrated.

“Jack and Lex are going to take her down, so you won’t have to go to jail for murder.” I giggled with amusement.

“Wait, Jack and Lex know you’re faking? You tell them but not me? Rude!” she gasped playfully.

“No I didn’t, Jack figured it out the day of the accident. And Lex overheard us talking so they came up with a plan. It’s supposed to go down in three days.” I informed her.

“This is not going down without me. So pack a bag, we’re going to Baltimore. They are there right?” she rambled as she went to her closet and pulled out a suitcase.

“Far as I know.” I shrugged. “But what are we going to tell our parents? I’m not supposed to remember them.”

“We’ll say that I miss my friends so I’m going to go visit them and think it’ll be good for your memory to be around people that are currently in your life.” She stated with a confident nod.

“I guess it could work. Nick decided to go to Colorado with Joe anyways so it’s not like he’s going to be here to entertain me and Demi should be arriving back in LA today I think. Baltimore sounds like fun right now, I miss the guys.” I shrugged. Might as well be around people who know I am faking than having to keep faking. It’s all giving me a migraine.

Thankfully my Mom bought our reasoning for going to Baltimore. She thought it was a good idea. To be honest I was surprised she was so accepting of Jack and Lex since they are older, but she said that she got to know them while I was in the hospital and thought they were charming guys who obviously cared a lot about me and that gave them brownie points. Priscilla and I packed our suitcases in record time, mostly because we were getting tired of being coddled in her house. And we found a flight to Baltimore tonight so that motivated us more.

“So is the song you’ve been writing about Brian?” she asked when we were on the plane. I gave her a questioning look because I was careful to not let anyone see that I had been writing. “I saw you writing the other night so I peaked.”

“How did you know?” I asked her.

She bent down and picked up her purse and pulled out a piece of paper. A piece of paper that was from my journal to be exact. “Because I know you. Plus it’s pretty obvious with the lyrics.” She pointed out then started to recite the words I had written. “Walls, you can build them all around, just to shield a piece of your world out of sight. And I needed you to look through to the shadows I tried to bury inside. Drawing them out to the light, you showed me I got nothing here to hide. Now I can be who I am, now I can stand up for everyone to see. Taking this life in my hands, now I can be, now I can be the real me. Free, of defenses, finally, and I'm somehow safer than I've ever felt. You, tend to be you, now I know I don't have to be someone else. When I'm with you, I'm just myself, now I can be who I am.”

“I guess I can see what you’re talking about. “It’s not really about him; it’s more about how he made me a stronger person.”

“And you my dear cousin are a very strong person.” She smiled. I just wish I felt like I was a strong person right now. The rest of the plane right was quite, we both listened to our music.

I was excited to see the guys again and Priscilla was excited to get in on their plan. She really wanted to stick it to Debby for hurting me and Demi. But what neither of us were expecting was that Lex wasn’t home the following morning. But his lovely girlfriend who really doesn’t like me was home.

“What do you want?” Lisa snarled at me when she answered the door.

“Look, I get it you don’t like me and I have no idea why, but I really need to know where Alex is.” I told her annoyed.

“Alex and Jack went to LA yesterday. And you know why I don’t like you, you’re trying to steal my boyfriend.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. What the hell is this girl talking about?

“I thought you said it wasn’t supposed to happen until this weekend.” Priscilla whispered to me.

“It’s not.” I whispered back with a shrug then turned back to Lisa. “I’m not trying to steal Lex from you. He’s like the big brother I never had and that’s it.”

“He hasn’t shut up about you for weeks, it’s getting very damn annoying.” She said in disgust.

“I’m sorry about that, but it should be over soon. He’s just been helping me out of a bad situation.” I explained to her.

“Bad situation?” she questioned.

“He’s not just protecting me; he’s protecting Demi, Brian and Alex Deleon. I’m the one being blackmailed, but it affects all four of us. And you know that Lex and Jack don’t like when people mess with their friends. They both are just trying to protect us all so they are helping me since the other three don’t even know that their lives are being fucked with.” I told her.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” She apologized sincerely as she fiddled with her fingers.

I shrugged, “It’s okay. I would be upset too if my boyfriend wouldn’t shut up about another girl. Which is why I’m in this situation anyways.”

“We should get to LA then.” Priscilla nudged me with her elbow.

“Um, if it’s not a problem, I would like to help. I mean I don’t know Alex all the well, but I’ve become friends with Brian and he doesn’t deserve to be messed with. Plus I know how much Lex’s friends mean to him.” Lisa said nervously. She seemed like a nice girl and we could really use all the help we can get.

“How fast can you pack a suitcase?” I smiled at her. She smiled brightly and finally invited us inside. While she packed a bag, Priscilla called the airport to book us all a flight and I called Jack to let him know what was going on.

On the plane ride to LA I got to know Lisa and I was right, she is a nice girl. I can see why Lex is totally in love with her. It was nice to make new friends. But I really just want to get this nightmare over with. I just hope that everyone will forgive me for my indiscretion after they know why I lied. And I pray that Debby doesn’t leak any of the videos or something before we can bring her down.