We Only Breathe For So Long

It has been half an hour already since I left John waiting in his pickup truck. It has been half an hour that I have been attempting to choose an outfit. When I realized I had spent such a great amount of time on something so simple, I freaked. I had no clue of what to wear. Sure, I’ve been to other concerts before and I knew what I’d wear. This time it felt completely different. My dad was totally right when he used to say that for my wedding, I’d have to start getting ready a week before if I want to reach the altar on time. I picked up jeans, jackets, dresses and even shorts but all of them ended up on top of my bed instead of being on my body. My final choice was ripped skinny jeans, a black blouse, a leather jacket, a green scarf and my black converses as usual. I never abandoned them. Its comfort was always too great to be ignored and replaced by any other type of shoes. I took a shower, washed my hair and quickly got into my clothes. By the time I was still drying my hair with a towel, Sophie was impatiently knocking on my bedroom door.

“Are you going to come out of there today or tomorrow?” she asked sarcastically.

I chuckled. “I’ll be there in a sec!”

My hair was half dry but mostly wet. I didn’t have time any longer so I picked up my bag and rushed out of the door.

“Let’s go,” I said.

“Somebody looks incredibly gorgeous.” A grin had spread into her small face.

“I look like I always do after I shower in the morning. Minus the zombie face.”

We both laughed and made our way towards the main door.

“Wait, aren’t we going to wait for dad to take us?” asked Sophie, slightly confused.

I smiled to myself. “Nope! I scored a ride on my way here.”

As we exited the house and I locked the door Sophie was already too excited to calmly walk towards John’s pickup truck.

“John?” she asked with a gigantic smile. “Does that mean we’re going to their tour bus? Because it’s early and-”

“That’s exactly what it means.”

“Have you ever been told that you’re like, amazingly amazing?” she said while hugging almost the life out of me.

“Now I have,” I chuckled and smiled to myself.

“Are you ladies coming or not?” shouted John with half of his body inside of the car and the other half outside. He had a grin on his face, showing almost all of his teeth. I was so mesmerized by the way he smiled. It didn’t matter if it were a small smile where only the corners of his mouth raised a little. Or if it were his half smile that made me die a little on the inside. Or if it were his grin or smirk. God, those smirk. It was his signature smile; it was forever stuck to his lips. No matter how he smiled, it immediately and naturally made my lips to curve into a smile too. When I clicked back to reality, Sophie was already inside his truck and I was still staring at John. I made a run and sat beside him on the passenger’s seat. A smile was pressed to my lips every second since I had left the house.

“Ready to go?” I asked him.

He chuckled and then performed his best smirk as if he had read my thoughts. “I was born ready.”

A few minutes later we found ourselves at the venue. There was still 2 hours until the show began but the place was packed already. I recognized some of the faces because they were fans that went to the book launching. They didn’t even need to look and see it was John’s truck coming towards the gate. They knew it just by the sound of the engine. Once they realized that their idol was a few feet away from them, they all started to run towards the truck. From this view, it looked as if a swarm of bees were coming in our direction as quick as a blink of an eye. Most of them were touching the truck and placing posters on the windows. A multitude of voices filled my ears. Most of the voices said things like ‘John I love you’ or ‘you’re amazing’ and many other sorts of compliments. Five minutes later we were by the parking lot, which was deserted as always, and the bus stood a few parking spots away.

“I can never get used to how many fans you guys have. It seems as if the entire female population was out there!” I said, incredulous while laughing.

Before John replied to my comment, Sophie spoke up. “Is Kennedy in the bus?”

The tone in her voice were as if she wasn’t really interested in knowing the answer but we knew she was dying inside to lay eyes on him once again in order to prove to herself that this was no daydream.

John glanced at me and smiled softly, knowing her intentions. “Yeah, he is.”

Sophie couldn’t stay on the down low. She just couldn’t contain her excitement anymore. She stopped pretending to be indifferent about everything and her true self started to appear. She was grinning like that mad cat in Alice in Wonderland.

We all stepped out of the car and John started searching for his tag by quickly shoving his hand from pocket to pocket.

“Are they all inside?” asked Sophie.

“Yeah.” He was still searching the tag while cursing under his breath for taking so long to find it.

Her eyes were wide and in shock. “I can’t do this.”

I walked towards her so we were close enough for her to hear me through a whisper. I kneeled one knee down and held her shoulders with both my hands while looking up to her.

“They’re amazing people and you know it. Are they your favorite band? Yes. If my favorite band were inside that bus I would be also freaking out. It’s normal and I think you’re doing a great job. If it were me, I wouldn’t have the guts to even be standing where you are right now. You’re amazing just like them Soph. Remember the first time we saw each other at the airport?”

