Easy to Fall in Love

At close to 2AM I woke up in an unfamiliar place. I felt jean material on my cheek and sat up. I rubbed my eyes and tried to remember.

"Sleep well?"

I screamed. Then I realized it was Justin who was sitting next to me and we were in the truck. I must have been laying on his shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Justin held his hands out in front of him.

"What happened?" I croaked. I cleared my throat and smoothed down my sleep hair.

"You passed out with your head on the bar. Hunter carried you out to the truck, but didn't want to leave you out here alone. So I volunteered to stay. Did you have sweet dreams?"

"The sweetest." Because they were about you. I combed my hair away from my face and looked around. "Are they really still in there dancing like morons?"

"Yeah, but they've both had a lot of liquid courage. Last drink I had was at the show. Lately I haven't been up to public displays of asshole-ness." He looked out the window, the moonlight casting shadows on his face.

"Why'd you come out tonight?" I asked him suddenly. He made no attempt at an answer. "I don't get you. You almost bit off Austin's head for the suggestion, then you change your mind saying you need a drink. You disappear, then reappear. You save me from a creep, which was very nice, so thanks. We had a fun time "dancing" and you were really helpful and sweet about me stomping all over your toes. You decide to be crazy silly with the guys, which don't get me wrong it was cute, but it's weird considering the fact you're doing the brooding thing now. One minute you're up, then you're down and I'm getting dizzy trying to figure it all out."

"We all have our things," he said softly.

"Now let's focus on the 'thing'. The reason you wouldn't come, but also the reason you decided to come. The reason you've been weird all night, the reason you wanted a drink, but now won't drink. It's now the reason why you wanted to sit all alone and I'm the convenient, sleepy, excuse. So who is she?"

"Well you've just got it all figured out, haven't you." He smiled sadly.

"Am I wrong?" The kicked puppy look on my face told me I was spot on.

"No, no." He shifted uncomfortably.

"So tell me about what happened."

"What happened with what?"

"Her! There must be a story here. You don't get manic and crazy like this with just anybody."

"Okay. I'll tell you."

I looked at him and nodded as if to say go on.

"If you tell me."

"Excuse me?"

"From one confused, lost person to another, I can see right through you. They way you talk about your aunt and then Hunter. This look you have in your eyes - it's not temporary...it's unsure. Unsure of yourself and where you're going. Unsure if you can keep up the happiness you've finally got."

I fiddled in my purse again, smoothing the creamy paper of my envelope with my fingertips. How did I get here?

"We've all got our things, huh?." There was a dare in his eyes hiding somewhere behind the hurt.

"Fine. I'll start." I said this with slight defiance, feeling like I had something to prove. "I have this 'aunt', we call her Auntie May. She's an artist. A painter, actually. I met her like two weeks ago. I'm assuming she's known about me my whole life, but my family likes to play this cute game where they don't tell me shit." I laughed. "She popped up out of nowhere." I paused. "When she was 24 she left her parents. They had given her two choices: find a guy, get married, etc. or get a real job and put everything into a career. So that's why she left. She couldn't do that. She said she needed to experience things before settling down and what they considered a 'real job' was not painting. She started working as a waitress in a small town until she got some money. Then she moved on to the next place and it went on. Somehow my great uncle fits in there, but I haven't had the nerve to ask. That's how she met my family. She said that was one of the greatest times of her life. She went to nearly every state. She was really close with my family, but something happened. Some kind of accident. I don't know, no one will talk about it. So she stopped coming around, stopped calling, and almost lost all contact. She would send a cards and stuff and let people know she was still alive, but she was a stranger, essentially."

"What does this have to do with you?"

"They first time anyone's gotten a phone call from her in years, it was about me. She called my mom, wanted to talk about my photography. I've taken photos at your shows, but I also want something more. I want to make a career out of this. And she knew. Maybe my grandma mentioned it in a letter or something. She decided that she wanted to...mentor me is a good way of putting it. She offered me the chance of a lifetime."

"What chance?"

"To do what she did," I said softly.

"So that's why you're in Nashville."

