Let the Walls Fall Down

I have spent the last hour at the gym trying to clear my thoughts. I was so confused and scared that I don’t know what to do. But my workout only made me irritated. My iPod was working against me, somehow every song made me think of Alex. And of course with my luck as I was walking down the hall toward the exit, I look up and through the glass doors I see Alex walking toward the door. He was on the phone and smiling at whatever the person he was talking to was saying. I froze in panic; I didn’t know what to do. There was no one else leaving so it wasn’t like we could avoid each other in a crowd. I turned to go toward the yoga classes but ended up bumping into someone and falling on my butt in the process.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” The guy said as he held out his hand to help me up. I took his hand and he helped me up then bent down to retrieve my keys that were still on the floor.

“Thanks and I’m the one who is sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” I apologized to him. As I was taking my keys from him I got a good look at who he was and I froze. He was one of Alex’s band mates.

“You’re Demi right?” he asked curiously. But he already knew the answer so I don’t know why he is asking, unless he thought I was a look alike of myself.

“Yeah and you’re Alex Marshall.” I said sarcastically. “Um, I really should get going.” I said in a panic.

“Why? Because of him?” he nodded toward the entry way. I looked over and he was looking over at Alex who was still on the phone. Didn’t say nothing, I just played with my keys nervously. “Don’t play games with him.”

I looked up at him and scrunched up my face in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re trying to get ahold of him. But now that you’re basically in front of him, you want nothing to do with him. You’ve played games with him before and I am telling you not to do it again. I don’t want to see him all broken again. He’s finally in a good place in his life. I don’t want to see it messed up.” He explained to me calmly, but I was still insanely confused. When had I ever played games with Alex? I may have been a teenager, but I wasn’t stupid. I loved Alex, I still do. Yeah I broke up with him and never gave him an explanation to why but I never played games.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’m not trying to get ahold of him, so whoever told you that should get their facts straight.” I said bitterly.

“You may not be, but someone is trying to for you, that much I do know. Plus you did tweet that suspicious tweet about letting the guy catch you this time. We all know who that song is about.” He pointed out. He got me there.

“So what? It was just a tweet. Just because we all know I wrote that song about him doesn’t mean I had to write that tweet about him.” I argued.

“Again don’t play games again, it’s not very becoming of you.” he folded his arms across his chest. I felt the urge to punch him right now, but I refrained.

“What the hell are you talking about? I never played games with him!” I exasperated.

“You did though, you may not have intended it but you did. You broke up with him so suddenly. But you never ignored his calls when he called, at first at least. Then one day you end up at his house in tears. He comforted you, and that gave him hope. He thought by you seeking out his comfort for whatever was bothering you that just maybe you two could have a second chance. Then in the middle of the night you disappear without a single word and after that you cut him loose for good. That played with his mind so badly. He was distraught for the longest time. But he’s finally in a good place so if you’re not serious about whatever you want with him then don’t even try because I won’t let you break him again.” His voice was calm but stern, he meant business. I understand the stern, bitter tone in his voice because if I were in his position I would react the same way. Friendship is the second most important thing in life, just below family. Though they both go hand in hand basically. I don’t exactly know what he is talking about though, I blocked out a lot of my past because I really didn’t want to remember it. Especially in that time period, I didn’t want to feel the pain I was in or even see that I had a problem so I started blocking things out so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.

I looked out of the corner of my eye to see if Alex was still on the phone and he was, and still smiling cheerfully. I missed that smile; he could literally light up a room with it. And the last thing I wanted was to see that smile fade away, so I closed my eyes tightly and willed away the tears that I felt starting to form behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before looking up at Alex Marshall who was still looking at me sternly. “I honestly don’t know what day you’re speaking of, after I broke up with Alex I started blocking out things. I am truly sorry for hurting him that badly, it was never my intention. And I won’t contact him, and I will tell my friends to stop trying to track him down.”

“I didn’t say you can’t or that you shouldn’t contact him, just not to hurt him.” His eyes softened, he looked almost sorry for ripping into me.

I shook my head, “I know, but as much as I want him back in my life, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I hurt him again. He is an amazing guy with a huge heart, he deserves a lot better than what I could ever give him.”

He went to say something but was cut off by Alex’s voice. “There you are bro.” Alex said from beside me. My stomach churned and I felt bile rise to my mouth. Alex Marshall looked back and forth between me and Alex with wide eyes. I don’t think he realized that it was me who was talking to his friend until he looked oddly at Marshall and then at me finally. His eyes widened in surprise and I fought the urge to vomit on him.

“Demi!” he said excitedly and that excitement made me feel worse. “It’s so good to see you.”

I smiled politely, “It’s good to see you too.” That wasn’t a lie; it was good to see him. But it did make my heart hurt a little. I just prayed he didn’t bring up the tweet, or try to flirt or something. I don’t think I could handle that.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“I’ve been good. You?” I licked my lips nervously.

“I’ve been real good. We’re staying here in LA while we record, maybe we can grab lunch or dinner one day?” he had such hope in his voice. I looked over at Marshall who just raised his eyebrows and shrugged like he was telling me ‘I told you so.’

