Symphonies of the Damned

The smoke was curling away from me, turning into silver colored streams as they floated upward.
Taking another drag, I held the warm poison in the back of my throat before exhaling and watching another bout of smoke swirl away.
It was in that peaceful moment that I let my thoughts get the best of me.
I was home.
Juliet was on her way to pick me up, and I would get to see her again.
Touring was over, for the next two weeks at least, and life was supposed to fall back into normal routine.
Ashley shouldn’t be meaning anything to me; after all he was supposed be a casual fuck whenever I was bored.
That’s what touring mates were for, right?
It was during the last three nights of shows that I felt myself captured by the bassist’s dark colored eyes.
They shined like two pieces of burning charcoal, melting the cold walls around me and sparking my interest.
Looking in a different light, I could tell there was more to him.
I’ll admit, I felt bad that I treated him like indifferent dirt. Not once did I realize he had feelings as well.
After all, sex wasn’t just meaningless sex to everyone.
There was a possibility that OUTLAW show was merely that- a show. He wasn’t the cold, heartless bastard he portrayed.
He was innocent and vulnerable. Well, as innocent as you could get in the Hollywood business without being Shirley Temple.
The day we spent together shone some light on the persona, letting me in and allowing his true self to leak.
He was a great person to be around, and I wanted to keep exploring this character that was Ashley Purdy.
If it wasn’t for Juliet, I would have taken a bigger step and asked him out already. It was selfish and unfair of me to flirt when my hands were still tied.
After today though, I would be a free man and I wouldn’t have to worry about returning to somebody else.
It was in the midst of these thoughts that I heard the gentle purr of Juliet’s car pull in front of Ashley’s.
She was waving at me, her newly dyed chestnut hair swaying in the light breeze.
Smiling in spite of myself, I gathered my suitcases and jammed them in the trunk of her newly acquired Volvo.
“I’ve missed you so much!” she gushed, before I had even opened the passenger door and climbed in.
“I missed you too.”
Seeing her bright smile and carefully lined eyes, brought a wave of emotion as I realized she still meant something to me.
It was a feeling of comfort that I would have someone waiting for me.
It wasn’t fair to her, but I needed someone in my life. I craved the sentiment of love and passion.
I needed it.
“I’ve got a little surprise…” she trailed off, taking an expert right turn at the end of the street.
Her eyes met mine for a fraction of a second, before focusing back on the road in front of her.
If she was expecting a reaction, she didn’t get one.
For the life of me, I couldn’t fathom any kind of surprise that would one-up my coming news of breaking up.
“What is it, baby?” I asked, unintentionally slipping into pet names.
“I’ll tell you later!”
“Alright.”
A short drive later, she pulled into the driveway of the two-level house we shared. The roses were in bloom, giving everything a sweet look.
“Come here!” she persuaded, leaving my suitcases in the back of the car.
Taking my arm, she pulled me inside and upstairs. We were standing in front of a closed door that led to the spare room.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“I’m not sure how else to tell you, but open the door!”
She seemed excited, her eyes were dancing with a light of pure joy.
Turning the doorknob, I was half-expecting to see the usual cluttered mess of spare boxes and old furniture.
Instead, I was met with freshly painted pale green walls and a polished floor.
There was a white crib pushed against the wall, laden with an array of knitted blankets and tiny pillows.
“What…is this?” I asked, trying to understand.
Facing Juliet, she was leaning against the plan wall with her hands resting gently on top of her stomach.
She was wearing a loose fitting purple shirt, which had hidden the growing baby bump in the car ride home.
“You’re…” I couldn’t get the words out.
“Yes!”
“But, how…” I choked out.
“We had sex.” She stated bluntly. “Remember that night before you left for tour? We were talking about taking another step forward, and you mentioned a baby. I don’t know what happened, but you kept kissing me and saying ‘Let’s have a baby. I bet it’s going to be the most beautiful baby in the world.’”