"I figured it was a good place to start. One of her rules was not to plan it all out."

"So you don't know where you're going next?"

"Not even an idea. I've only been here a few days, but I'm having a nice time. Too good of a time. And that's where my unsure-ness comes in."

"What about the envelope?"

"Exactly what I said earlier. She gave it to me and said that I couldn't open it until the time was right. But I had to carry it with me always. Wasn't much explanation."

"And you're haven't opened it yet?"

"She told me not to!"

"So? I'd be out of my mind with curiosity by now."

"Yeah well I really want to make her proud. I don't know her, but I feel like I really know her. Do you get what I mean? Or do I sound like a complete idiot?"

"No I get it. You have a strong connection."

"Now it's you're turn." I crisscrossed my legs and completely focused my attention on him.

"Going on tour all the time can be hard for people you care about."

"If you really love someone, you can get through it."

"That's what I used to think too."

"What happened?"

"I met this girl at a party last May, her name was Sarah. She was blond haired with blue eyes, the 'perfect girl.'"

I felt my heart drop. Of course that was his perfect girl.

"It's not like she's the only type I go after. It was just seemed all too perfect that this gorgeous girl liked me. We clicked instantly. We were inseparable. For six months that is, until November. I went on tour with Rocket. It was good at first, we called each other every night and she came to a couple shows. Then problems started. She was angry because we were apart all the time. She didn't trust me and the girls who came to shows. In February we got into a fight over the phone and we broke up. The tour was almost over and I just wanted to make it though the next couple weeks. I was going crazy all night. The next day was Valentines Day. I knew if I was going to make it right I had to do something big. We had a break that day so I flew out from New York. I went to her apartment and she wasn't there. I called her sister and she said she was at a friend's house. That should have been my first warning. Sarah didn't have many friends. She didn't play well with other girls, and now I know why. I went home back to New York feeling dejected. She later called me and apologized profusely. She surprised me by coming to a show and we had an amazing time together. She was so sweet, too sweet and attentive, like she was guilty. I pushed all those thoughts out of my head, because how could she hurt me? I was in love with her and I thought she was in love with me."

I wasn't sure what to say to him. He looked like hell right now.

"I didn't find out yet. We came back a few days after. Then Nick and I left for a radio tour. From March 1-8. The 9th was Sarah's birthday. She was afraid I wouldn't be home in time so I let her believe that. I thought it would be a great surprise. I made all these plans too. I was going to sneak into her house early and set up for a surprise party. I found her spare key opened the door and...there she was."

"She was..."

"She was on her couch having sex with her neighbor."

"Oh. Fuck." What a lame way of comforting someone.

"Yeah. She saw me but I ran away too quickly. She tried to explain, but gave up pretty quickly on me. She said it was my fault for being gone all the time. She said I brought this on myself. She blamed her screwing some idiot on my inability to commit to her. She said I was wasting my life with my 'dumb, crappy' band and she broke up with me."

"Bitch," I mumbled under my breath. I didn't think he would hear but he snickered, probably thinking the same thing.

"That's a one way to put it. No one understands why I'm upset. They think I should move on. They don't get it."

"I get it. You cared about her. It's hard to un-love someone, no matter how bad you want to."

"Exactly. And not just that. I mean it's not exactly boosted my self-confidence. Is there something wrong with me?"

"I am not the person you should be asking."

"Is it impossible to stay faithful to me? Am I not worth the effort?"

"Really not the right person to ask Justin."

"Why? You're a female who likes males. What is so terrible about a nice guy like me?"

"The truth? To me you're the perfect guy. I've had a crush on you for years. In my mind you can do no wrong. I called her a bitch before because I'd kill to be in her position. If I was her I would never have cheated on you and there is no way in hell I would have ever broken up with you."

"Hey! Where's the party?" Austin and Hunter ran up yelling.

"I think someone else should drive, I'm a little tipsy." Hunter held up his fingers close together.

"I'll do it," I volunteered. I quickly slid out of my seat and into the front. Hunter fell into the passenger and Austin flopped onto Justin.

"So what were you guys talking about?" asked Austin.