Easy to Fall in Love

God, do I feel stupid. When did I let my life become some soap opera? How could I let myself think Justin wanted me? How could I believe he was done with Sarah when he’s obviously not? How could he lie next to me in bed, say he loves me, and look me in the eye? I was kidding myself. Real life isn’t fall in love in a few months. Real life is finding out your forever has someone else in mind.

“This time right now, I would be in school,” I thought out loud. Boring classes, hours of homework, and so much stress my brain would pour out my ears. My biggest issues were what was due the next day and whether or not I could finish a project on time. Now it’s about trying to figure out how to leave without being a complete cold bitch.

“Seems crazy to me that you would be anywhere but here. You think you’ll ever go back?” Adam stroked my hair. He did stuff like that when he was thinking hard about something.

“Yeah, I think so. I’d like to go back with a kick-ass portfolio and then get my degree in photography.” I patted my camera in my lap. I’ve been avoiding Justin for almost a month. I can’t talk to him again after that. God knows he’s been trying, but it just hurts too much.

“So tomorrow?” Adam shifted under me, sitting himself up straighter. He was switching into his more serious mode.

“Yeah?” I can’t keep pretending with Adam. He deserves better.

“It’s your birthday.” He stated this as a fact not a question. I knew where he was going, but I wanted to play dumb for as long as possible.

“That it is.” I examined my nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“What are we going to do?”

“Sleep all day.” I didn’t want to do anything; I wasn’t in such a celebrating mood.

“Come on! 24 is a big deal. We could have a party, invite Justin, Austin, and—“

“No!” I shouted. His eyes widened and I quickly added, “I hate making a big deal out of my birthday. It’s really not my thing. I would rather just hang out with you and maybe have some cake and wine. Is that okay?” I wish I could tell him how I’m really feeling, but that seems entirely impossible.

“Yeah, of course.” He kissed my cheek and I internally sighed. You can always feel when something is missing.

I haven’t been talking to many people lately. Halvo, Nick, and Andrew went back home a while ago, I can’t exactly talk to Austin if I’m not speaking to Justin, and I’ve sort of been avoiding Hunter. I try not to think about what would have happened to Hunter and my relationship if things worked out with Justin. You tend to stick with your family if they get screwed over by a girl you barely know.

***

“Hey Hunter, can we talk?” He walked in from the backroom. I leaned against the counter in the lobby.

“As I live and breathe, is that Donia Hudgens? Can it be?” He squinted at me, pretending he couldn’t see me.

“Ha ha, very funny.” I crossed my arms across my chest and tried to smile. I knew this wasn’t going to go well. I wish I wasn’t such a coward. I wish things were different.

“Long time no see little lady. What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk about my room.”

“You want to add more nights?” He instantly started typing up stuff on the computer.

“No, actually.” I paused. I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath. “I wanted to cancel them on Friday.”

“Are you getting a real place?” He looked up, his eyes piqued with interest.

“No, not exactly.”

“It’s Wednesday,” he stated dumbly.

“I’m aware of what day it is.”

“You’re not…you’re not planning on leaving are you?” I waited a long time to answer. I looked around the room, tried to think of something, anything to justify what was coming next.

“We all have to move on eventually.”

“Is that what you want me to tell Adam after you break his heart?”

“This doesn’t mean we’re over, but I can’t stay here because of him. That’s not what May wants.”

“Bullshit, Donia. That’s not what you want. You know your Aunt wouldn’t stop you.”

“It is what it is, okay? I care about Adam, but I also want to do more with my life. I want to travel. I’m not going to throw the biggest opportunity of my life away because of the first guy I meet.”

“Are you sure it’s not because the first guy wasn’t Justin?” He gave me a cold glare.

“You. Are. An. Asshole.” I stomped out of the lobby. I slammed the door to my room and started throwing clothes in my suitcase. Screw Friday.