Let the Walls Fall Down

As I was getting ready to go out to lunch with Nick, my cell phone started ringing. It better not be him canceling on me because I will hunt him down and punch him, really hard. But when I picked up my phone, I saw that it was Alex Gaskarth. I was curious to why he was calling me, especially after Selena and Dallas telling me that I should contact him to get Alex Deleon’s number. Had they hacked my phone and called him?

“Hey bestie!” I answered my phone cheerfully.

“’Sup crazy girl?” he responded.

“Nothing much, just getting ready to go to lunch.” I told him as I picked up my mascara.

“Cool.” He said then got quiet. “So I had a surprising visitor last night.” He told with a hint of amusement in his voice. It couldn’t be my sister because I saw her at breakfast, and I am pretty sure that Selena said she was going to Texas.

“Oh really? Who?” I asked curiously.

“Your best friend, Selena.” He chuckled.

What the hell? How did she even track him down? Oh wait he is on tour, so it is pretty easy to find out where he is. Guess she was dead serious about trying her best to get me and Alex back together. She really is a good friend, but she really didn’t have to go through all of this trouble. “So how did that go?” I laughed as I put my phone on speaker so I could apply my makeup.

“It was a load of fun. We got her and her cousin drunk. Her friend was oddly over protective though.”

“Whoa, wait, drunk?” I interrupted him because that was shocking news to me. Selena has never touched alcohol that I know of. She saw how I spiraled out of control and that scared her, so what the hell did these guys do to my best friend? “What the hell did you guys do? Corrupt my best friend? That is not Selena at all.”

“She was all game, trust me. She kept grabbing the bottle from me and drinking it. At first she seemed skittish but after a while she was drinking like a champ. But then the night turned sour when that douche kid, Justin, called her.” I could tell that he was clenching his jaw. How bad did Justin make things? I swear I am going to kill that kid; he is pissing me off more and more with his antics. No one hurts my best friend like this and gets away with it. Not even Nick did, he may have been one of my close friends too but seeing Selena cry made me want to hurt someone. So that is exactly what I did, I hurt Nick.

“What happened?” I asked nervously. I was scared to know what happened. With alcohol in Selena’s system, it’s hard to tell how she reacted to Justin being an asshole to her.

“She locked herself in the bathroom. At first we all just let her have her space, but then we heard glass breaking and it scared the crap out of everyone. Her cousin was sitting on the couch crying and panicking. Jack finally managed to break into the bathroom and caught her about to cut herself. She was such a wreck, took him awhile to get her to stop crying.” He explained to me. I could hear the concern and fear in his voice.

“That doesn’t sound like Selena.” I shook my head in disbelief. I was prepared to hear that she spouted profanities at Justin or something crazy like that, but never in a million years did I think I would hear that she was going to harm herself. “She would never try and cut herself, especially after her seeing what I went through. She was worried sick about me for years, she wouldn’t.” I kept shaking my head and had tears in my eyes. This was so scary to hear. For the first time I understand what my friends and family went through.

“She seems a bit depressed. She said that she’s tired of being the girl Disney has made her. She had so much fun last night and she said she can’t be that girl because she’s under a microscope. She hates the things that she hears and reads about herself. She’s starting to crumble. I know that I don’t know her and my opinion may not matter. I could be totally wrong about this, but I’m seeing the signs that I saw with you. You might want to stay close to her.” Alex told me, genuinely concerned for Selena’s wellbeing.

“It doesn’t sound like her at all, but she has been through so much lately that it would break the strongest person. Thanks for the heads up and for the concern.” I sighed as a few tears fell from my eyes. “How did she seem this morning?”

“We all had to wake up early since we had to go to Georgia, but she seemed like a different person. She seemed happy, like last night never happened. But we both know how easy it is to put on a smile so people will think everything is okay.” He pointed out and he was totally right. I had to help Selena, the way she always helped me.

“I know that better than anybody.” I bit my lip, thinking back onto all the years I faked a smile and fooled the world.

“Let her know that we are all her friends now and she can always come to us and we’ll show her a good time.” He laughed and so did I.

“You’re horrible.” I shook my head. “But I will let her know. Thanks for being an amazing friend and for letting me know about Selena.”

“No problem. Now I have to go and show these guys who rules.” I laughed and rolled my eyes. We said our good byes and I hung up the phone.

I looked in the mirror with a sigh. My crying has ruined my make-up, but that was the least of my worries. I need to call and make sure that Selena is doing okay and really okay and not a fake okay. So I dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail, this had me insanely worried. Her phone was never off. So I did the only think I knew to do, I called her mom.