She softy nodded her head.

“I must say, I thought you were so beautiful that I felt like a beggar compared to you.” I managed to steal laughter out of her and myself. “That hasn’t changed. I don’t think it ever will. You’re the prettiest and nicest girl I’ve met. Above all you’re my sister okay? If those scumbags think you aren’t as great as I think you are then I will pay myself their shrink hours.”

I grinned while she chuckled. I kissed her temple as I stood up and I placed my arms on her shoulders. “Ready?” I asked.

“More than ever,” she assured me through a smile.

As we started getting closer to John and the bus, he seemed to still be looking for his tag. A second later he found it. “After you,” said John.

“After you Miss,” I told Sophie.

She climbed the four steps, making sure she was taking one step at a time. John and I followed her lead and once we were all inside, I saw the boys in their usual positions: Garrett holding the controller of the console, Jared and Kennedy on both sides and Pat standing up.

“Hey!” I said, removing my jacket and scarf due to the immense heat inside of the bus.

They all said ‘hi’ in a dead tone, more concentrated in the game rather than my presence. All but Garrett.

Garrett didn’t even look at me. “Just in time Kylie, level 39.”

The boys noticed Sophie when she stood next to Pat, observing the game.

“Hey Sophie,” said Kennedy.

Her face immediately lit up. “Hi!”

I chuckled. “Aren’t you guys meant to be practicing or something?” I said as I switched off the console.

“Awww,” they said in unison.

“Aw nothing! Get up and dressed. For goodness sake, you guys look as if you just got out of bed!” I noticed and made sure to point out.

They all trotted to their bedrooms while murmuring under their breath. Garrett always had the final word, which was his signature. “We’re not going because you told us to! We’re independent men, we do not follow orders. We’re going because we wanted to go get dressed!” he said, trying to deny his reasons for listening to Kylie.

“I believe you,” I said with a sarcastic grin.

His face was serious but it then softened to a smile and a millisecond later he was gone.

“Would you mind if I went to the venue to check it out before the show?” Sophie’s question was addressed to John.

He shook his head. “No, no. Go ahead! Um, here’s a backstage pass,” he picked up a card. “If you want, you can stay there the entire show.”

She took it from John’s hand and hugged his stomach since he was so much taller than her. “Thank you so much!”

She left the bus and walked towards her mini-adventure.

John and I were left alone in the living room. All we could hear was the water from the showers the boys were taking.

“She’s a great kid, uh?” John broke the silence while walking towards the tiny kitchen. He picked up two cans of beer from the freezer and handed one to me.

I accepted it and took a few sips. “Yeah, she is.”

“You guys are sisters right?”

I chuckled.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“My whispering sucks, it’s okay. Um, no we’re not. She’s my cousin.”

“Really? I thought you were sisters from day one.” His hoarse voice spoke after he finished drinking his beer in one sip. “That was really nice. What you said.”

I smiled and examined the beer can. “I try my best.”

“Oh, before I forget.” He rummaged a drawer. “Here’s your backstage pass.”

He extended his arms towards me so I could take the pass from his hands. I almost took it.

“You don’t have to John, I’ve bought the tickets already. Plus, I like the crowd vibe.”

His arms were still extended in a persistent manner. “I’ll give you the money back, just take it.”

“Really, it’s okay Joh-”

“I don’t want to search for you in the crowd. I want you to be on one of the side isles right beside me,” he interrupted. “Us. Beside us. You’ll hear the sound better without the fans shouting back the lyrics. Just take it, Kylie.”

Whenever he said my name I’d melt inside and it would be completely impossible to say no. He knew that as well as I did.

I took the pass from his hands and put it over my head, letting it hover around my neck. “Fine.”

He unleashed his smirk, which made me laugh almost instantly.

“What?” he said, shifting his smirk to a grin.

“You always look like a lunatic when you pull your smirks!” I said through laughter.

“No I don’t!” he denied my statement.

“You do,” said Pat once he reappeared into the living room.

Slowly, every one of the boys stepped into the living room. Waves of perfume stroke me and its good scent invaded my lungs.

“So?” asked Jared while the rest of the boys were fiddling with their clothes.

“Wow!” I slightly leaned back and placed my hands on my heart as if cupid had shot an arrow at me. “You’re all ready to rock the show!” I said enthusiastically.

They cheered and high-five each other for making a good impression with their looks. They got closer to John and I and we ended up forming a circle.