“That sounds nice. But I really have to go; I am supposed to pick up Madison from school.” I lied, but I felt my heart racing, I was having a panic attack and I needed to get out of there fast.

“No problem.” He stepped forward and hugged me. I hugged him back, inhaling his scent. If I didn’t pull away now, I probably never would. I felt the tears well up in my eyes once again so I quickly pulled away, “Bye.” I said without making eye contact with either Alex and quickly walked away.

Once I was in my car I let myself break down. My hands were gripping my steering wheel and my forehead was resting on it as I sobbed. People walking past my car probably thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I needed to cry, that whole situation was way too overwhelming. I don’t know how long I was sitting there crying, but once I was done I looked in the mirror and cleaned up my face. I dug my phone out of my purse and called Taylor.

“Hey pretty girl.” She answered cheerfully. Taylor had performed on the X-Factor and we caught up backstage and she said to call her and we could hang out sometime.

“Are you busy?” I sniffed.

“No, just sitting at home.” She told me.

“Do you want to go grab some coffee? Then go see Selena, I know she’s having a rough time and I think we all could use a good girls night.” I asked. It was true; I needed my girls right now, more than anything.

“Of course. Do you want me to meet you at Starbucks or Selena’s?” she asked me.

“Give me about twenty minutes so I can go grab some clothes and I’ll meet you at Starbucks and we’ll surprise Selena.” I told her. She said okay and that she’ll bring some snacks and that she’d see me soon.

I ran home and grabbed a duffle bag and put some clothes in it along with my laptop and camera and a few other things to party with. I went into my bathroom and grabbed a few things, throwing them into my duffle bag and then locked up my apartment. I saw Taylor sitting at a table when I entered the Starbucks closest to Selena’s house. I smiled brightly and went over to hug her. She said she had already ordered our drinks; she had text me asking me what I drink before I had left my apartment.

We were talking as we waiting for our drinks when I got a call from Selena. “Hey sweetie.” I answered but quickly got worried when I heard her crying.

“Please come over, I’m scared.” She said in a panic.

“What’s going on?” I asked quickly, glancing over at Taylor with a worried expression. She knitted her eyebrows together and mouthed ‘what happened?’ I just shrugged.

“Justin is outside, but he can’t get through the gate so he just keeps screaming for me. He is getting angrier and angrier because I won’t let him in. I’m so scared.” She cried.

“I’m on my way. Just stay inside.” I instructed her.

“Please hurry.” She said before we hung up.

“Justin is harassing Selena, we need to get there like now.” I said as I picked up my purse. Luckily just then they called Taylor’s name. We went over and picked up our drinks and practically ran to our cars.

I thought I was for sure going to get pulled over on my way to Selena’s house because I was speeding. But I really didn’t care, I will go on a high speed chase and lead the damn police to her house and tell the cops to arrest that asshole for harassing my best friend. He has been nothing but rude to her since they broke up. When I pulled up to her house I saw his car outside her gate with the driver side door open and he was standing at the gate with his hands holding the bars and was screaming Selena’s name.

I put my car in park and just left it running as I rushed out of my car. “Get the fuck out of here!” I yelled at him.

“This is none of your business you whore. It’s your fault we’re fighting. You turned her into a whore just like you.” He yelled back at me with such rage.

I stalked up to him and punched him straight in the jaw. He grabbed his jaw and looked at me with rage in his eyes. He balled up his fists at his sides and his breathing was ragged, he looked like he was going to hit me but I stood my ground. We stood there staring at each other when Taylor finally pulled up. “Justin, just leave Selena alone.” She said calmly.

“I’m not leaving until I talk to her.” He insisted.

“You will leave now or I will call the cops!” I snapped at him.

“Please, just go. I will call you later, right now you’re just scaring Selena.” Taylor told Justin. He glared at me and reluctantly got into his car and sped away.

I dialed Selena’s number as I walked back to my car and told her that I was outside and Justin was gone and to open the gate. She said okay and hung up the phone. The gate started to open when I saw her walk out from behind the hedge that covers her house. She was shocked to see Taylor pull in behind me. “I brought reinforcements.” I laughed as I got out of my car. She ran straight into my arms and cried as she hugged me. I rubbed her back soothingly, “It’s okay honey, we’re here and we’re going to forget about that asshole.”

“I was so scared, he wouldn’t go away.” She said as she wiped away her tears.

“Well we are here now, you are safe and we are going to have a fun girl’s night.” Taylor said cheerfully.

“Thanks, you guys are the best.” Selena let out a laugh.

Mandy and Brian were out of town so we had the entire house to ourselves. “So what were you doing before that douche came over?” I asked Selena as we sat down on the couch and drank our coffee.

“I was actually trying to work on a song. You know I’m starting my new album and I wanted to write at least one song by myself and not have a couple lines and have someone else write it for me. But I am a crappy writer.” She sighed.

“Let me read it, maybe me and Taylor can help you out.” I told her. She sighed and went over to the dining room table and picked up a tablet of paper and handed it to me.