“Hello?” she answered the phone.

“Hey, Mandy, it’s Demi.” I sighed; I don’t know if I really should be doing this. I hated when people went behind my back to my parents. But there is a difference between me and Selena, I didn’t know I was bipolar and my mood swings were through the roof. Selena is just mixed up and depressed and she needs a good support group around her. If what she told Jack and Alex was right and she’s just tired of being what Disney has made her to be then she is going to need her mom to guide her in the right direction. Mandy always gives the best advice; she helped me through so much and was a big inspiration to me.

“Oh, hey sweetie. Did you need something? I’m not with Selena if that’s who you’re looking for.” She asked confused.

“I know that she’s in Florida. I actually wanted to talk to you. I’m worried about Selena.” I told her as I ran my fingers through my hair.

“Why? What happened?” she asked in a panic.

“Nothing has happened, but after this break up with Justin, she’s been really depressed. He’s not helping situations either, by calling her and yelling at her and saying she’s a slut. She was hanging out with a few of my friends yesterday and they said she seemed off and that she said she was tired of this person she is perceived to be. She wants to be a normal girl and she hates that if she does one thing out of the ordinary that she gets criticized for it.” I explained to her.

“She has been stressing out a lot since she filmed Spring Breakers. All of those nasty comments have taken a toll on her. Guess this break up has sent her over the edge.” She sighed. “I’m going to New York to meet her tomorrow for the Women of the Year banquet, so I will talk to her about it then. Thank you so much Demi, you are truly a wonderful friend to Selena.”

“She was there for me at my lowest point and I can never thank her enough for that. I just don’t want her to get to the point I was. I love Selena like she was my sister and I would do anything for her.” A tear feel from my eye and landed on my vanity.

“You’ve been like a second daughter to me, Demi and you always will be. If you ever need anything you can always call me. And I am so proud of you and how far you have come in your life.” I could hear Mandy start choking up. I love this woman so much.

“That means a lot to me.” I smiled to myself.

“I love you sweetheart.”

“Love you too, Mandy.” I told her. We talked for a few more minutes then hung up.

I sighed heavily when I looked in the mirror; I had mascara running down my cheeks. I’m going to have to start all over. I went into my bathroom and watched my face then redid my makeup. I was finally ready so I text Nick that I would be at Geisha House soon and see when he will be getting there. He said he was just leaving his place too so we should be getting there about the same time. We ended up pulling into the parking lot at the same time.

“So how were your shows overseas?” I asked him after we ordered our food.

“Amazing. The overseas fans are insane.” He chuckled as he took a drink.

“They really are.” I laughed. “It makes the shows much more fun.”

“You should come out to one of the LA shows, there’s four of them in a few weeks.” He told me.

“I will try.” I looked down at my phone, debating if I should bring up Selena.

“How is X-Factor going?” he asked me, taking me out of my thoughts.

“It’s a lot of fun. The talent is insane! Jennel got sent home which really sucks because I had so much faith that she would make it until the end.” I sighed.

“She has a really good voice. I’m sure that someone will see that and help her out with her career.” He reassured me.

“So, remember when you helped me to pick my top three?” he scrunched his eyebrows together but nodded. “Did you really mean that you miss Selena?”

“Of course I meant it. But she won’t even speak to me, so I don’t see how I can tell her that.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“She wasn’t allowed to speak to guys that weren’t Justin’s friends when they were together. He got really mad at her because she was really close friends with this guy, Cameron, and after he saw that he made her cut out all guys that weren’t connected to him or her family.” I explained to him. I hated seeing her go through that relationship. I thought he was a good guy, but when I found out the things he was doing, it made my stomach sick.

“I could kick that kids ass.” He growled. “So the rumors are true? They broke up?”

“Yeah they did. I am really worried about her.” I told him as I fidgeted with my bracelets. Nick went to say something but closed his mouth because the waitress came over with our food.

“Thanks.” He smiled at the waitress. “Why are you worried about her?”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I don’t know if I should be talking about this with him, it was one thing to tell her mom, but it’s Nick and she probably wouldn’t want him to know her personal business. “I can’t really get into the specifics of it all, but with everything going on she’s getting depressed. I talked to her mom about it and she said she’ll look after her.”

“She looked out of it in a picture she posted last night on twitter.” He pointed out as he took a bite of his sushi.

I laughed lightly, “That’s probably because she was. She got drunk last night.”

“That doesn’t sound like Selena.” He cocked his head to the side and gave me a confused look.

