Symphonies of the Damned

“What do you mean you’re breaking up with me?” I demanded, clenching my fingers around my phone.
“You heard me.” Juliet’s small voice sounded through the receiver. You could hear the frustration in her voice. “We’re fucking over!”
“You can’t mean it!” I panicked, sitting down.
I had been walking off Farewell, My Love’s RV when my phone started ringing with an incoming call.
A smile lit my face as I answered; expecting a warm hello and an ‘I miss you’ from my babies.
“Andy, I’m not going to be treated like that! I love you, okay? But I’m not going to deal with this anymore!”
Her voice was cracking; she couldn’t hide the heartbreak any longer.
“Deal with what?” I asked calmly.
There was a warning voice in the back of my head, but how the hell could she know?
“You’re fucking just about every person on that damn tour! It doesn’t stop you that we’re together? That we’re having a fucking kid? Does that mean nothing to you?”
Fuck!
“How the hell did you find out?” I ventured, pacing back and forth.
“Jinxx and Ashley, actually. They thought I should know that my so-called boyfriend hasn’t been faithful since we started dating!” Juliet cried out, her voice quieting.
“I’m sorry baby…” I whispered, taking it all in. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, and I’m really fucking sorry! I just have one question…what about the baby Jules?”
Please, I’ve already fallen in love with my child.
I fucked everything up and all I cared about was my baby. I couldn’t abandon it!
Not like I was fucking abandoned!
“We’ll sort out that custody later…” Juliet sniffled. “I don’t even want to fucking talk to you, Andrew. We’ll deal with that later!”
With that, she hung up on me.
As the line went dead, I dropped my iPhone onto the floor. I was near the venue, leaning against a brick wall.
What the fuck did I do?
I was trying to reason with myself, just trying to figure it out. I had built up my walls and now they were crumbling down.
Everything was making sense in my life for once!
Black Veil Brides were about to start writing their third full-length album, I had a steady career in a band…
I had a great girlfriend, I was engaged with a baby on the way.
If I had only been more faithful, more responsible…this wouldn’t have happened.
I wouldn’t have been stuck to deal with the facts. I wouldn’t have to sort out custody over my child!
Fuck!
Jinxx and Ashley probably hated me!
Actually, I don’t think Ashley would care. He didn’t care when it was his name I was moaning out.
Jinxx on the other hand, was a completely different story.
Grumbling to myself, I pulled myself off the pavement and dusted off my skinny jeans.
There were faint gray streaks on the black denim from the ground, but I chose to ignore those.
They weren’t important right now.
It was early noon, and the sun was already shining pretty high. The temperature was starting to rise.
Pulling off my leather jacket, I chose to walk around in a ripped Jack Daniels tank top that belonged to Jake.
Picking up my phone, I headed in the direction of my tour bus.
The band’s airbrushed faces on the window reflected in the light, basking in its warm glory.
It distinguished the difference between our bus and Falling in Reverse’s almost matching bus.
At least Motionless in White had it easy; they had a baby pink tour bus for whatever reason.
We had joked about adding a One Direction logo, and seeing what would happen when we drove by.
Opening the door to the tour bus, I found CC and Ashley in the living area just sitting in silence.
They weren’t really talking.
In fact, Ashley was looking down at his coffee with a look of pure guilt displayed across his features.
CC was attempting at starting a conversation with no luck.
“I don’t know why the hell you told Juliet, but I don’t give a fuck. Where is Jinxx?” I demanded.
Ashley looked up at me, with a look of heartbreak in his eyes.
“I’m sorry Andy…” he whispered, biting his lip.
“I don’t want to hear it!” I yelled. “I hope you’re happy knowing that baby isn’t going to have both parents!”
A look of panic crossed his face.
I knew he hadn’t thought of that.
“I-“
“Don’t.” I cut him off. “Where the hell is Jinxx?”
“He went with Jake to McDonald’s…they were getting something for everybody.” Ashley answered meekly.
“Thanks.” I acknowledged, nodding in CC’s direction.
Clambering off the bus, I followed the sidewalk in the direction of the nearest McDonald’s.
Pushing open the heavy, finger-print smudged, glass door, I stood in the entryway and looked around.
In the far corner, I could see Jake and Jinxx patiently waiting for their order to be called.
“Jeremy.”
Jinxx nodded, stepping up to the counter to claim a four paper bags, grease staining the sides.
He always used that name in public places; it kept the fangirls away for the most part.
They had opted for dark gray skinny jeans and jackets with the hoods up in an attempt to remain hidden.
“Jinxx!” I yelled out, not trying to conceal my anger.
Their eyes widened at my outburst, relaxing when they realized it was only me and not a crazed fan.
“Hey Andy!” Jake smiled, walking up to me. “Don’t worry, we got your McNuggets!
“I don’t give a shit about that!” I seethed.
Jake seemed surprised, but Jinxx merely raised his eyebrows in an uninterested fashion.
“Let’s get out of here first.” Jinxx decided, leading us out of the filthy establishment.
Instead of walking back to our tour bus, he led us behind the venue. Setting the bulging bags on a stack of boxes, he faced me with an unkempt expression.