I’m tugging at my hair, I’m pulling’ at my clothes
I’m trying to keep my cool, I know it shows
I’m staring at my feet, my cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it, yeah

I read the lyrics on the paper and immediately fell in love with them. But I had to wonder who they were about. I handed the paper to Taylor before I said anything. “The lyrics are really good. You should be proud of the start you have.” I smiled at her. “Who is it about though?”

I saw her eyes go wide and I know that she is probably going to lie to me by the expression on her face. She looked really nervous. “I want to lie about it because I don’t want to make a big deal about it, but I am keeping enough secrets. But that doesn’t mean I am going to tell you who the guy is, all I will say is that I met a guy and I think he’s worth my time. But it scares me because I barely know him.” She said.

“What happened to Nick, or the guy you said you wanted to patch things up with?” I asked curiously.

“I never said anything was going to happen with Nick, you are the one who wanted me with him. I told Nick that I couldn’t give him a second chance, at least not now. But I don’t think I want to, he had his chances and he blew them. And with the other guy, I haven’t tried to reach out to him yet, I’ve been so busy. But even if I do, there’s no saying if he’d give me a chance to redeem myself. And this guy, he understands me, he makes me laugh, and he doesn’t expect me to be a certain way. I can be wild and crazy, I can be shy and dorky, and he doesn’t care. And that’s exactly what I need right now. No pressure, even though I feel like I have to be perfect for him because he deserves that.” She explained to us.

“I know what you mean. That’s my whole dilemma with Alex.” I sighed. “Speaking of Alex, I ran into him at the gym.”

Selena gasped and sat up straighter, “oh my god! What happened?”

“Who is Alex?” Taylor asked at the same time.

“He’s my ex from when I was like sixteen. I fell for him hard and fast and I just ran away. I have been contemplating on asking him for a second chance, but I’m scared shitless.” I explained to her.

“But I am determined to get them back together, but they are perfect for each other.” Selena said proudly.

“So I was walking out of the gym and I saw him so I tried to go hide, but I ran into someone. And to my luck it was one of his friends.” I groaned. “He laid into me saying not to play games with Alex again, but I never did so we got into this argument. He said that I went to Alex’s place crying one night after our break up but I totally don’t remember.”

“Why did you block that out? I remember that night like it was yesterday.” Selena said confused.

“When was that?” I asked even more confused than her.

“It was the summer after the initial break up I think. I’m not exactly sure, but it was the day after you and Trace broke up and you two had gotten into that huge fight. You were beside yourself and I couldn’t help you. Then you just disappeared, no one knew where you were. You called me the next day and ended up coming over. You said you went to Alex’s house and you cried in his arms for a couple hours and you guys talked all night long. You wound up leaving before he woke up the next morning and that’s when you just stopped talking to him. You said you couldn’t get back together with him because he of your secret.” Selena explained to me and I sat there in shock. As she told me what had happened, I slowly started to remember and my heart broke for Alex. I did play games with him; I gave him a false sense of hope. But at the time, I didn’t think by me going there I would give him hope of rekindling our relationship, I just needed the one person I knew could comfort me after getting my heart broken. But the next morning I came to my senses. I couldn’t stomach even being friends with him anymore because I was harboring a horrible secret.

“I’m such a horrible person.” I groaned and fell into Selena’s lap.

“No you’re not, you’re an amazing person. You’re just scared of what happened.” Selena said comfortingly as she ran her fingers through my hair.

“What’s the secret?” Taylor asked curiously but you could hear the hesitation in her voice.

“I can’t talk about it.” I sighed.

“Sorry I shouldn’t have asked.” She apologized.

“It’s okay; it’s just something I can’t talk about. It hurts to talk about it.” I tried to explain.

“I understand.” She nodded. “Let’s brighten this party up.”

I sat up and took the tablet that Taylor had sat down on the coffee table, “So these lyrics go with a song that I’ve been working on that I just can’t get right. Maybe we can work on it together, possibly even have a duet?”

“That sounds like fun.” Selena squealed. “Everyone has been pushing us to do another duet, but I doubt that this song should be the one. It seems to be going to in the direction of a love song.”

“It kind of is, but it could work.” I shrugged then pulled out my phone. I opened my notes and gave Selena my phone so she could read my lyrics.

“If I could say what I want to see, I want to see you go down on one knee, marry me today?” Selena raised her eyebrow at me as she read the lyric out loud. Taylor looked at me a shocked look on her face, but amused at the same time.

“What? You said it yourself that Alex is the perfect guy for me. I’ve been dreaming about him so much lately and this is what has come out of those dreams.” I told them.

“Okay let’s make a hit!” Taylor laughed.

We spent half the night finishing the song then we ended up on a sugar high because Taylor baked a bunch of sweets. That caused us to start dancing around in our pajamas and making random videos. This girl’s night was a complete success. I am so thankful to have these girls in my life, today would have been a complete disaster if we didn’t have each other as friends. It also made me think that I should finally sit down and talk with Alex, even though I can’t stand the thought of him hating me or hurting him once again. He deserves to know the truth.