“The first of many,” said John through enthusiasm and a smile as big as the moon.

“The first of many,” we all said while sharing a group hug. We parted away from each other with laughter and anxiety all mixed together.

“Sooome. Daaays. They feel like lemona eh a eh a eh ade,” sang John while the crowd jumped up and down.

The venue was packed with different types of people but the minute the boys played and John sang, they all became one voice. They cheered, sang along, jumped, John talked a few times with them and never did the crowd cease its energy or smiles. I could see it all through the curtains that unabled the crowd to see me but allowed me to see the boys clearly. Pat’s hands were so fast that I couldn’t keep up with his movements. Jared’s fingers were a blur as he played the guitar riffles. Kennedy’s voice echoed John’s voice. Garrett was running in all directions like a mad man who had just escaped from a rehabilitation center.

As I heard song after song, I couldn’t believe that I’ve been missing their music all of my life. There was not one single song in which I did not enjoy. Although I didn’t know the words to the songs, I attempted to sing along or imitate the rhythm with my voice. I did not stand still one minute. I danced on my own, jumped with the crowd although I wasn’t close to them and at some point, I even danced along with a random guy at backstage. My body moved non-stop but my eyes only looked at John. Gladly, he never glanced at me. If he did, I would’ve died with embarrassment because of my hideous dance moves.

After two full hours of good live music, John announced the end of the show and they all exited the stage. Sophie was in the opposite isle that I was in and as Kennedy got off, they met and started talking. Garrett, Pat and Jared hurried to the green room since they were starving. John left the stage last. He was sweating and he smelled like beer but he wasn’t drunk or tipsy.

“So, what do you think?” he asked grinning, using a towel to wipe the sweat off his face.

I remained motionless. “I-I-I don’t even know what to say.”

His grin faded. “Is it that bad?”

“John. You are fucking amazing!” I said while raising my hands and letting the surprisement in me to take over. “This can be considered, hands down, as the best concert I’ve ever been in my life! One minute you guys were normal people that I started hanging out with and the next I don’t even know what happened! You guys turned into these gods of music or something. I-I don’t even know how to describe how good you guys are! And you. God, you! My ears refused to hear anything else but your voice! Now when I hear my normal talking voice, I realize how bad it is. God, you’re so good. No! Good is not a good word capable to express it. You’re, you’re… simply amazing.”

I was out of breath once I finished saying what I had to say.

“No,” said John.

In a blink of an eye, John shortened the space between us and placed both of his hands on my neck. His lips met mine. At that instant, I completely forgot about what I was rambling about. I closed my eyes and indulged myself into this moment - what I’ve been wishing to do but never had the courage to.

“You’re amazing.” He concluded his sentence as his lips parted from mine and as his forehead touched mine.

I remained motionless. I didn’t know what to say or if I could say something since he had taken my breath away with that kiss. My eyes didn’t leave his and we were so close that I could count the freckles along his nose and cheeks. As I gained breath and opened my mouth to speak, my phone rang.Great. That totally demoralized the perfection of this moment. I thought. I didn’t move for the first couple of rings, I didn’t want to.

“Get it,” ordered John, giving me a half smile for approval. He stepped away and space kept us apart once again. “I’ll be at the green room. There are nachos!” he said through a smirk.

I obeyed and removed my phone from my bag as I laughed at his comment.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Kylie, it’s Ronnie. I’m at the door already.”

“All right, we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

I hanged up and ran my way to the green room. Everybody was there, the boys and Sophie. They were all talking though nachos in their mouths and laughter filled the room - besides the scent of the cheese that hung in the air.

“Um. We got to go,” I said, referring to Sophie.

“So soon? The show just finished!” moaned Pat.

“My dad is here already, isn’t he?” asked Sophie.
I nodded my head.

She put her nachos plate down on the table. “He’s always on time when you want to stay longer,” she complained.

John got closer to me. “Can’t you stay for just a little while?” he pleaded.

“I wished I could.” I said, as down as he was.

This time Sophie’s phone was the one to ring. “Yeah, it’s time. Thanks for it all guys, I’ll never forget tonight!” she said while hugging them as quickly as possible.

“You’re welcome!” replied Kennedy, bringing a smile as bright as the sun to Sophie’s face.

I hugged each and every one of them before parting.

“Kylie,” whispered John, as I was about to leave the room.

My organs slowly melted. “Yes?”

“You were right.” He paused. “I’m not a lost soul.”

He smiled not only with his lips but also with his eyes.

I softly smiled and we shared eye contact for a few seconds.

“I know John.”