“That’s what I said when I heard, but like I said, she’s not herself. That’s why I’m worried about her.” I pushed my sushi around with my chopsticks.

“I feel like I could have prevented this from happening if I had just been the guy she needed me to be and not been so childish.” He said sadly.

I snorted. I may be friends with Nick but I was still insanely ticked off at him when he kept playing not one but two of my friends. “You probably could have. But you can make it up to her.”

“I will try to talk to her.” He nodded. “Is something else bothering you? You seem off today.”

“I really don’t know.” I sighed. “Remember Alex Deleon? You and Joe met him once, we dated while ago.”

“Dude with the hair right?” I laughed at his reference and nodded.

“Yeah that’s him. I wanted to contact him and see if we can’t possibly get back together. Selena and Dallas even said they would help me. But the more I think about it, the more I am talking myself out of it. Why should I think about talking to him when I hurt him so badly?” I explained to him.

“For the same reason you’re telling me to talk to Selena even though I crushed her soul. You want a second chance at love and you obviously care about this guy or else you wouldn’t be thinking about him or wanting him back.” He grinned at me. “I am scared to even think about working on a friendship with Selena, but I won’t let that fear stand in my way. Take a leap of faith, the worst that can happen is that they reject us. But it’s better than always wondering.”

I took a bit of my sushi and sighed. If only he knew what I really did to Alex, he wouldn’t be telling me to take a leap of faith. I shouldn’t be telling him to try to rekindle things with Selena after he played her like he did, but I know Nick and he’s not really a bad guy, he just made stupid decisions. He did clearly love Selena or else he wouldn’t have written Stay for her. That song was so beautiful. But I don’t think I could ask Alex for a second chance knowing the real reason I left him, and once he finds out he would never give me one. But that secret is in the vault and going to the grave. The only person who knows the whole truth is Selena and I know she’d never tell.

“Maybe I will, but I have to find a way to contact him first. Well I have but I don’t know if I should use that source. Though Selena did, but she hasn’t gotten back to me to tell me any information.” I rambled.

“You’re rambling which means you’re hiding something.” Nick raised his eyebrows at me. I hate that he knows me so well. I may have dated his brother, but Nick was always the one I was closest to. We had the same career goals and were both very driven people. We would rather spend hours in the studio then out being normal teenagers.

“I am just worried about Selena, that’s all. I’ve text her a million times and she hasn’t responded. I know she’s not alone, but I just need to know she won’t do what I did. I don’t think I could see her go through what I did.” I let a few tears fall from my eyes, but quickly wiped them away. It wasn’t a complete lie, I was worried about Selena, but that’s not what I am hiding. I thought I could make a new future with Alex, but how can I do that when I am keeping a huge secret from him. This secret could make him hate me and its one thing to find out that he no longer loves me the way he used to, but it’s a whole other thing to have him hate me. I need to ax Selena and Dallas’ plan and soon.

“She’s a strong girl. Plus she has you looking out for her, she will be okay.” He said with so much promise in his voice. I just hope he is right, but I have a bad feeling in my gut that she won’t be. I looked down and saw that we were basically finished with our food so I decided I should get going.

“I should probably get on my way; I have to head over to the X-Factor house and see how CeCe and Paige are doing with their songs for this week.” I told him.

“Okay.” He nodded. He ended up paying for both of our meals even though I told him he didn’t have to, but he insisted.

There was a swarm of paparazzi when we left the restaurant, I just kept my head down and quickly walked to my car. I really didn’t feel like dealing with them right now. I’m sure there are going to be a ton of rumors on the gossip sites tomorrow about this. I wish they would leave us all alone. When I got to my car my phone dinged from receiving a text. I took my phone out of my purse and saw it was from Dallas. I unlocked my phone and opened my messages to see what she needed.

Look what I saw on twitter right now. Looks like he still has it bad for you girl!

Attached was a screen cap of a tweet that Alex posted last night.

@alexanderdeleon I think you are forgetting that I caught you long before you gave me the chance to.

I went to text her back to tell her to leave it alone, even though that tweet made my heart skip a beat. I couldn’t let myself get in too deep. But before I could respond she text me again.

He just tweeted this…Do you think he’s still talking about you?

Again she attached a screen cap of one of Alex’s tweet which read…

@alexanderdeleon …girl I’ve never ever ever loved nobody like I love you…

I have no idea what to think about this tweet, but I couldn’t let myself think about it because the minute I do, I will let it consume me. My heart will always ache for his love, but I have learned to live without it no matter how painful it is on most days. This is how it has to be because I can’t break his heart all over again.