I couldn’t help it; a smile lit up my face as I realized my child was growing inside of her.
“I remember.”
Getting on my knees, I lifted up the pale fabric and kissed her bump as I whispered to the growing life inside her.
“You’re going to be my little Princess…” I told it in awe. “Or my little Batman – I really hope you’re my little Batman.”
“Andy, we’re not naming the kid Batman.” Juliet laughed.
“Fine.” I muttered. “When did you do this?” I asked, meaning the tiny room.
“Sammi helped me, when I found out.”
“How far along..?”
“It’s about three months old,” Juliet smiled.
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I thought about that night we had unprotected sex.
I was planning on asking to marry her.
I wanted a child to bring us closer, and after a lust-filled and unthinking night I was getting just that.
There was a ring hidden away in my dresser.
I had bought it before I left for tour, planning on proposing when the time was right. Ashley had blurred my head and I didn’t remember.
Ashley…
No, I had a responsibility now. I didn’t have time for foolish games and meaningless relationships.

--
“Congratulations, you two!” Jinxx hugged us both.
“Thanks.”
“I can’t believe you’re having a baby together!” Christian laughed, patting Juliet’s stomach.
This baby is going to have the coolest, most messed up life there is to offer! It’s going to be great!” Jake added.
“Looks like we’ll have to keep Baby Batman away from Uncle Jake and Uncle CC.” I hinted, standing in front of Juliet.
“Baby Batman?” Jon shook his head. “Maybe we should keep him away from the Father.”
“Is it a boy?” Jinxx asked.
“We don’t know yet.” Juliet clarified.
In the midst of this conversation, I hadn’t realized Ashley had yet to speak. Locking gazes with him, I watched as he downed the contents of his champagne glass and excused himself.
“I’ll be right back.” I spoke up, following Ashley.
He walked outside of the restaurant, and leaned against the stone wall in silence. There was an unlit cigarette perched on his lips.
“Need a lighter?” I offered, taking out my own cancer stick.
“Thanks.”
We stood in silence, just letting the ashes fall to the ground in piles of white dust and the smoke dance into the sky.
“Andy, I just need to know what happened. Last night, you were talking about…us and all of a sudden you’re engaged to her?”
Holding in a sigh, I stared at the ground. I wasn’t ready for this.
“Ashley, you’re great but I’m realizing you were just there for tour. I was lonely, and you were at the right place at the right time. I hadn’t seen Juliet in a while; I had forgotten the feelings I had. Not only that, but I have a responsibility here. I’m going to be a father! I just can’t leave this baby!”
“I get that.” He sighed. “I just don’t understand how easily you turned your back against me.”
“Ashley…” I whispered. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out like you wanted too, but life just fucks people over like that.”
“I get it, Andy! I get it! Why did you keep flirting with me during dinner though, if you knew about the baby? If you knew you were going to propose?”
He was desperate for answers.
I could tell by the way his breath caught on the word baby. The way his eyes searched through mine.
“It’s just fun, you know?” I shrugged.
I’m sorry Ashley, please forgive me. You mean something to me, you really do. You can’t cling on to someone whose life has been written.
I’m just trying to convince you to move on.
You can do better than me, Ashy. I’m not good for you.
“You really don’t care, do you?” he breathed, his eyes hardening. “I was just a fun time on tour, huh?”
No.
You’re more than that.
“Yes.”
“You chose to lead me on, because you just love fucking with me!”
It was a mistake, Ashy!
There was a captivating feeling when I looked into his eyes, into his heart. I needed him in life, but Juliet!
I couldn’t abandon her now! Not with a baby on the way!
“I’m sorry Ashley, but…it’s not like we were ever together, you know? It was just a little fun.”
The second those words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back.
It was too late.
My life had been written out for me already. I had to marry Juliet and raise our future son or daughter.
I couldn’t waste another second on Ashley.
No matter how much it hurt either of us…this was the way things had to be.