His arms were crossed, his eyes narrowed.
Jake was looking back and forth between us, still confused.
“Jinxx-“ I began, before being cut off.
“No.” Jinxx interrupted. “You’re going to listen to me, Biersack. I know exactly what you’re trying to confront me with, and I hope you understand you’re in the fucking wrong.”
I took a step back.
“What Ashley did was the right thing; hell, we should have told Juliet a long time ago. I hope she dropped your sorry ass, and considering you know I’m a part of it, I’m going to assume she did.”
“You’re going to leave that baby with one parent, Jinxx.” I warned. “It’s going to be alone and miserable.”
“No, you were alone and miserable.” Jinxx corrected. “If you truly care for that child, you’re going to try your damn hardest to make sure it’s happy. You’re not your father, Andy. I know you can do better than him. I know you won’t give up on your first child. At least, I hope so.”
“I can’t do anything right!” I broke down, blinking back tears. “I just fuck things up, always!”
Jinxx’s expression softened, as he placed a hand on my shoulder. “Andy, I can’t say things will be okay. It’s up to you to fix this mess. Just know, you’re not alone but Juliet isn’t the only one you fucked things with.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, wiping under my cheek.
Fuck.
I probably looked pathetic as hell.
“You broke Ashley’s heart.” Jinxx murmured, quietly enough so only I could hear.
Swallowing back my guilt, I remembered.
The fun we had the last few days of our European tour.
How I had started to fall for him before Juliet announced her big news, and forced me to push him aside.
I would have been stupid and inconsiderate if I said I hadn’t noticed Ashley’s lack of response the past few days.
I just hadn’t known what to do about it, that’s all.
It was stupid.
“I know…” I admitted, biting back my pride.
It wouldn’t work out though, not like this.
“Please tell me you’re talking about a girl named Ashley, and not our bassist.” Jake begged.
“No, we mean our Ashley.” Jinxx clarified.
Jake’s face distorted into a look of disgust as he leaned over to grab the bags from McDonald’s.
“Are you fucking serious, Andy?” Jake asked.
“What?”
“He’s a guy!” Jake pointed out, astonished.
“That doesn’t matter, Jake!” Jinxx yelled, frustrated with his response.
“Yes, it fucking does!” Jake sneered. “It’s fucking disgusting that you would want…that! Andy, you had everything going for you! A perfect, hot girlfriend and a child! Don’t fucking throw that away! Fix it, dumbass! Why would you turn your back to that and want to date a faggot?”
“I don’t…” I trailed off, in a small voice.
“Please don’t tell me those chants the haters yelled are true, Ballsack.” Jake enunciated. “You’re not a faggot, are you?”
“Of course not!” I defended myself. “Why the fuck would I want a queer like him? Hell, I fucked him when I was drunk and now he’s convinced I’m in love with him or some shit.”
I added an airy laugh, trying to seem insensitive.
“Good.”
He walked off then, clutching the bundles of food to his chest as he hurried back to the tour bus.
“I can’t believe Jake would say something like that…but I already had a vague guess on that. You, however. I don’t even want to see you right now.” Jinxx frowned, sending me a glare.
He pivoted on his heel, leaving me alone in the dust.
Shaking my head of all thoughts, I rushed back onto the tour bus.
They were all gathered around the bolted in table, digging through their next meal.
Ignoring them, I locked myself in the bathroom.
The reflection in the mirror showed a tired face, complete with half-crazed eyes and frazzled hair.
It showed a man who had too much on his shoulders.
I mean, come on! I was twenty-fucking-one and in a rock n’ roll band! I had my life ahead of me.
I should be relieved that I didn’t have a relationship or a responsibility to hold me down anymore!
I was a free man.
I didn’t have to keep anything a secret anymore; I could fuck whoever the fuck I wanted!
In the back of my clouded blue eyes, I could see a spark of innocence. Of the old Andy I used to be.
No.
He was long gone by now, never to show his face again.
The Hollywood business changed people, and I was just another example of that.
I went from the over-eager, too-caring, extremely sweet eighteen year old kid straight out of high school, and became this.
I had become a hard partier, with an unbreakable shell and an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.
I knew I had changed.
Biting my lip, I watched as my lip ring jumped slightly.
Stripping off my clothes, I jumped into the shower and washed my sorrows away and down the drain.
When I had finished, I dressed myself in the tightest pair of leather pants I could find, followed by a studded denim vest.
I pulled on a pair of boots and layered a couple chains.
Glancing back in the mirror, I fingered the frayed ends of my black hair. It was a reminder of the old Andy.
The Andy that had died a long time ago; the Andy that needed to be put to rest for good.
Finding a pair of shears in the tiny cabinet, I grabbed a handful of my hair and cut through it.
The slightly-damp locks fell to the ground in with a muted drop.
When that was done, I spent a good while with a brush and my hair straightener, just fixing it right.
Hello New Andy, I smiled at my reflection.
Sweeping the floor, I threw away the remains of the old me. The younger me, actually.
That sweet innocent was no more.
I wasn’t going to be tied down anymore.
I was setting myself free, once and for all. It was time to start the story of the new Andy.
This was a new chapter in my life; the story of the Wild One.